Learning to Loosen Up

No, I'm not talking about my pants or belt buckle. I'm talking about my personality and way of living.

When did I become this uptight, worry-wart? Why have I let myself become that mother who worries about what other kids my daughter's age are doing? When did I let lists and chores take up my entire day? I met up with a good friend, whom I had not seen or spoken with for ten years, back in February and she made the comment to me over dinner, "Wow, you're so different now. You're like Mandy on Prozac." I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I laughed eventually.

Seriously though, I used to be a laid-back, care-free and fun-loving kind of person. I was always the first person to act silly and do something stupid in front of the camera (just ask my parents; they have several embarassing videos to that effect). I used to relax.

But somewhere over the past few years, I've become a serious adult. Sad I know. Well growing up is important but I think that perhaps I have become too intent, too serious and less focused on just enjoying life and all the little things that are wonderful.

Good news though - I'm aware of this now and I'm trying to do something about it.

Here I am trying to loosen up right now:




For too long now, I have let insignificant things get the better of me. My daughter Vivian didn't walk until she was 15 months old. That bothered me and bothered me. I even wrote an essay about it. I somehow felt like she was a failure and I was doing something wrong. How ridiculous is that? She's walking now. In fact, she's into everything now. As I look back, she started walking when I stopped obsessing over it so much. That, plus a whole lot of praise from her daddy and me when she finally took those first steps.

Viv is very stubborn and she will do things when she is ready, not when I want her to do them. That lightbulb is finally going off in my head~ I need to just let go. After all, when I stop thinking so much about what she should be doing, she surprises me. Just this week, she started wanting to use utensils on her own while she eats. I brought the spoon up to her mouth and she said "No," very firmly and grabbed it out of my hand. She was ready to try this new skill. So what if my friends' little boys and girls started doing that six months ago. Is that on a Harvard application? When did you learn to feed yourself with a fork?

Having a child totally justifies me for being goofier than ever now. If I act like a total idiot in a grocery store line, in my car, in a coffee shop or wherever, I can just give the "crazy eye" and say, "Hey, I've got kids. This is how I stay sane!" I mean honestly, if kids don't make you feel a little crazier and wackier, then I don't know what else could!

The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that my Vivian has come along at just the right time to save me from my too-serious self. Sure it's okay to ponder life, ask questions and self-reflect. But gosh, I need to dance more too. Oh how I'd love to go on the Ellen show and just dance with Miss DeGeneres. Ellen could definitely help me loosen up!

Nothing brings a smile to my face these days more than when the music comes on the radio and Vivian starts shaking her shoulders and moving her little body. My girl can dance! She laughs at nearly anything too. It's so incredibly easy to send her into hysteric giggles. She clearly loves life. That girl is loosey goosey all the way, (when she's not being Mariah Carey the Diva that is!)

So for both you and me, Vivian, I intend to lighten up and brighten up in my life. I mean, if you can't have your mom join you in some "Reality Bites" Movie My Sharona kind of moment in a gas station someday, then what's the point?

I want Viv and me to think outside the box, act outside the box and dance outside the box. And also too Vivian, let me just say how proud I am that you are holding your own spoon now. Because I really don't like "spoonfed people" anyway.

So everyone out there, let's loosen up! I think I'll start with the Footloose; it's kind of my thing!