What Do You Want?

"What do you want?" my husband asked me over the weekend. Such a simple question and my mind drew a complete blank.

It came up because our house in Ohio is going to act of sale this Friday, April 24th. Also, we're expecting a good chunk of tax money back too. So we're going to have some money coming in soon instead of barely breaking even and racking up debt as we have done for the past year.

So Kirk turns to me and kindly asks, "Is there anything that you want (within reason) for yourself? Is there something that you want to buy or that you've thought of recently that you wish to have?" And I couldn't think of anything for several minutes. "A new pair of running shoes, maybe," I finally said.

How pathetic is that? Or is that a good thing that I'm not not wanting anything material?

I don't spend a lot of money on myself besides groceries and a lunch with a friend maybe three times a month. I have had the same work clothes, bras and underwear for several years now. My mom takes me shopping once a year so that is the only time I typically get something for me. I never randomly purchase something for myself anymore. But I kind of thought I needed to come up with an answer to that question he asked me.

Funny because I've been asking myself a lot of questions lately. I've been trying to find more meaning in my life, simplify my life and be more grateful of the things I have. Yesterday I began a gratitude journal in hopes to make me realize how fortunate I am and to remind me of the good that happens each day.

When I got home this evening and Vivian was having a typical tantrum, I decided we both needed fresh air. Perhaps we both needed to clear our heads and think about what we want. So off we went for a 30-minute stroll around the neighborhood.

What do I want? I thought about it some more.... here are some things that came to my mind....

I want to be happier with myself.
I want to find my purpose.
I want to lose a few pounds.
I want to set small goals for myself each week or month and achieve those goals so I can feel a sense of accomplishment.
I want to listen to music more often so I can be uplifted, dance and act silly.
I want to make my daughter laugh more each day.
I want to invigorate my senses more -- through looking at art, tasting new foods, and being exposed to creative outlets.
I want to live more in the moment instead of thinking ahead to the future or reminiscing for too long about the past.
I want to start planning a trip, even if I don't take that trip for several years.
I want to take longer and hotter showers, because they feel so damn good.
I want to read more books.
I want to send random gifts to my friends across the U.S. because they are such awesome people.
I want to be a better person, wife, mother, relative and friend.
I want to learn to knit or crochet, whatever is easiest.
I want to find ways to make other moms realize that it's okay to not love every moment of motherhood and you don't have to feel guilty over it.
I want to encourage people who need it and deserve it.
I want to get my mom drunk someday.
I want to stop saying the things I want and start doing them, living them and being them.

And finally, I want to go to bed because my head is hurting from this list.

So there you have it sweetie! Now, I bet you're sorry you asked! :-)