Coupons, They've Come A Long Way Since Your Grandmother's Days....

As I was flipping through the Sunday newspaper coupons, I was amazed at my findings.  The advertisements aren't just fifty-five cents off Betty Crocker cake mixes anymore.  Nope, now your coupon booklets boast discounts off sex and alcohol items too.

First I noticed that the front page of Smartsource showcased several Cold Stone Creamery discounts.  I mean who isn't dreaming of $3 off any signature ice cream cake in the middle of the coldest month of winter? 

Then as I turned to page two after drooling a bit over Cold Stone's Valentine's Day cookies, I saw it~  An advertisement for Trojan condoms. 

The ad line reads: "Save $5 on Valentine's Day treats to satisfy every taste."  Beneath the phrase is an image of little condom boxes carefully pressed into cupcake holders,  placed outside a heart-shaped box. 

Well look at this!  I thought to myself. 

Then I tried to imagine little old ladies across the country happily cutting out the NOT ONE, BUT THREE Trojan coupons that were listed:

$1 Off  Trojan 2Go Condom Card
$2 Off  Any 10+ Count Trojan Condom Product
$2 Off  Any Trojan Vibrating Product



(Note: You may or may NOT see an image above this note.  I've tried to upload photos of the advertisement and the coupons but they're not always showing up?~ too risque' for blogger but not too shameful for kids to see them in the newspaper.... hmmm...)

Now, help me out folks!  You probably know more about these things than I do since I'm a happily, married and well-protected young lady.  But what is a "2Go" Condom Card?  Is that like a get out of jail free card?  Do you hand that "card" to your one-night-stand and say, "It's go time, baby~!" 

I mean, what is that about? 

And their "vibrating product"?  Anyone care to elaborate on their experiences with that one?  Pray tell, please.   I can just imagine Dr. Ruth getting excited over this one.  I bet she happily clips it out and gives them freely to people on the street, along with tips on pleasuring your partner. 

Then just a few pages further into my booklet, I spotted a $5 off two bottles of Bailey's Irish Cream Liqueur and/or Bushmill's Blended Irish Whiskey.   Well, isn't that special?  (Say it like comedian Dana Carvey portraying the Church Lady from SNL would say~)



I suppose it's only natural to have something like an ice cream cake, condoms and alcohol be advertised together.  After all, they go hand in hand.  Or maybe they go from your hand to your mouth or to someone else's mouth...Ewwww.... nevermind!  Both granny and I don't want to think about that!

But seriously?  When did the Sunday coupons become so scandalous, modern and smart at the same time? 

Next month, I am guessing that the coupon booklets will reflect the after-party effects of the above coupon listings from February that I have shared with you.  

What discounts do I think will come in the March coupon booklets?  Well after February's discounted dessert, sex and booze listings, my gut tells me that advertisements will be a combination of the following (below list):

$1 Off  Excederin Headache medicine
$2 Off  Vagisil Cream
$3 Off  Abreva Cold Sore (herpes) medication
$4 Off  EPT Pregnancy Test

in addition to:

a $5 late charge for the films "She's Having A Baby" and "One Flew Over the Cuckcoo's Nest"
a $10 - 20 Copay toward first gynocological exam and mental health visit, with many followup dates to be scheduled.....


Oh well, whatever works for people, am I right!?  I truly hope these advertisements will help someone out there.  Happy coupon clipping everyone!


P.S. - I actually did clip the coupon for the Bailey's Irish Cream Liqueur.  You never know when that may come in handy.  After all, St. Patrick's Day is coming up.  And let's not forget that Easter, Thursdays, Fridays, Sundays and Tuesdays are all just right around the corner....

Best Super Bowl Moments For Me That Had Nothing To Do With The Game (and a tribute post to my Dad)

I decided to write a post about The Super Bowl.  And also about my dad. 

On Sunday morning, about 8:35 a.m.  I called my parents' home.  My dad answers the phone.

Mandy's Dad: "Hello."

Me: "Hey!"

Mandy's Dad: "Hello."

Me: "Um, hi dad."

Mandy's Dad: "Oh Mandy Pandy, I didn't recognize you at first." 

Mandy: "Well, it's me."

Mandy's Dad: "Ya know. You HAVE to watch the Super Bowl game tonight.  You'll be watching history in the making.  The Saints may never make it to the big game again.  So you HAVE to watch it."

