The Meltdown Plague

An epidemic is spreading across the U.S. -- it's called the Meltdown Syndrome, aka the Toddler Tantrum disease. Yes my Vivian and all my friends that have kids under the age of 3 seem to be having the same problem lately -- terrible fits and uncontrollable behavior from their little one.



Sadly, I'm beginning to think that impatience, diva-ness and tantrums may just always be a part of Vivian's personality. She's a "spirited" kid as the experts would say. The smallest thing goes wrong or gets out of sync for her and she just loses it. Vivian seems to want instant gratification; she's been that way since the very beginning, (hmmm, that is probably one of the reasons why I had trouble breastfeeding-- she wasn't willing to work at it with me.) She wants everything now.


I'm not a patient person either so we're in for some head-to-head battles in the future. However, I don't throw myself on the floor kicking and screaming when I don't get my way. I don't toss toys and food around just for the heck of it. I have some composure, LOL. To get my frustrations out, I eat chocolate, have a cocktail, listen to angry chick music, vent to friends or just curse internally a little (or a lot).


I have been researching articles on what to do when your toddler has a tantrum. Most experts suggest ignoring the problem, letting them CIO (cry it out) or distracting the kid's attention with something else. They also recommend to talk softly to your child and try to rub their back in a soothing motion. Well I've tried all of these things and most of them do not work with Vivian. Gosh you can't touch her when she is having a meltdown! You certainly can't talk to her or reason with her either. My best hope is to put ear plugs in my ears for a few minutes and let her practice her tantrum opera and hope the mirrors in the house don't break from her piercing scream. After fifteen minutes or so, I then pull her out of the "timeout" playpen dungeon and try to distract her with something like a toy or take her outside for a walk (where there are no witnesses).


Like other moms I know well, Vivian has a huge fit lately when you change her diaper. I mean, honestly, does she want to sit in feces and urine all day? Because I could just leave it there and let the dog lick it up! Why do they hate to be clean and fresh? Anyway, I do my best to change her quickly. I try harder to entertain her while I'm on diaper duty -- I sing to her, give her a toy to play with or whatever. I pull, wipe and snap as quickly as possible.


These kids don't come with a manual and even if they did, I know Vivian would need an "exception" copy because she is an "exceptional" pain in the butt. Well, I can only hope that she will channel all this tantrum energy into something like acting or performing some day. Maybe these mega meltdowns (like her Shirley McClaine "Terms of Endearment" hospital scene fits) will win her an academy award in the future or land her a role on Broadway. We shall see.


In the mean time, could someone please send me a box of chocolates and mix me up an amaretto sour cocktail? That would be great, thank you. Don't make me throw myself on the floor. I'm 30 years old, I might not be able to get back up!