A More Natural, Purposeful Life

Since 2013 began, I have been trying to live a more purpose-driven life.  I know it sounds cliche.  But the present is always a good time to focus even more intently on what you want and need.  We've made some positive changes in our life over the past year; so I want to continue that this year and all the years to come. 

We've been doing more things as a family, even if it's just a trip to the grocery store or farmers market together.  We are a family and we enjoy spending our time together.  I make sure we eat dinner all four of us every night at about the same time.  I strive to talk to my husband and daughter about their day and what's happening.  We get out and have fun, as much as we can with two little ones.


A family and friends night of cosmic bowling - something we can all enjoy!

The preciousness of a healthy life became more evident when my husband's co-worker, a great guy named Kevin, passed away in January, just after the New Years holiday.  His body gave into cancer after fighting for nearly a year.  He and his wife have two young girls very close in age to our girls.  Since his death, Kirk and I have tried to put our little family even more in the forefront than it was before.  I'm working on my patience and taking time with the girls even when I have something I want to get done around the house.  I've encouraged more daddy-daughter time and workshops at Lowe's Build and Grow.  Kirk has been doing more with the girls realizing just how lucky he is to have the time with them.  I keep Kevin's picture on our fridge as a reminder of being grateful and living life to the fullest.  


Kevin is pictured on the right with his youngest daughter.  We miss you Kevin!

We've got our health under control now.  Last May/June we completely changed the way we ate.  At my husband's request, we threw out all the processed foods.  We gave up sugar, gluten and anything from a box.  We switched to a high-fat, low carb way of eating with a ton of vegetables, some fruits, organic meats and everything from scratch.  Yes, I spend a lot more time in the kitchen and doing dishes but our family has never looked or felt better.   I have more energy now than I ever had and that's saying a lot with a baby and inquisitive five year old!  I sleep better and have more endurance in my workouts.  In fact, I really think I'm in the strongest, best shape of my life.  Yoga and running have become so much easier for me.  I'm not huffing and puffing and dying half way through a routine like I was a year and two ago.  Surprisingly and best of all, I fit back into size 1 and 2 pants, skirts, shorts and more at age almost 35, after having two kids!  I never in a million years thought that would be possible but it's true.  This was all due to changing the way we ate.  I still do the same workouts I did two years ago but since I'm not eating sugar, pasta, bread and lots of dairy anymore (only some dairy in moderation - less cheese, homemade yogurt), my body has reached its best shape and I effortlessly lost weight without working hard.  I hit the goal I always wanted but never thought I'd quite reach again.  It is a wonderful, wonderful feeling and I'm proud of myself for making it a lifestyle, not just a fad diet plan.


Show off your sexiness and silliness!  Lol!

Along with some friends, I'm part of a healthy living club now.  We're trying to meet about every week to discuss more natural, healthy ways of doing things.  For example, our last meet included tips on making your own cleaners for the floor, dishes, and more.  I bring one of my healthy recipes to the meeting and the other ladies offer their tips for getting rid of toxins and chemicals in the daily stuff around the house.  I'm learning a lot and slowing trying to be more environmentally friendly.  I notice that when I use certain chemicals in my home, I receive a headache and just feel bad afterwards.  I'm learning all the great benefits of simply using things like vinegar, baking soda, lemon and lime juice and more. 

I am still a stay at home mom.  Most days are good.  Of course some days and moments drive me absolutely batty!  But I still don't regret my decision not to be in the work force.  My girls thrive when I'm around.  My husband does too.  I can see it.  I make them better people and that in turn makes me a better person.  It works for us right now.  I have plans in the future to do other things but for now I'm the cook, cleaner, support system and glue that keeps us all going and healthy and happy.  I take my job seriously and I love my employers/employees -- Kirk, Vivian and Lana. 

My family really is everything to me.  They can bring me to tears of joy and happiness in a matter of seconds.  Just yesterday I was looking at these paintings that Vivian had done - one of a rainbow and another one of a gingerbread house.  I remember she made a complete mess on the table while doing them.  But she really put heart and detail into these works of art.  Every time I walk by them, I smile.  They are good reminder, just like my children are good reminders, of the good in this world - of the love, hope, possibilities and success that we're all capable of. 


Vivian's beautiful artwork - it makes me smile every time I look at it!

Seeing my girls play together and laugh is incredible.  I'm so lucky that I have two children, two girls, and that I can witness them being sisters and friends.  They are amazing creatures.  Being a mom the second time around is a little bit sweeter and easier.  It makes me appreciate my oldest more too.  It's the craziest, best, most challenging role I've ever had but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

My girls - my everything!  I love them so much and I love watching them play together!

I have a long life ahead of me and I want to continue living a purposeful, natural and happy routine.  I can't wait to see what's going to happen next.  I have a one year old birthday to plan too, yes already!  Lana Jane is turning one at the end of this month!  Where has the time gone, I tell you!??

I have more blog posts in the works too, drafts I've started but not completed - I just need to make myself sit down to write them.  I've got one about bravery, one about my funny dinner the other night and one about how I should be writing a stand-up routine/sitcom episode.  Hopefully I can get to these soon!  Until then, have a great day and one full of purpose and natural foods and products! 

Seize the moment and work toward that goal you want.  You can always improve and better yourself and those around you.  I see now that nothing is impossible.  You can really do it and achieve it!

The Power and Fun of Music

I love the influence that music has over people, especially me.  A song can instantly change my mood, uplift my spirits or even make me laugh. 