Mandy: "Okay dad.  I'll watch it.  I'll watch it as much as I can with a two year old clinging to me."

Mandy's Dad: "Alright, good. Now here's your mom...."

Mandy's Mom: "Good morning....  Yeah your dad is so excited about today's game."

Mandy: "Well I usually watch the game for the commercials.  But of course I hope the Saints do win today.  Even though I don't normally watch football or sports, I want them to win.  It would make everyone we know so very happy." 

Well.... The Saints WON!  (Final score 31 to 17).   

My dad is VERY HAPPY at this moment.  So is my entire network of family and friends.  And even though, deep down, I didn't really care who won the game, I am still thrilled for all of those folks (like my dad) who care so much about the sport and the team.  

 Like my previous post said, it's great to "dream big!"  And few people ever believed that The New Orleans Saints would ever make it to a Superbowl game, much less WIN it all.  And they proved them wrong. 

So congrats to them and to all those fans who believed in them all this time.  What a wonderful feeling it must be when your dreams come true! 

My dad (and my mom) has always believed in me.  I am amazed at the encouragement and the support that my parents continue to give me, even at my age now.  They are awesome people. I'm so incredibly lucky to have them.

Being a fan of something or someone is a precious gift.  To have a person believe in you and be there for you is truly an honor.  I'm a fan of my parents and thankfully, they are fans of me. 

So dad, because you've always been a hero of mine, I say this for you today.  I will say it once and I will say it proudly: WHO DAT!

Oh, and I love you too!

--------------------------------------------------------

And now.... here are my top five favorite moments during the Super Bowl game, that have absolutely nothing to do with the game (LOL): 

5. Eating my relish dip and relishing in the moment of the big game as I ate with my family.  As I nibbled on my hot dog with relish, Vivian turned to me and said, "We're friends!"   Awwwwww, my girl adores me and loves me so much! 

4. When Kirk and I had a conversation making fun of the half-time entertainment performance.  Our words began with Kirk asking me, "Who are these old guys?"  I replied, "The Who."   Then he says, "Well they suck!"  He adds that Jimmy Buffet would've been a better choice.  I suggest Frampton as a more logical alternative.  Then we continue to talk about how these dudes are playing to the wrong audience.  I just love a man who understands my heart and my taste in music. 

3. Speaking of music, Kirk sacrificed his time and energy during the entire first quarter to fix the corrupted music files on my Zune player.  He knew how much I wanted to update my jogging playlist, especially before we go out of town in a few days.  What a guy!  I love you.  Thanks babe.

2. Watching Viv and Kirk play around and pretend-tackle each other!  Kirk moaned after a particular replay then Vivian imitated him and ran up to him suddenly.  They both started growling at each other.  It was so funny to watch.  Those two characters stole my attention more than the game did.

1. The funny commericials and Vivian's reaction to them.  For example:

  --During the one where Betty White was tackled, Viv turned to me with a concerned face and said, "OH NO!" She was very worried about our favorite Golden Girl.

  --During the E-trade commercial, Vivian tried to talk to the little pimp toddler and his girlfriend.  I suppose they were speaking her language.

  --After the NCIS commercial where Mark Harmon and the other actors kept head-slapping each other, Viv began hitting our dog Bono with her Mrs. Potato Head doll. 

  --During the Denny's Screaming Chicken commercial, Vivian said, "Look it's chicken!" then she started to cluck.  Hahaha!

-------------------------------------------------

There you have it.  A memorable and historic game for New Orleans and for true fans like my dad. 

But for me, it was just a fun family night.  Still, it was a happy ending for all.   And who doesn't like a happy ending?  (Well, it's probably not a happy ending for the Colts right now, hahaha ;-) 

Dream Big

Vivian and I visited the library earlier this week.  She has a love for books so I wanted to open up that new world to her - a world of free literature and the borrow system.   Like I had imagined, she loved it there.



Our trip offered me an inspirational lesson that I thought was worth sharing here.... 

As Viv and I were browsing the children's section, she pulled out a book that was entitled, "Dream Big" and handed it to me.  The book was filled with quotes from various famous and historical figures. 



What was this book doing in the children's section? I wondered.  Hmmm..... well there is a cartoon pig on each page..... maybe that's why. 

As I flipped through each page, I thought to myself.... What wonderful words!  What great reminders!  Why, this is a great book to be in the children's section.  It should be in the adult section too!

