The One Thing I Am Sure Of

Every so often, I take inventory and do some personal reflection. For awhile now, I have questioned nearly every aspect of my life. I have this tendency to analyze, ponder and overthink nearly all facets around me -- like my faith and religion (or lack thereof), my career path, my choices as a mother, my place here in Montgomery, and so on. Lately my constant questioning has kicked into high gear and sometimes I cannot sleep at night because of it. (But that is a post or even a series of posts for another day). All that aside, there is one thing, fortunately, that I remembered last night that I am sure about. And that is Kirk, my husband.



Our wedding day, August 17, 2002





I was having trouble sleeping (again). Then I looked over at Kirk and felt a sense of comfort and peace. He is the one thing in my life that I never question. I have absolutely no doubts that he is the person I am supposed to be with, my life partner.


Now, that doesn't mean that we have a perfect relationship or that it doesn't take effort for both of us. Because it does; we work hard at it every day. Simply it means that I don't wake up and wonder if I made a mistake marrying him. I don't wonder if there is someone else out there who is really for me. I never, ever think that way. Because I know he and I were destined to meet.


I often speculate if my family and friends thought I was nuts when I became engaged to Kirk. We had only known each other for four months when he proposed. Before Kirk, I had dated two different guys for several years and the relationships went nowhere (nowhere I wanted to end up in the long run, I should say, LOL). Kirk and I were "just friends" first and we met through the internet (this was before it had gotten trendy or was advertised on television). But then it came on suddenly and furiously -- a common bond and passion that when I think back to.... I still get the goose bumps. I just knew it. I knew without an explanation that he was my soulmate. I knew it in a way that I couldn't describe or share with others. I just knew. And thankfully, almost seven years later, I still know it today.


On our honeymoon in Cancun




I don't mean to be all sappy and mushy here, because that's not me (as most of my good friends know about me.) But I've come to appreciate and respect him even more lately and he deserves some kudos from me. I try to tell the people I love that I appreciate them.


Kirk and I have been through some difficult times. Shortly before and after our marriage, we both lost our grandfathers. A year later, Kirk's father dealt with prostate cancer. We lived in Kirk's office for five days during and after Hurricane Katrina, not knowing if our families were okay (or alive). We moved three times in four years. Kirk has been laid off from several jobs when he was a contractor. I had a hard time adjusting to motherhood and moving to Alabama (still do, sometimes). We had a very comfortable life for awhile (financially speaking) but now we barely break even and have debts. Our familes bring a lot of drama to the table as well. But somehow, through all of that, we manage to pull together.


Hardships usually tend to either tear people apart or bring them closer together. Thankfully for us, our bond grows deeper over time. We work every day at being a better partner and a better communicator.


I learn so much from him. He is the more affectionate one, the one who is better at talking and showing appreciation. Every day he tells me that I am a good wife and a good mom. He makes me feel loved and valued. And every day I try to remind myself that I am a lucky woman because I have him. To have someone that understands you, puts up with your sarcasm, that you can be utterly silly with (because I am extremely goofy). He is my best friend, my lover and everything in between.



Silly Us!




Before I became a mom, I was a wife. I keep that fact in the back of my mind as I get boggled down with all the motherly duties I have. I try to be both, not just one or the other. At night I carve out some time just for him usually before bedtime -- to talk, to cuddle or just enjoy his company. Doing that helps our relationship from getting lost in the mundane.


I am no relationship guru. I only know what works for me and I realize that everyone has their own unique thing with their partner. All I know is that with him by my side, I have the courage to do most anything and that I am guaranteed lots of laughter along the way.


Kirk if you happen to read this, let me just say it again: I love you! Thank you for being that constant in my life, that one thing that I can count on and be sure of, no matter what. No questions asked.


My favorite picture of us