It does the same thing for my two daughters too.  We'll be in the car driving along and my girls go crazy over Beyonce's song "Single Ladies."  Now put your hands up!  ;-)  Vivian is hilarious to watch as she sings the words.  It's amazing to me that even my eight month old baby will perk up too when she hears it.  She has even stopped crying mid-stream when the booty-shaking words, "Cause if you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh" are sung. 

My girls love to dance and be silly.  They take after me, what can I say? 

This morning on the treadmill when I was doing my usual quick, one-mile jog, I heard Barenaked Ladies "One Week."  I find this song so comical because of how fast it is sung and all the different references to pop culture in it too. 

After that played, my Zune's mixed up playlist went to Tom Jones "She's a Lady" followed by Janet Jackson's "Control."  I hadn't heard either tune in a long time.  Both really kept me pumped up.  I was running faster, dancing on the treadmill and just grinning from ear to ear like a fool. 

Later in the morning I was resizing and editing a few family photos taken recently.  I was looking at pictures of my husband, daughters and me-- feeling so lucky and blessed.  I stared at each of their faces and my own too, thinking how nothing else matters.  My little family of four (Kirk, Vivian, Lana and me) is what makes me truly so very happy.  And nothing else matters. 

Soon the lyrics to Metallica's Nothing Else Matters was being sung in my head..... 

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

I never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters

Those words are so accurate for me.   Thanks for the reminder Metallica! 

It's amazing how I can always think of a song to match whatever feeling I'm having or whatever experience I'm going through.  Alas, that is the power and fun about music. 

By the way - Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 

Reflections On The Year 2012

Gosh, here we are in December.  ALREADY!   Where did 2012 go? 

It's been over a month since my last post.  I think of things to write about all the time but I never make the time to follow through.  I'm not too worried though.  I've got the rest of my life to write blog posts or books or recipes or whatever I want.  I have a great novel idea (yes, again) and I think about it every day.  Eventually I'll start writing a few chapters and see where it takes me. 

In the mean time, however, I did want to take a few minutes to reflect on so much that's happened this year to me.  There have been sooo many changes that have taken place, all for the better I believe. 

I began the year 2012 in a bit of a mess.  First, I was in my third trimester of pregnancy. So I was big and uncomfortable, counting down until my little Lana Jane arrived.  Then, I was extremely stressed at my job after a co-worker left and I picked up additional job duties (with no additional pay or benefits I should add). My day seemed to start and end in aggravation.  This was after a disappointing holiday season too. 

I had to make some changes.  So I let go of a few relationships that I no longer felt were where I needed to spend my time and effort anymore.  Sometimes you need to close a door so you can open a new and improved attitude, to focus on what's really important (in my case, my immediate family and local friends).  It wasn't easy but it was the right choice for me; no regrets. 

I spent more time at home and with those wonderful people who I could enjoy tea, laughs and conversation with.  I took a long break from social media, about 3 or 4 months.  That was a good thing for me to do and again helped me to pay attention to my heart and brain. 

On April 27, my beautiful daughter Lana was born.  Since then things have never been the same but in a good way (for the most part).  It's given me a chance to fall in love all over again with babies and with my oldest daughter Vivian.  Seeing her as a big sister is just a wonderful, awesome thing.  She's an amazing kid and I see it every day now.  I'm so glad I was able to give her the gift of being a sister. 

On my two month maternity leave, things were really crazy.  We all became really sick with a stomach virus.  After a rocky start to breastfeeding, I then became a boobie zen master and gave mama's milk to Lana for two months.  When that was over, it was over and thankfully I wasn't too sad over it just sick to my stomach when I see what we pay for formula.  What else?  Oh, I was bitten by four horseflies that ripped up  my legs for over a painful, itchy week.  We completely changed the way we ate and started the Paleo/Primal diet in June.  Like throw out your entire pantry of items change your way of eating!   All during my maternity leave.  No wonder I wanted to go back to work!?  (Side note - we've now made it six months of eating like a cave man.)  

So I went back to work and it was, well.... work.  Work that I didn't much like or enjoy.  After two months of being back after maternity leave, I realized that working outside the home was not for me after all.  I had a big change of heart.  I quit my job.  Thankfully I've never looked back.  I miss the extra money.  But I missed my girls, my happy husband and making our lives easier by being home. 

Now I've been a stay at home mom for over three months.  I never thought I'd be doing this and enjoying it so much.  My oldest is in PreK and in gymnastics class so I spend four days a week running her around and being a taxi driver for a few hours. She is so much fun at this age.  Four and five years old have been so amusing and great for all of us. 



Lana is a fun and spirited baby.  She's now seven months old, already!  She is finally sleeping through the night (took her six months but she's doing it) although her nap schedule during the day is never predictable and changes often.  She is a demanding chubby bunny who loves to be held and have a change of scenery.  But she laughs when I change her diaper and is a great car traveler.  So really, I've got it pretty made in the shade. I adore her and appreciate being a mom a bit more this second time around.

Vivian is a happy, adjusted five year old who loves school and life.  She loves everyone a bit too much though and sometimes hugs strangers.  I'm talking to her about that habit actually.....   In fact, I talk to her all the time as she is miss Chatty Cathy who doesn't stop unless she's sleeping. She is so sweet and kind and generous.  I watch her share so easily with other kids and I see her clean up her room and just overall be a super awesome kid.