Here are some of my favorite phrases listed in the book:

"It ain't braggin' if you can back it up." -- Dizzy Dean   (Oh my gosh, I LOVE that saying!)

"Everything starts as somebody's daydream." -- Larry Niven

"Logic will get you from A to B.  Imagination will take you Anywhere." -- Albert Einstein

"Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast"'  --Lewis Carroll

"Style is knowing who you are." --Gore Vidal

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Dr. Seuss   (I think I want to post this one on my wall, in every room of my house!!)

"Great spirits have always encountered opposition from mediocre minds." -- Albert Einstein  (This one makes me think of Vivian for some reason :-)

"It's kind of fun to do the impossible." -- Walt Disney

"A woman is like a tea bag - you never know how strong she  is until she gets in hot water."  -- Eleanor Roosevelt  (So true!) 

"What should I be but just what I am?" -- Edna St. Vincent Millay

"If you can't convince them, confuse them." -- Harry S. Truman   (Hmmm, does this line come with each new presidential oath??)

"I'm afraid of nothing except being bored." -- Greta Garbo

"Today is your day!  Your mountain is waiting.  So.... get on your way!"  -- Dr. Seuss

I hope you enjoyed these great quotes as I much I did.  My wish is that they'll make you think differently about your day or even the days to come.

Two months ago, I could barely jog 1/4 a mile without panting and almost keeling over.  This morning, I jogged two miles up and down hilly streets. 

Four months ago I told myself I would work hard to lose weight. Today I sit here twelve pounds lighter than what I was in October. 

Two years and three months ago I didn't think I could handle being a mother or even enjoy it.  But now I have reached a great place where I am amazed at my loving daughter and I am so grateful to be a mom.  

When I made the move to Florida, I decided to make some changes in my life.  Not just physical changes but mental changes as well.  Improve my attitude and surround myself with positive activities and uplifting people.  I'm happy to report that I'm doing what I sought out to do.  And I feel happier and more fulfilled because of it.

My dreams and accomplishments may not be "big" or they may not mean that much to others.  That's okay.  Since they are, after all, MY dreams and they mean a great deal to me.  I know that I can really achieve the things I want, if I continue to believe in myself and work hard toward those goals. 
 
Even if you don't dream big, I hope you do dream.  It's never too late to have wishes and work toward making them come true.  Happy dreaming everyone!

Labels and Values

Labels are all around us.  I have been thinking about them a lot lately.  I suppose they are on my brain since I can't escape them.  For starters, I'm always looking at food labels.  Plus, once a week, I have to label my daughter's lunch, diapers and clothing before she attends a Mother's Day Out program.  I do everything but slap a big name sticker on her forehead before I drop her off for a few hours.



I am also thinking about the labels we give each other.  When I hear adults discussing other adults or even children, I'm amazed how quick some people are to call a child a "problem" or "spirited." Or when adults call another of their own "selfish," or "moronic."  In most cases it seems that these labels are given out simply because an individual doesn't like or doesn't understand what another person does or says.

Most recently there has been a debate brewing around my home town near New Orleans.  The controvery is surrounding labels and trademarks of the phrase "Who Dat" for Saints Football gear.  Now, most of you may remember that I don't watch football or even consider myself a sports fan.  But the topic of selling merchandise and the NFL trying to prevent vendors from placing the "Who Dat" slogan on clothing and other items does intrigues the writer and English major in me. 

Would this be an issue if the Saints weren't going to the Superbowl in less than a week?  Would anyone care?  I find it comical and admirable to read that Louisiana Congressmen like David Vitter are even taking a stance on this issue, telling the NFL that they can sue him or he'll start his own t-shirt label that says, "Who Dat Says We Can't Print Who Dat."

That leads me to my thoughts and questions for the day.... Who really owns a label?  And who decides what labels are worth?

The first question is tricky.  Lawyers will argue one way and the public may argue a different verdict.  Trademarks may be in place but they often have a gray area.  There is so much debate over this topic that I won't even dive into the thousands of cases over the past decade.  Remember when author J.K. Rowling was upset over her last Harry Potter book leaking out over the internet?  How about that Metallica vs. Napster case, anyone?  There's just too many examples to discuss.

The second question is easier to answer though.  Who decides the value of a label, word or item?  Well, we do, of course. 