My husband Kirk is more amazing now than ever.  Yeah, I can hardly believe I'm saying that either.  Maybe we just feel closer as a family and partners than we ever experienced.  He just seems so happy these days.  He's finally feeling well, thanks to our diet changes.  We both feel great.  So now we're working on looking better.  Yeah, it's all about vanity for us now.  He's trying to bulk up and gain muscle.  I'm trying to slim down and tone up.  I'm actually completing a 21-day sugar detox right now.  Today is day 15 for me so I'm doing great with it.  (Read about it here if you like).  Kirk is my constant encourager, my #1 fan, the guy who still finds me sexy after ten years and two kids and quite a few stretch marks later.  I still love him and find myself in love with him too.  We're so lucky to have one another.

I said good bye to two amazing best friends within two months of each other.  My friend Briony moved to Japan with her husband's Navy job and family.  My friend Jen moved to Colorado for her husband's new job.  I'm so glad I took extra time with them and told them how much they meant to me before they left town.   On a positive note, we gained new friends, an entire family who loves and adores my family.  We regularly meet up for barbecues, play dates and more.  They have become our "family" away from our families.  Thank you Melissa and the rest of you wonderful Endecotts!

A few months ago, I started another food blog, a healthy one that reflects are diet changes.  I post on it here and there just whenever I feel like it.  It reflects our crazy new diet and lifestyle.

I became active again in my women's/mom's group.  I've made some new friendships and become a coordinator for the babies play dates that happen twice a month.  I have done some volunteer work with a library and also a local children's society for the holidays.  It makes me feel good that I'm giving back, even though it's in small ways. 

My family has been sticking close to home these past few months.  We don't have any plans to travel anytime soon, not even to visit relatives.  I don't mind it though.  I've become a homebody.  I love to read and research.  I have many more years to see the states and world.  For now, I don't mind just playing in my backyard swinging with my kids or grilling up sausage on the barbecue pit.  Vivian and I paint our nails or make pancakes.  We just do a bunch of little things to occupy our minds in a day. 



My life is simple and boring.  But I like it that way.  I'm happy. 

Now before you go thinking I'm little mary sunshine all the time, let me tell you that I have my bad days and moments too.  My husband told me over the weekend when he saw Lana fight her nap for a half-hour and when he heard Vivian repeat her same question that I was ignoring for the fourth time, "I don't know how you do it.  I'd go crazy at home with this all day!"  "Thank you for saying that Kirk and for recognizing it" I told him.  He gets it folks!  He really does understand. 

There are some days I go sit in the bathroom in the dark for a few minutes, just for the peace and quiet.  There are some nights when I count down until bedtime and until I can have a glass of wine or that square of dark chocolate to take the crying, whining and teething fits away.  But honestly, and thankfully, those days are few and far between.  Not every day is like that.  And almost every day has some really great moments in it that help me through. 

I can't say I began 2012 feeling joyful and blessed.  This year started as a real downer for me.  Thankfully though, it's ending on a much higher note.  In fact, this last month of December in 2012 has been the best yet!   And if for some crazy reason the world does end on 2012, like some crazies expect on 12-21-12, then I will be ready.... 

After all, I'm surrounded by my wonderful family, by other positive people who understand me and I spend each day doing the work I know I'm meant for. I'm filled with love and laughter.  I'm ready for whatever happens next.... the end of the world or a fantastic year in 2013.   Let's go!

When Aunt Flo Comes to Visit And Other Conversations with my Kid

Time is getting away from me.  It's already past mid-October.  I thought that after I quit my job, I'd be blogging more and reading other blogs, etc.  I thought I'd be working on my next writing project, perhaps even working on a novel or screen play. 

That hasn't happened yet.  Not even close. 

Oh well.  I guess I hadn't made the time like I thought I would.  Or maybe when I have free time, I just don't want to be on a computer.  I want to be vegging on the sofa since I only receive 3-4 hours of continuous sleep at a time. 

Anyway, that's okay.  I've been busy enjoying my girls - playing with them, going on nature trails, reading to them, dancing with them using the Xbox Kinect and more. 

And I talk to my almost five year old for hours and hours and hours each day....Our conversations lately are pretty funny.  Here are a few that come to mind that I wanted to share here:

Let's call this one - "When Aunt Flo comes to visit"I'm having my monthly cycle and we're at a book store using a public restroom, my duaghter and me.
I finish my business and then Vivian gets on the toilet after me (with fresh new paper on the seat of course)
Vivian: "Mommy, why is the toilet all red?"
Me looking at the toilet forgetting that I'm bleeding like a slaughtered pig.
Me: "It's a Magic Toilet, sweetie!"
Vivian: "A magic toilet?"
Me: "Yes, it changes colors."
Vivian: "Really wow!  I wonder what color it's going to be after I pee pee."
Me thinking to myself and shaking head, 'probably still red.'

Oy!  I'm not ready to talk about this one....about what it means to "be a woman" and all that stuff.  I probably could have said something more clever and intelligent than a magic toilet.  But yeah..... Let's just call this one a mommy fail and move on.


Let's call this one - "Stuck in a Tree? Daddy will rescue me!"
Vivian and I were swinging outside on her play set.  She was going pretty high and facing the trees that line our fence.  She turns to me and we have this conversation:
Vivian: "Do you think if I swing really, really high, I will fly into this tree?"
Me: "It's possible."
Vivian: "Then I might get stuck in the tree." 
Me: "You could."
Vivian: "Then I could sleep there and stay in there forever and ever.  Up in the tree"
Me: "Well you might get hungry.  Or you might need to go potty."
Vivian: "Well, that's okay.  My daddy will rescue me.  Because he's really tall." 
Me: "Yes, daddy is tall and he is good at rescuing you." 


Let's call this one - "The real meaning of Drama"
Viv and I were just sitting around the kitchen table and she randomly brings up a conversation about a kid in her Pre-K class.