We decide if something is valuable and worth the price listed on the tag.  We determine if the words someone says has any merit.  Do you believe in it?  How bad do you want it? What is it worth to you?  Are you willing to go against the grain and even stir up trouble by "owning" or buying a particular thing, phrase or label?

As I organized my closet over the weekend, finally clearing a path where I could walk inside, I ran my fingers through all my clothing.  Most of them are clearance items.  You know, the JC Penney or Sears BOGO specials.  But there are a few skirts or tops (even shoes) that I didn't care what the price was, I just had to have them.   Even though they sit there collecting dust now.



In fact, to this day, my mom still brings up that $200 homecoming suit that I begged to have my senior year of high school.  That top, skirt and matching hat that I would die if I didn't get.  The beautiful beige ensemble that I wanted to wear proudly across that football field for the big homecoming football game.  Football that I don't give a flip about, not then or now.  Those three minutes of glory have long been forgotten, but my mom still reminds me of that hefty price tag she paid for my happiness. 

That 1995 homecoming suit and those articles of clothing hanging on my shelves mean very little unless I place value in them. A Coach purse and Jimmy Choo shoes mean nothing to me today but they are everything to Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City.  Neither one of us is right or wrong in our choices.  We simply value things differently.

As I get older, my tastes and values are changing.  Right now, I'm more concerned with my own personal values rather than the articles of clothing and "stuff" sitting inside my house. 

I'm also trying hard to avoid reading into or attaching labels to other people. Including other children and my own daughter.   I'm tired of hearing negative things being said about this person or that thing.  I'm not taking stock in that kind of behavior anymore. 

And I am no longer allowing other people to label me or my kid.  No one else (except my husband Kirk) really knows who I am or who Vivian is as a person anyway.  Why should I listen to others' opinions?  They will most likely provide no value to me.   For example, if someone calls my Vivian "difficult," (as Vivian's former day care director said on our last day there), it will not mean anything, unless I let it get to me.  I don't have to believe what someone else says.  If I don't value the statement, the person or the label, then I don't have to "buy" it. 

I'm learning these lessons the hard way. But at least I'm learning them now.

Labels and values can apply to so much in life.  I'm seeing that more and more these days.  And I'm trusting my instincts to know what labels are important to me and how they affect my values.

Now, don't get me wrong.  I still buy labels from time to time.  I may even offer someone a label too.   Just last week, I had a small shopping spree and bought nothing but name brands.  (see below)




A "treat yourself trip" from time to time can make you feel good.  If you had two gift cards, like I did,  then it makes the store visits even more enjoyable.  :-)

Most importantly though, I valued the experience in the stores more than the items I purchased.  I had a few hours of Mandy time to myself (while Viv was being cared for at a Mother's Day Out program).  So I had nearly four hours where I could focus on just my own needs and wants.  I could relax and breathe easier.  There was no rushing around.  No worrying about anyone else for a change.

That time to reflect on my values, while I just happend to buy a few labels,..... well I guess you can call that priceless.

I'm Somebody's Mommy

You'd think I'd realize and remember the important fact that I had a child just over two years ago. Two years and three months to be more exact. 

Of course I am a mommy.  I remember the 40+ pound weight gain over nine months.  I remember pushing that life out of me.  The first year was a blur but I remember most things after the 18-months mark.

Still sometimes it just hits me on certain days....  I am a mom.  I'm Vivian's mom. Holy Crap~!

She won't let me forget it these days.  She walks around the house shouting my name whenever she can't see me or find me.

"Mommy!  Mommy!  Mommy!"

She says it over and over again.  It's quite cute.  Until it becomes annoying.

Hearing those words can be bittersweet.  I love being a mom.  It's a huge part of my life.  If it weren't for me being a mom, I might have never started this blog.  Writing about my initial frustrations and worries over motherhood is what prompted me to start this site. 

I love this experience of being somebody's mommy.  But I don't want it to define me completely.  I try to walk that fine line of who I am and what I am.  If that makes any sense.

Still I am a mom.  I'm somebody's mommy.  And even though I'm writing less and blogging less, I don't mind it.  I don't really miss it.  Because, I am, after all, enjoying my life more these days as somebody's mommy. 

I get to be Viva the Diva's mommy every day:



What a ride.  What bumps we've experienced along the way.  And we're just beginning. 

What fun we're having.  What laughter consumes me each day too (And tears and screams). 

What a crazy life I now lead because of this little booger and all she gives me.



Yet still, the world really should make it a bit more difficult to become a mom.  I mean, you should have to apply for it just like getting your drivers license.  Proof of documentation, blood samples, stool samples and more.  It's not an easy job.  It's not for everyone, that's for sure.

But like I said, it's fun (most of the time.... some of the time).  No it's fun.  I swear.

Would I lie?  Would these faces lie? 



I just felt like writing this happy little post because it's very easy to get tied down in the unpleasant things about my day and about my role of being somebody's mommy.  But the good stuff is worth talking about too.

There are good days, even wonderful days.  Like today.  And this past weekend when we were silly and took these photos together.  We need to remember the joyful times too.

So I'm hitting the "publish post" button before I forget.  And before she wakes up and drives me insane again.  :)

Am I What I Seem? (a poem)

I am the girl who likes to smile as often as I can
If I become your friend, I will be your biggest fan.

The longer you know me, the sillier I become
I will make you laugh until your sides come undone.

I may offer assistance, but I often must help myself first
Because if I haven't "been there, done that," my gesture is the worst.

It may take several encounters with me before I come out of my shell
But soon you can ask me anything and I will surely tell.

With my humor comes a serious side, a part of me so deep
That often I lie awake at night with provoking thoughts, unable to sleep.

Of course I have a tendency to exaggerate, doesn't everyone?
Embellishing in the details can often make a story more fun.

If I'm ever truly satisfied, it lasts just a few minutes, no more
Then I'm mentally digressed into something else, because that is what life is for.

I'm still working toward my greatest hits, the version of myself that's best.
Am I the person I seem to be?  Is anyone?  Take a guess.






(Note: The idea to write this poem came from my friends, both old ones and new ones that I'm currently making.  For some reason, they tell me that I'm not always what I seem at first.  They say that the crazy things that come out of my mouth surprise them.  Especially since I seem so polite and proper at first.  LOL.  I love it when I can fool people ~)
 

Proof of Identification, Please

Did you know that your drivers license won't expire for eight years now?  Yes, eight whole years~!  I don't know about you but that is a lot of pressure to take a good photo. 

I took some practice shots before I headed to the Florida DMV today.  A girl has gotta try to look her best, right? 

This was my best trial photo:

But here is how the photo actually turned out:

Oh, you don't have to say it.  The Florida weather has been kind to me since I moved here in October 2009.  I'm quite pleased with how I look these days.

But back to the I.D. topic --

To obtain your drivers license, all you need to do is submit the following:
--birth certificate
--social security card
--stool sample
--marriage certificate, if married
--blood drops
--utility bill showing residence
--home or rental bill
--hair sample (bald guys, you still have to come up with one - use your imagination~)
--bra size
--dates of your last menstral cycle (girls) or last time you whacked off (boys)
--passport
--a phone call from the first boy or girl you ever kissed
--a receipt from your last grocery visit
--gum wrapper
---three wet, green boogers and
--fifty-five dollars

Yes, that's all you need.  I was so happy to provide all those things to my local DMV.  Especially since I wouldn't have to worry about my license for another eight years. 

And I was so proud of myself for having all my documentation in order too.  I had the sheets organized and ready to hand-deliver to Debbie, the DMV file clerk.  Debbie surprisingly looked like a disgruntled, younger sister of the actress Lauren Bacall.  Not your typical miserable state worker but she was tough.  I bet Debbie just works there for the sheer laughter and kicks of the public. 

After all, I think the DMV is a good match for the characters I described in the New Year's Eve visit to the hospital.  The folks I saw earlier today were no match for the previously mentioned people named Rock Jock, Bleeding Bob and Crazy Lady of the West Florida Hospital ER. 

No, today I feared for my life when I saw a man that could've easily been Buffalo Bill's twin brother.  And I don't mean the guy from the wild, wild west either.  If you don't know who Buffalo Bill is, from The Silence of the Lambs film, then let me show you his scary mug:

See what I mean?  You would've been creeped out sitting there in the same room with him too. I feared that I was going to either be murdered or eaten to death.  Not long after I spotted Buffalo Bill, this couple came walking through the door, looking hungry.  Let's refer to them as "Pie Petersons".  They looked as if they had just finished eating a dozen or more pies in a contest at the local state fair.  Sounds pretty, this place, doesn't it?