Vivian: "Sidney in my class has drama."
Me: "Oh really, why does she have drama?"
Vivian: "Because she spilled her milk twice at lunch."
Me: "Well that's not drama. That sounds like an accident."
Vivian: "What's drama mean then?"
Me: "Drama is like when someone makes a big deal about something or when a person cries, whines and fusses a lot."
Vivian: "Oh! So then my baby sister is drama."
Me: (Laughing out loud) "Yeah, you could say that. She has learned a bit from you." ;-)



------------------------------------

Oh me, oh my!
She makes me laugh, she makes me cry.
So silly is this girl of mine
These conversations are divine! 
I love you my sweet, funny Vivian!

Side Effects

You know those commercials on prescriptions that take a minute long going over the side effects and warnings at the end?  I'm sure you have seen them.  Or even the ads in the magazines with a paragraph-long warning at the bottom in small print. 


Well that was me last me all last week.  Full of side effects.  I had nausea, headache, cramps, dizziness, bloating, bleeding, irritability, itchy-dry skin, weakness, tingling, weird pain in my calf and leg muscles and other things I don't care to remember at this time. 

Yikes!  It was awful.  All these things from a tiny little pill that should regulate my hormones and prevent me from having another pregnancy at this time.  I will be honest here, I have been on a birth control pill for the better part of a decade and never had any of these issues.  But like my doctor and friends quickly pointed out to me, "Having a second child can really mess with your body and female hormones!"  Gosh they weren't kidding! 

I have had a period every 2-3 weeks since June.  Oh yes, fun stuff, let me tell you!!  At first I thought it was a result of weaning from breastfeeding my daughter.  I had the all-clear to be back on the pill I was on for a decade when I wasn't pregnant.  But that pill no longer seemed to work for my body.  After three months and nine menstrual cycles, my doctor switched me to a 'stronger' pill. 

At first I didn't notice much difference.  I used it for the first month with occasional little nuances - a headache or itchy-dry skin here and there.  I still had two periods within that month but I was willing to give it more time. 

Then the second month rolled in with all its fury and vengeance.  Suddenly I felt awful for hours.  I vomited one morning.  I felt nauseous and constipated for half a day long.  I was miserable.  My husband noticed the difference in me.  By the time he came home from work, I was spent and sitting there on the couch hoping my girls wouldn't speak to me or move because my stomach and head both throbbed.  But of course that didn't happen because I have a five month old baby and an almost five year old kid.  Sigh.

My husband says, "I really think it's that new pill you're on."  I didn't see it at first but decided to delay the time I took it one day during the week.  I took it at lunch instead of at breakfast time.  Immediately I noticed how great I felt in the morning.  Then about two hours after taking the pill during lunch, the misery began again.  Once again arrived my nausea, headache, cramps, dizziness, bloating, bleeding, irritability, itchy-dry skin, weakness, tingling, weird pain in my calf and leg muscles and other things I wish to forget.

How can this smaller-than-an-ant size pill make a person feel so horrible?  In the trash went the whole stash after that!  I'm going pill free and figuring out my other options. 

I know some people need medication.  I know it does help folks and can be a miracle.  Our friend K has cancer right now and the medicine he is taking is keeping him alive and we're grateful for it. 

But damn, I just don't think I'm one of those people who can handle taking any medicines.  Remember when I had my gallbladder removed?  The pain meds that they put me on made me feel far worse than my gallbladder ever did!!!  I described it vividly in this post here.

Side effects are awful!  I'm just glad I realized what my issues were and stopped taking the pill that was making me feel so bad.

Have you ever taken medicines that made you feel like a creature from the black lagoon?  Did you notice it right away and stop taking them as soon as possible?

Why I Love Age Four (And Why I Will Miss It)

My oldest daughter Vivian is four years old but she'll be turning five next month at the end of October.  Just one month away.  It makes me sad because I have truly loved her at age four.  It's been so much fun this past year.  Hardly any tantrums.  Hardly any discipline issues or not-listening troubles.  I have a great kid.  A big kid now.  She's a pure delight nearly 98% of the time. 

I didn't think it was possible to love my big girl any more than I already did.  Then I gave birth to her baby sister Lana in late April of this year.  Then, somehow, my love for Vivian increased even more.  It's crazy really.  I didn't know my heart could expand like that.

Every time I look at Vivian I see how much she is growing.  She seems enormous to me next to her baby sister!  (I suppose she is though -- 40 pounds vs. 14 pounds, etc.)  I see her holding Lana, feeding her a bottle and talking to her and my feelings overflow with joy.  She is a great big sister - patient, loving, funny and gentle with her.  I love to hear her speak to Lana in that baby, high-pitched voice.  It sounds so funny coming from her but I know she's just imitating me and others when they talk to the baby. 



Anyway, I've been making a list in my head of a few reasons why I especially enjoy her at this age.  Finally I'm making myself sit down to write out that list.  Here are the top four worth sharing:

1. Silly - My girl is SOOO SILLY!  She is nutty and funny.  It is so very easy to make her laugh.  She finds humor in most anything.  Vivian dances around to music, not very gracefully but in a sticking her tongue out, hopping around on one foot, bumping into furniture kind of manner that is both hysterical (and just a tad bit disturbing too).  She laughs at words like "toot" and "butt" and "poopy diaper."  Her baby sister has given her lots to laugh about.  She smiles so much that you can't help but smile too even when it's something ridiculous.  She skips and gallops around the house or is always in some kind of motion.  Hands down she has the absolute best laugh I've ever heard -- full of belly, loud and contagious!  Vivian makes me feel younger and goofier again.



2. Sweet - Vivian has become such a sweet, loving child.  She's very different now than the way she was when she was a baby and toddler.  She wasn't very affectionate.  She didn't want to be touched a whole lot either (opposite from her baby sister Lana).  But now she's extremely affectionate.  She wants big hugs, "squishy" hugs as she calls them.  She'll randomly tell me she loves me when Kirk and I used to have to make her say "I Love You" back when she was 2 and even 3 years old.  We often "snuggle" together in bed in the early hours of the morning or late at night before bed.  She loves it when we snuggle in her bed now when it used to be her crawling into our bed first thing in the a.m.  Vivian is also very complimentary.  She notices what I wear and will tell me she loves my shirt, my skirt, my hair or whatever the case may be.  She says I look beautiful then adds the words, "just like me."  Which I can't argue with that!?  Vivian often tells me she loves the way I look.  She's very helpful too.  She will help me clean the house and rarely complains when I tell her to tidy up her room.  This is a such a big thing too as I really do need her assistance lately as I'm busy with a baby.  She's so kind to her baby sister too which truly melts my heart more than I can describe in words.




3. Literal - I love that she is so literal at this age.  Anything you tell her she'll practically believe.  When her baby sister spouts out sounds and coo's, she turns to me and asks me what Lana is saying.  I will say whatever comes to my mind and she believes me. 

An example:
Lana: "aaaahhh!"
Vivian: "What did she say mommy?"
Me: "She said you need to finish eating all your vegetables."
Vivian: "Lana, I will eat all of them.  I only have two left."
Lana: "oooooohhh!"
Vivian: "What did she say now mommy?"
Me: "She says that after dinner, you need to pick up those toys." 
Me thinking to myself: I love this conversation translation!  This is great.

Another example:
Vivian: "Sam has reading classes.  He's at my school."
Me: "Okay.  That's nice."
Vivian: "But I want reading glasses."
Me: "Why? You don't need reading glasses."
Vivian: "But I want to know how to read!!"  She then pouts and puts her head down.
Me: Laughing out loud b/c I realize that she thinks you need special glasses in order to read words "Sweetie, you don't need glasses just because Sam does.  You will learn how to read even without glasses, I promise you.  Your teachers and I will show you how."  Again I couldn't stop giggling because she was so serious and thought she needed these glasses in order to read words. 




Also back in April, during Easter time, we watched this movie called "Hop" where a chicken turns into a bunny at the end of the film.  He was an evil character.  As we were watching it, I told Vivian if she was bad the same thing would happen to her and I could make it so.  She believed me and became really upset when I told her I was about to change her into a rabbit.  Let's just say that I used this trick for a week after the movie to get her to tidy up more, no whining and eating her meals.  Hahaha!  Yeah I know, I"m a mean mommy sometimes!  But she really did believe me and I just find that so hilarious!

She will often ask me questions and I sometimes reply, "I don't know."  Her response is constantly this: "Yes you do mommy; You know everything!"  How sweet and sad that is.  I wish I did. 


4. Independent - Vivian can do so many things at age 4 that she couldn't do before.  She completely dresses herself and can wash her body, drain the tub, brush her teeth without help and the list goes on and on.  She has much more confidence at this age than she has ever had before.  I love it.  I'm so grateful for it since I have to do everything for her baby sister right now.  She is still a sensitive girl but she cries less than she used to do.  Recently she fell off her bicycle but surprised me by getting right back on it and continuing to ride another round in our neighborhood.  That NEVER would have happened a year ago.  She's come so far and she's really her own little person now.  She's a kid going to Pre-K four times a week now.  A big kid.  Not my baby girl anymore.  (Sniff, sniff)   I love seeing her face beam when she does something correctly or answers a question right.  She loves to learn and enjoys showing off her knowledge. 



I could make an endless list of all the things I love about my beautiful Vivian Rose but these are the top four in my mind, at the moment.

I am sure I'll love age 5 too but I will certainly feel sentimental about age four for awhile.  It really has been an amazing year for my amazing little girl.

I love you Viv!


 

My Victory Tower

I've been married now for ten years.  Kirk and I just celebrated our ten-year wedding anniversary on August 17.   We actually enjoyed a short, overnight getaway thanks to my parents coming in to town to watch our girls so we could enjoy a break.  Our escape included a bed and breakfast stay and a fabulous dinner at a fancy restaurant.  It was truly nice. 

However, the things I think of most when it comes to my marriage is how my hubby makes me laugh.  After ten years, he still cracks me up.  Let's face it, you love your partner but you're not in that lovey-dovey mood all the time.  Sometimes you're just friends playing pranks on one another.  Or sometimes you're room mates who annoy each other with your habits.

For instance, my husband became annoyed with me recently for not replacing the tissue.  In other words, I didn't grab a new tissue box to replace the used up one next to his sink.  Kirk was quick to point this out to me, like I was a culprit he caught red-handed.  He then admitted though to often not being the one who replaces the toilet paper rolls when I'm looking for one.  He says I'm the one who uses most of the T.P. anyway. (How dare he?)

Still, I guess he wanted to prove a point.  Later that same day, he walked over and did this to the toilet paper holder in our bathroom:

I just had to laugh over it.  I really did. 

I refer to it as my victory tower.  It's my own Eiffel tower made of toilet paper.  I especially feel like a winner having this much T.P. by my side.  Or I guess I should say by my backside, haha.  ;-) 

Oh Kirk darling, I love you!  This really made me laugh so hard that I had to take a photo of it (and write a blog post over it).  These are the things I will still be laughing about when we're 88 years old with drool running down our chins with our mouths full of missing teeth. 