The good news is that I was only in that office for thirty minutes.  You heard me.  Just thirty minutes.  Ya see, here in the great state of Florida, they make appointments at the DMV.  I thought it was a joke at first.  But sure enough.  I've lived in Louisiana, Ohio and Alabama.  They never took appointments in those states and I've always waited in line or in a chair for at least two hours.  So this was such a nice and refreshing change.

I had no idea of all the federal and state regulations that have changed when it comes to renewing/changing/ or obtaining your drivers license.  In addition to the extension of your license being good for eight years, the Highway patrol is requiring a lot more documents.  You also receive a star on your photo i.d. if you're in full compliance with the law and could prove you are who you say you are.  Debbie told me that this is being done to crack down on illegal immigrants obtaining false identification and also to decrease chances of identity theft.  I hope she's right. 

One lady didn't make the cut while I was in there chatting with Debbie though.  Let's call her "Trailer Tessa" since I think she walked straight over from the local RV campgrounds.  She was crying and causing a big scene at the front entrance about Florida making it difficult for her to obtain a license.  Her skinny, toothless boyfriend was hanging onto her with their nearly newborn baby. 

I don't know what documents she was missing as it was difficult to make out her words through her soap opera star practiced tears.  The whole scene was all very interesting, to say the least.   I suppose I should feel sorry for "Trailer Tessa."  But I didn't.   I did feel sorry for her baby though.

I can't say I'm perfect and always have my things together though.  As organized as I was about having my i.d. documents in order, I realized yesterday that I never did obtain a birth certificate for my own daughter. 

Yes, that's right.  We don't have a birth certificate for Vivian.  Sigh~

And I probably wouldn't have known it for several more years either if I hadn't just enrolled her in a Mother's Day Out program.  This program is at a local church and they require me to provide a copy of it along with her medical records. 

While searching yesterday for Vivian's proof of life, I am scrambling around wondering what the hell happened to her birth certificate.  I couldn't remember what it looked like.  I didn't remember ever touching it with my fingertips.  Finally, Kirk and I came to the conclusion that we just don't have it and never received it.  If we had, then it would be there right next to her social security card, hospital discharge paperwork, her tiny foot prints and her 100+ doctor visit bills and co-pays that we've made for the past two years. 

I blame this missing document partly on my lack of sleep and the newborn hell I experienced back in November of 2007.  I also partly blame the hospital where I delivered since I distinctly remember the nurses in Dayton, Ohio (where Viv was born) tell me that it would just be mailed to me.  No problem.   Oh, it's that easy, I remember thinking before we discharged. 

Anyway, it's on order now.   Hopefully we'll receive it soon.  Otherwise, how will we know that Vivian is really ours? How will we know when her birthday really is?   After all, witnessing her crawl out from my vagina won't suffice these days.

So lesson learned folks.  Be sure you have your papework and important documents in a safe place where you can find them.  You never know when you need to prove who you are at any given moment.  Because we already know that crying and carrying on like "Trailer Tessa" won't work. 

A Letter From Vivian, 4th Edition: More About Me

Dear Readers of Mommy's Blog,

Hello! It's me again - Vivian! I know you've missed me.   And for any new readers or followers to mommy's blog, welcome to the best part about my mom - ME!  :) 

Once again, it has been far too long since we last talked.  Almost three months!!!  I need to write more blog posts since you've all secretly told me that you think I'm a better writer than my mommy anyway.



In case you've forgotten to read my last three letters, here they are:
my 3rd Letter,
my 2nd Letter
and my 1st Letter!


Go ahead and read them now. It will make more sense that way.  Are you clicking on these links yet?  Don't skip it.  You'll regret it!


There are so many things to discuss since my last letter. We moved into our new home in "Flaw-wah-dah." I have a huge room now, filled with lots of toys.  It's very cool.  Although, I don't like to play IN my room a whole lot.  No, ya see, it's much more fun to drag out all my things into the living room, kitchen and bathroom.  I love mommy's look of surprise when she discovers one of my toys under her foot when she's walking around or finds one under her butt as she sits down on the couch.  Her face is priceless! 




We have a backyard now with flowers and plants in it.  I love to water the plants.  Mommy says I "drown" them, whatever that means.  We look for birds and airplanes flying overhead each time we go outside.  And we're never disappointed.  There is always something flying over us.