I think next time we run out of tissue, I'll create a tower of boxes for you.  The leaning tower of Kleenex, perhaps!  ;-) 


 

Do You Believe in Signs?

I go back and forth with my thoughts on faith, religion, destiny, a purpose, etc.  I have for several years now; I even wrote a long post about it back in 2009. 

Every now and then when I wonder if I'm doing the right thing.  I ask no one in particular (or maybe I talk to myself?) I ask if I'm making the right decision or following the right 'path' in my life. 

Remember how I revealed that I resigned from my job?  Well I have wrestled back and forth emotionally with that decision for a few weeks.  After I told my bosses, I questioned if I made the right choice.  Then on the night before my last day of employment, I found two fortune cookies in my kitchen pantry.  The crazy thing is that I've had these cookies sitting in there for two weeks.  Before that they were in my purse from the Japanese/Chinese restaurant I ate at with a co-worker.  I hadn't touched them or given them to my four year old daughter as I had planned on the day I obtained them almost a month ago.

For some reason though, I decided to open them the evening before my last day at the job.  I spotted them in the corner next to Vivian's gummy bears.  I felt compelled to open them.  This is what they said:

If the picture doesn't load or you have trouble seeing it, the first fortune note says: "You are soon going to change your present line to work."  The second one says "You will make a change for the better." 


Well there was my answer, I thought.  I am doing what I am supposed to right now. 

Do I believe in signs?  Maybe.

Do I believe in these fortune cookies?  Absolutely!   :-)

So Easy The Cavemen Did It?

My husband, Mr. Technology, Mr. I.T. Professional has turned his modern family onto a "caveman" diet.  Call it primal.  Call it Paleo.  Call us all crazy but that's what we've been doing since Memorial Day weekend of 2012.  While others were enjoying their barbecues with sauce made of high fructose corn syrup, my hubby was on a detox diet (and I was breastfeeding a month old baby and trying to make sense of this new food venture). 

The path toward our primal way of eating began just after our second daughter was born.  We were overjoyed with the new addition to our family.  After over a year of trying for a second child and a few disappointments, our beautiful Lana Jane was born on April 27, 2012.  Our family was so happy.  But at the same time, my husband felt sick, literally sick every day.   He had indigestion, heart burn, reflux, gas and nothing seemed to make him feel better.  He suffered with this off and on for months but it really heightened around the time that Lana came along.  No matter what the doctors prescribed him Kirk didn't feel much better.  And we all know how modern doctors today just want to write a note for a pill...  You have an ailment, I have medicine for it! 

Well not my husband Kirk.  He was tired of taking pills.  He took matters into his own hands and began researching about foods, detox diets and going all natural.  Kirk kicked it off with a detox diet that stripped him of all seasonings, dairy, sugar and more.  He ate some really bland foods for three days.  He then gradually introduced certain foods back into his daily diet.  His discovery was that he felt better when he didn't eat much carbohydrates.  He felt better eating more protein and almost no sugar at all.  He didn't suffer from stomach aches when he ate fruits, vegetables, organic meats and unprocessed foods. 

We watched the documentary Food Inc.  After seeing that eye-opening film, we never wanted to eat the same way again.  Then after talking with his friend Josh who loosely follows the Paleo diet and reading Mark Sisson's website, Mark's Daily Apple, Kirk announces that he wanted to go "primal" and abandon all gluten foods, all soy-based products, all sugar products and any meats/eggs/fish that are not organically, naturally grown.  He also wanted to go grain-free, as in no oats, flour, rice, or grains of any kind.  Therefore that meant no cereal, oatmeal, traditional flours, etc. etc. 

Okay, that doesn't sound too bad right?  We can live with that.  But wait, what?  Soy is in everything!  Gluten is in everything. Even the foods that don't have gluten have soy and other harmful things in there.  How do the two of us working parents cook from scratch every day with two young kids at home?  There is no more opening up a package of pasta and cooking it on the stove and having dinner ready in fifteen minutes.  We can no longer eat our red beans and rice the way we used to do each week. 

Oh boy!  I sigh.  My husband is crazy and this is his early mid-life crisis, I think.  He's gone food-crazy.  I mean, I thought we ate healthy.  We ate "whole grain" and "whole wheat."  We ate low-fat or no-fat.  That's what you're supposed to do, right?  Heck, I even wrote a cookbook about our healthy eating habits and 50 recipes of my family's favorites.  I self-published it and sold it to family and friends for Christmas in 2010.   I even had a whole blog dedicated to our "healthy" recipes for awhile. 

Still, Kirk became very passionate about this.  And well, he's my husband.  For better or for worse, I'm with him.  Even if this includes food-crazy habits.  If he wants to completely change the way we eat, so be it.  I'm in it with him, 100%.  Well maybe 85%.  I still have a cheat meal or snack every now and then.  There was no way I wasn't going to enjoy a little sugar on my birthday after all!  However, I usually regret my non-natural meal when I feel tired and yucky afterwards....  That's what happens when your body becomes used to eating what it's meant to have - natural foods!

So together, because we're a team, we began cooking fresh, homemade meals every day.  We threw out half of our pantry - got rid of nearly all the packaged foods we had on hand.  I donated them to a Ronald McDonald charity house.  Don't think that makes me look good as I probably just shortened the lives of those families with processed junk.  Oh well, I couldn't bring myself to just throw out hundreds of dollars of foods.  