I play with other kids sometimes so that mommy can see other adults.  Sometimes I go along with this.  Other times, I kick and scream and argue because.....well, I can and just feel like it.  And sometimes I just want my mommy and her attention all to myself.  But I heard mommy tell my Mia that she is putting me in a "Mu-ther's Daay Out" program soon.  If that is where the mommies go away and us toddlers can stay home all by ourselves.....then, cool!  Sign me up!   


Mommy says I am getting even more hair these days.   So, that's what that is growing on the back of my neck!  I thought maybe mommy waited too long to bathe me!



I had a lot of visitors over Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years.  All of my grandparents came to see me.  Boy, was that fun!  I made them all laugh and laugh.  I think I made them cry too when I cried.  It's so fun being the center of attention ALL the time.


Our pets are still crazy and nutty.  Mommy calls them "ner-rot-ic" every day.  She was laughing at our dog Bono who surprised daddy with a poop pancake last week though!  I didn't see what the big deal was, I poop all the time.  Why should our dog be any different?  



I've been testing my limits lately.  Or that is what mommy and daddy call it.  My mom says I am "deff-eye-ant" just because I can be and want to be and that is why I go in "time-out" a lot.   I've even gotten a few spankin's on my hiney.  I just stay quiet for a minute or two in my crib and then mommy or daddy comes to get me.  Then we just forget the whole thing happened.  It's kind of fun really, like a little game we play.




Mommy is doing great.  I heard her tell daddy that she's lost eight pounds since November.  I can tell.  She can run faster after me and even catch me.  Also she lifts me up more because I think her arms are a bit stronger.  I love mommy no matter what size she is though.  I like some cushion when she hugs me anyway.




Daddy seems to be doing okay, other than that car accident he was in on New Year's Eve.  Some lady named Miss Daisy hit him and shouldn't be on the roads, daddy says.  He also got bitten by a spider at work that caused an infection.  My dad has had a rough start to the new year!  I sure hope he feels better soon.  I love him lots, even though I don't hug him as often as I should.  I know mommy wants him to get well soon too since I heard her say she's "tired of him using the excuse that he has brain damage" in order to get out of taking out the trash and other chores.




My three favorite things lately are to count numbers, jump, and to play with ketchup when I eat.  I can count from one to thirteen.  Mommy tells people that I can count to twenty but after thirteen, I just say "aww-teen" for every number until I hear her say we've reached twenty.  Yay!  I got mommy sooo fooled!   I love to jump randomly too.  I'll just start jumping around the house for no reason, other than it being fun of course!  Oh, and whenever mommy feeds me foods like fish sticks, chicken nuggets or hot dogs, she gives me ketchup, I love to dip my fork in it.  I also love smearing it all over the table, on my clothes and anywhere within my reach.  Ketchup is awesome!




Oh well, I better go. Mommy is about to make me breakfast. I hope it will be something that will make me have a good poop today.  Then I can show our dog Bono who is the queen of poop in the house!~




Anyway, I hope you readers are fabulous. I'll close my letter now and leave you with some beautiful pictures. What are the beautiful photos of? ME! Of course!




See you again soon!


Love,
Vivian


-----------------------------------------------------------




Me enjoying ketchup (pictured below):





Me watering mommy's plants:







Me torturing playing with my cat Sam:





Me playing with paper puppets:

Marital Conversations, part one

Here is a sneak peak into what real marriage conversations are like.  Or what they are like in my house hold anyway. 

Don't be jealous of how romantic Kirk and I are with each other.  Maybe one day you and your partner can share these kind of things too. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The scene: Mandy and Kirk are watching old 80's music videos.  "Don't You (Forget About Me)" by Simple Minds is playing.

Mandy: "Was that a clown I just saw? And what's with all the kids toys in the room?"
Kirk: "I don't think people gave much thought in what to put in most 80's videos.  The singer looks like a child molester.  And I suppose the director said, 'hey, let's just throw a bunch of crap on the floor to fill up the room.'"
Mandy: (laughing) "It's a good thing I always think of the film 'The Breakfast Club' when I hear this song instead of picturing these weirdos."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The scene: Mandy is cutting up chicken for dinner.  Kirk is bathing the dog Bono in the guest bathroom. 