Kirk really stepped it up in the kitchen, I have to say.  But then again, he had to, remember?  This was all his idea after all. Plus, I was just a little busy dealing with a newborn and her big sister.  In the beginning, it was nearly all him doing the cooking.  I pitched in when I could and when a baby wasn't sucking on my boobs.  I looked up recipes and organized a spreadsheet of the ones we prepared.  I took the format a friend shared with me years ago and sorted out our foods by day, month and ones to try.  I divided them by the food type - seafood, chicken, bread substitutes, desserts, etc.  Soon after we'd had a collection of print-outs, I grabbed a binder from work with those A to Z tab inserts and we began alphabetizing our favorite recipes. 

We've managed to create quite a good collection so far, even after just three months.  Some of my favorites are the egg quiches my husband makes on a weekly basis, a skillet hash made with all natural sausage, sweet potatoes and spinach, a shrimp scampi dish over cauliflower 'rice' and banana-chocolate chip 'cake' cookies that are made with ground almonds. 

The biggest thing I've learned about this way of lifestyle eating is that you have to be very organized.  You have to have a plan.  Because this way of eating is making your foods from scratch, it's not easy to throw something together, at least not in the beginning. 

Sounds hard right?  Well some moments it is.  Healthy foods like fresh produce and organic meats often cost more than processed foods and items with fillers and preservatives.  But with time and practice you learn how to shop smarter and more frugally.  Eventually you become faster at how to prepare "primal" foods ahead of time.  After all, we don't have to go out and hunt our food before we eat it like the cavemen did.  We can shop at the whole foods store and put items in the freezer.  

In the long run, if we live longer, healthier lives and have minimal doctor visits, it is worth the extra money and effort to eat this way!  After all, we finally realized that what you put into your mouth is extremely important. What you eat becomes you....  You truly are what you eat.  And if you are eating a bunch of junk, you're going to feel like junk. Carbohydrates may give you energy but eating too much of them just turns them into sugar and then causes your body to go into insulin shock.  Before you know it, you're overweight and dealing with Diabetes.  Believe me, we see it on both sides of our families... obesity and no energy from relatives.  If they'd only control what they put into their diet and mouths, they'd feel well again!   My grandmother manages hers by eating and she's lost weight effortlessly. 

Unless you're an athlete in need of a quick energy boost, you don't need to consume a bunch of carbohydrates.  They just don't do your body any good in the long run.  Therefore, we keep our carb content down and only eat what we deem the good carbs that are in nuts (not peanuts since they are legumes), fruits and veggies. 

Sure we've given up some items.  We stopped eating breads.  I even gave away my bread maker machine.   I've given up cereal - even those supposed 'good for you whole-grain' types.  I've given up oatmeal.   I've given up rice, except for the occasional outing where I eat sushi.  Why these things you ask?  Surely they can't be that bad for you?  Well maybe they are not that bad, but they're not really good either!  And if I'm going to put food into my body, then I want it to be doing something good for me.  I want it to be foods that will be properly digested and broken down into my body for nourishment, not just coming out the other end in the same manner it when in, if you catch my drift! 

Even though we've lost some foods I used to eat, here's what we've gained back:  Butter, lots of butter actually.  And Bacon.  I just can't say enough good things about bacon (in moderation of course) when it's from a healthy, roaming pig.  And whole milk, the organic kind.  No more skimming and skimping on the fatty stuff for us.  It turns out that the low-fat and fat-free things out there are worse than the real deal.  The crap they put in those things to make them low-fat or no-fat just puts you one foot into the grave sooner. 

I can't tell you how wonderful our kitchen smells when we cook up REAL FOOD and how delicious those first bites are especially after you've been eating a low-fat, whole-grain diet for years now!!  Yes sir, the real stuff, the fatty stuff, is sooo much better!  Real hot dogs made with no nitrates are just about the best damn thing ever!  Better tasting, and as it turns out, better for you too!

If you're a vegetarian or a vegan and you happen to be reading this post, well I'm sorry about that.  We love our vegetables too.  In fact we now enjoy more broccoli, spinach and cauliflower than ever before.  We also eat asparagus, eggplant and tons of other things.  But dang it, we love our meats too! We mostly eat lean meats, like chicken, ground turkey and lamb.   We also eat a lot more fish now too.  Red fish, rainbow trout, catfish and tilapia to name a few. Occasionally we enjoy steak or bison meat.  And it's so good, I mean really, really good!   You veggie people can keep your soy and tofu and I'll stick with what we like and believe is better for us.

This is still new to us.  We're still learning and figuring our way.  But I can tell you that I lost my 40+ pounds baby weight in no time thanks to eating this way.  I can also tell you that I have more energy now than I have in years.  And with a four-month old baby around waking up in the middle of the night, that is saying a lot!!!  Best of all, my husband is feeling well again.  No more heart burn.  No more gas.  And no more visits to the E.R. and doctor. 

The biggest surprise since we've gone primal is my realization that eating fat doesn't make you fat.  If anything at all, it makes you lose body fat (as long as you're eating the right kinds of fat - nuts, avocado, meats, butter, etc.)   I'm eating more fat than I have in years, and I feel better and I'm thinner than I've been for awhile, without even trying or exercising much.  I love my cashew nuts, almond, Kerrygold butter, olive oil and bacon.  I drink whole milk and have it in my husband's homemade yogurt too.  I have all natural cheese in moderation.  My husband doesn't eat much of cheese these days but I still enjoy it from time to time. 