Kirk: (Yelling from down the hallway) "Mandy, come here please!"
Mandy: "What?" (because I'm polite like that)
Kirk: "I just wanted you to see this." (points accusingly at the bottom of the bathtub where a brownish pancake sits). 
The stinch then hits my nostrils.
Kirk: "Look at this shit.  That is Bono's shit!  That just fell from his butt as I lifted up his tail and was bathing him." 
Mandy thinking to herself, (okay.....so?) 
Mandy trying to keep a straight face.
Mandy: "Do you want me to make a grooming appointment?"
Kirk: "He needs a sanitary appointment."


Later on in the kitchen, an hour after the bathing incident with the dog.....


Kirk moans and says, "That was so disgusting!"
Mandy: "I want to feel sorry for you.  I really do.  But I deal with crap all day, every day.  So I don't." 
Kirk: "Yeah, but yours is usually in a diaper."
Mandy: "Umm, no, not always.  I just dealt with this same scenario two weeks ago and I didn't have a bathtub and showerhead to wash it off either."




Hours later....


Kirk: "I feel like that shit is still on me."
Mandy: "Tell me about it.  That smell creeps up under your nose and stays with you for hours."



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The scene: The next night..... Kirk and Mandy are lying in bed.  Mandy was just about to drift off peacefully into sleep......


Kirk:  "I think I need to a make a copy."    (There is a story behind this phrase which I will share another day but basically it means that a number 2 is in order).
Mandy: mumble, moan, ignoring Kirk.

Kirk gets up for several minutes.  Then he returns to bed.

Kirk: "False alarm.  I didn't need to go after all."
Mandy: (sigh) "Thanks babe.  You really don't need to announce these things for me.  Especially when I'm trying to sleep." 

Kirk laughs.  Mandy puts pillow over her head.  Fade to black.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


That, my friends, is why I am always talking or thinking about bowel movements.  I try to keep my conversations poop-free, I really do.  But even when I try to escape them, they find me, haunt me and won't leave me alone. 

Anyway, I hope you have a crap-free or crap-ful day.  Whichever you prefer. 



(Disclaimer: I actually love the talks that Kirk and I share.  The reason I chose to post these is because I do find them funny and want to remember them when we're old and missing teeth.)

Relish The Thought!

I've never been a fan of the food relish.  I found it too scary most of the time or flat-out disgusting and unappealing. Until now, that is.  It's amazing how your taste buds change over time.  Just like your desires, thoughts and goals. 

However the word "relish" has always been attractive to me.  When a person uses "relish" in a sentence, my attention is sparked immediately.  If someone says, "I relish the idea of  _______" Or "I relish the moment when ______"  then they have my uninterrputed glance, with ears ready to listen.

It's too bad that more people don't use that phrase in the everyday language.  In fact, I double dare each of you to relish the opportunity to say the word "relish" in a sentence to someone you know today. 

Why not?!  I mean, we talk about food in so many other instances already.  Continually, we say or hear things like:

"Bring home the bacon."

"Don't cry over spilled milk."

"He is as cool as a cucumber."

"Easy as pie."

"Couch potato."

"Selling like hot cakes."

"Quit trying to butter me up."


I could go on and on but the above list is making me hungry.

Why not add more relish into your life?   

Relish a few moments out of your day to do something that will make you happy, laugh, cry or zone out. 

Relish that twenty minute walk, that song on the radio or that cup of coffee. 

Relish that voice on the other end of the phone whom you haven't spoken to in awhile. 

Relish who you are and those you love. 

Relish your time here on earth. 

Just relish. 

And if you still have trouble understanding what I mean, then start with this simple, yet very tasty recipe,  Perhaps this will put you on the right path of awesome relish-ness:


Sweet Red Pepper Relish 

Makes 4 servings  (about 2 cups)

Ingredients:

3 red bell peppers, cut into thin strips
1 small sweet onion or red onion, thinly sliced
3 tablespoons cider vinegar
2 tablespoons packed light brown sugar
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 tablespoon honey
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon dried thyme
1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes
1/4 teaspoon black pepper

Mix all ingredients in a slow cooker (Crock pot).  Cook for four hours, the first three hours on low and the last one on high.  Spread over your favorite foods like hot dogs or hamburgers.  You can store any leftovers in a jar and keep in your fridge for about four weeks. 










Mmmm, everything is better with relish!  Your foods, your words and life in general. Trust me.  And Enjoy~!