So those low-fat, low-calorie diets out there can kiss my butt!!  Count your points if you have to but  I don't count calories and I don't worry about fat, not even the saturated fats which have a bad reputation.  I keep my carbohydrates to a minimum and I go for hours without eating; I don't feel hungry like I used to always be. I still enjoy the foods I used to eat but in new and improved ways.  

Perhaps one day I will start a new food blog and share some of these amazing recipes we've been trying and eating.  Although I'm not sure most of my friends and family would give up bread, pasta and rice like we have.  I'm not sure they'd cook from scratch every day like we do.  After all that takes time, effort and determination.  But like I've said, what you eat now will determine your future and how long you're on this earth.  I don't know about you, but I want to live a good, long and healthy life!! 

From now on, we are putting nutritious, wholesome, all natural foods on our dinner plates.  You can have your fast food chicken nuggets and boxed up macaroni and cheese while I have my bison burger wrapped in bacon and onions, my sauteed broccoli, a sweet potato and a little bit of dark chocolate for dessert (the all-natural, 85% cacao kind by Green and Black's is the best!) 

This way of eating may not always be easy but if the cavemen did it, then so can our family, with a few modern gadgets and kitchen tools!   Stay tuned as I update you on our new food journey.  I'll let you know how we eat and how we're feeling....


(Note: I should point out here that my husband diagnosed himself because no doctor could find anything 'wrong' with him.  We are not sure if he has a condition or a disease.  Neither he or I believe that he has a gluten or soy or dairy allergy exactly.  For him, it is more of an intolerance that causes bad reactions in him.   After making these changes in all our diets, our family believes that our bodies just weren't meant to eat those kinds of foods -- boxed items full of sugar along with processed, genetically modified items that the government and television marketing campaigns are selling us.  We're just not!   That's why most people are sick these days, in our humble opinion.  Change what you eat and how you eat it and we bet you'll feel better!)

Change of Heart, Change of Plans

So it's been over two months since I've written on here.  A lot can happen in eight weeks.  And a lot has.  I started several drafts of things to write about but never finished them.  I never hit "send."  There have been many unfinished moments, items not crossed from my to-do list and just an all around lack of time/dedication to my writing.   That is all going to change very soon though! 

Change is a coming....

I've had a change of heart.  My heart has led me to the decision that being a working mom (meaning working outside of my home at an 8a.m. to 5p.m. job) just isn't where I want to be.  Or perhaps it's my job that just isn't the right fit for me.  The bottom line though is that my family wants me home.  My husband has always wanted me to be a stay at home mom.  He felt we could afford it and that it was better for our kids if one of us was home taking care of them (and well that means me since he makes too much money to give up his position).

Is it crazy that I wanted to work and leave my kids with a day care?  Is it wacky that I thought I wanted a 'career'?  Or at least a job that somehow led to a career.  Somewhere back in the late '80's/early '90's, I thought I would be like Diane Keaton living in New York and working as a top notch executive in the corporate world.  I figured the kids would come later just like it did for her in the film Baby Boom.  

But movies aren't reality and I'm not J.C. Wiatt after all.  Well maybe I am like her a little bit since she ended up in a rural town and working from her home with her own business. 

Now I want to be home.  There I said it, finally admitted it to myself and my family.  I want to be home with my girls.  

The past two months have been a struggle, emotionally and physically on my husband, daughters and me.  The day starts at 5a.m.  I get home from work about 6p.m.  We cook dinner from scratch (no processed foods for us, more on that in a future post!) so it's often 7:00 p.m. before we eat dinner.  Then the next hour is baths and getting ready for bed.  I try to squeeze in book-reading or one game with my four year old before she goes to sleep.  It's 9 o'clock before the girls are asleep.  Then it's time to do a load of laundry - mostly bibs and burp rags from the baby drool.  Time to make lunches for the next day and pick out clothes to wear, brush teeth, take a quick shower and go to bed to start it all over again the next day!  Weekends are for catching up on all the other household chores we don't get to during the week.  It never ends! 

And I know it's like this for half of America....working in the rat race and not having any down time or quality time with loved ones.  I get it.  Many people, most people can't quit. 

But I did. I decided to end it.  I resigned from my job and I have one week left to go before I'm back home again as a full-time stay at home mom.  My four year old will be in a pre-k program four days a week for four hours; therefore she'll still be having social and learning time among her peers.  Florida has a free state program so I'm thankful for that!  Baby Lana Jane will be with me all the time. 

Am I worried that I will go crazy a bit staying home taking care of the kids, cleaning house, cooking, etc.?  Yes, absolutely, sure!  But I also know that my family wants me there and needs me there so I will survive and thrive the way I somehow always manage to do. 

And maybe just maybe I can get back to what I love too - writing.  Although I liked my job okay, I didn't love it.  It wasn't my passion. 

My next job or my next step toward a 'career' if it ever happens, well I want it to be something I'm truly crazy about.  Almost as crazy about as I am over these two girls:



What can I say?  They've gotten under my skin.  I changed what I want.  I changed my priorities and I realized that (for me) my job is looking after them right now more that I have been in the past two months.  I am tired of being tired around them and not having time to be happy and a loving mom.  I don't want to be away from them so much anymore.

Because if you don't absolutely have to be away from your family (and I realize that some people do.  Others don't have options and they're not as fortunate as I am!), it should be for a very good reason.  It should be for something you feel in your heart is where you need to be. 

So that's what I'll search for, going forward.  I'll be looking for an extension of my heart.  But I don't know if I will find it.  Will I ever find a job that fills my heart and soul?? 

After all, my heart is pretty full right now!  :-)

But we shall see.  I'll keep you posted.  And I'll be writing here more often too.  I can't wait!