My Head is Spinning!

What a week! I feel like my head has been spinning for days now, not in a scary, weird The Exorcist kind of way.

But still.... Lots of things have been going on. So many sad and wild news stories are hitting the headlines. Crazy things are happening at my work with less than one month to our biggest conference of the year. There has been some drama at my daughter's day care. And the list goes on.

When I have too much on my mind or get information overload, I immediately get that Billy Joel song, "We Didn't Start the Fire" into my head. And I start singing it,

We didnt start the fire
It was always burning
Since the worlds been turning
We didnt start the fire
No we didnt light it
But we tried to fight it


Oh yeah, didn't I tell you that? I often think in song. Someone will say a word and I can think of two or three songs immediately using that word.

For example, Kirk said that I had good rhythm a few nights ago. I won't say why he said that. :-)

Anyway my immediate response to him was in the form of singing the words from, "This is the Rhythm of the Night" by Corona. Then I remembered the lyrics from "The Rhythm is Gonna Get You" by Gloria Estefan and Miami Sound Machine. So I sang both those tunes to him. I'm kind of strange like that.

And yes, I'm serious about this! I often do this with friends - just break out into song lyrics. Or sometimes I just quietly do this in my head. I think I dream in song too. This talent is both a burden and a neat trick. Too bad I can't carry a tune to save my life. And too bad I can't play a musical instrument or read musical notes. I might have a very different career these days.

But anyway, I digress.... (as you can see my mind is all over the place!)


Let's just talk about a few of these recent developments so that maybe my head can hit a standstill again.

1). Michael Jackson died. The King of Pop is gone! I'm in shock. I remember having his song stuck in my head and including him on a previous blog post I did when I had insomnia one night. Now I feel kind of bad for teasing him on my entry. I honestly love his music and think he was a true genius and legend of his time. Sure he's kind of a freak. I think everyone can agree that he had some "issues." But gosh, he was so talented! I kind of hoped that somehow he'd make a comeback and be known for more of his contributions to music and society, rather than his obsessions with plastic surgery and legal issues surrounding children. Michael, I hope you're at peace now. Your songs will always be on my music player!

2). I let myself become sucked into conversations about other parents and their children's developments and then it upsets me. I'm part of an online moms group on Babycenter.com with a wonderful circle of friends. We all have toddlers about the same age. Often we share stories and posts from the main website regarding ridiculous things that other parents say; frequently we discover braggart attitudes and quotes from moms on their children. This week's hot topic was a parent concerned over her child's lack of speech. Other moms were quick to chime in how gifted and talented their kids were and didn't even address the concerned mother who started the post - it's enough to make me ill, I tell you! Bragging parents don't bother me. You have a right to be proud of your child. But to respond by ignoring a parent who's concerned with their toddler not articulating words and simply to go on and on about how your child will be the next spelling bee champion and how you're a clinical speech pathologist.... Well go f*ck yourself! That's what I wanted to say. I didn't! But I wanted to. I kept it to myself and didn't stir up the drama.

Why does this junk bother me at all? Well, Vivian doesn't say much words these days either. So I hear this other lady's story and I sympathize with her. I have these worries too. And I get mad over other parents quick to reply about their genius toddler rather than offer a fellow mom a sense of support and comfort. After getting worked up a bit, I later came to my senses, calmed down and remembered that my little girl is just a little girl. And there is nothing wrong with her or this mom and her child's lack of words. Why do I want to rush to have my child talking anyway? She's sassy enough as it is now without adding words into the equation. My Viv is healthy and happy. What more could I ask for? I need to stop reading that bullsh*t and definitely not let it affect me like this. I need to remind myself of an old entry I wrote and quit worrying so dang much. My child is perfectly fine. She's wonderful in fact.

3). Other big named celebrities have passed away this week besides Michael Jackson. Both Farrah Fawcet and Ed McMahon both died too. I can't say much about Farrah. I didn't follow her life or her stories much. I know she was on that TV series "Charlie's Angels" and she was married to Ryan O'Neil. Sadly, I have no clue much else about her but I do think it was quite sad how her ending days were played out in the media. Ed McMahon was a legend on the original Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. He's guest starred on too many shows to count. His voice is one of a kind and has been imitated by numerous actors and comedians. May they both be remembered fondly by their fans.

4). Day cares, grrrr! Good ones are few and far between. I remember my family and friends being shocked that I paid over $200 per week when we lived in Ohio for Vivian's infant care. But I tell you, looking back now, it was worth every penny for it. She was at a quality day care facility where most of the teachers were Early Childhood Development major students and they wanted to be there and loved kids. Since we have moved to Alabama, Vivian has been in two day cares, both of which are just glorified baby sitting services. Last week Vivian got bitten for a second time. Then she busted her lip from a fall. This week the teacher scratched her with her fingernail, right under her eye. What really happened? I guess I'll never know! I'm looking at other facilities but they're all just awful! My mom was lucky to know someone who could watch me in their home. I wish I had that for Vivian. I continually worry and agonize over the care that is being given to her.

5). Friends in need. I had a friend who lost her job this week. I felt so horrible for her since it came kind of suddenly and she does count on that income for her family. I always feel pretty helpless in these situations. I want to help out or do something but I'm not sure what. My first instinct is "let's go have some drinks!" - LOL. And well, we're supposed to do that tomorrow night. So maybe that will help her feel better for just a little while. I have another friend who is just starting her own home-business and I've been trying to help her by offering up suggestions, ideas and marketing tips. I also want to help promote her boutique to my network of family and friends (That will be a future blog post of mine!) She's working so hard and so diligently on this project and I want to do all I can to help her out. After all, I believe in her and I think her products are great! These things weigh in on my mind though and can worry me. I hate when my friends (or family members) need help and I can't do much for them. It upsets me. I cherish them so much and want to give them the world and all its happiness.

6). My job is insanely busy right now. We have a conference that is less than a month away that I coordinate, for 500 people. I write the scripts, create the PowerPoints, organize the trade show, obtain sponsorships and donations, and so on and so on. And in today's economy, our numbers are down. Money is tight. And it's just difficult right now. But enough about that. If I keep talking and thinking about this, I'll end up in an insane asylum. I just have to suck it up and do it the best way I can. I should be happy that I even have a job. That's all.

7). As if the above list weren't enough, lately I've been feeling that I've had no time to myself. Writing this blog is often the only thing I do by myself, for myself, once or twice per week. And that bothers me. Even taking a shower is a task and something I don't enjoy anymore because I'm in a hurry or thinking about what I need to do after the shower. I've got to find a way to de-stress my day. With the demands of a stressful job, a diva for a daughter and a family and house to keep up, I need an outlet. I want to start doing aerobics again. I want to read more books. But when? How? Something has to give in order to make time for these things - less sleep, less time with family? I hate having to give up something in order to gain something healthy and positive for myself. But that is life I guess. Sacrifices and time ticking away.

These are just a FEW of the things that have made my head spin this week. ("You spin me right round baby, right round....") More is dancing around in there, like my guilt over eating Taco Bell for lunch today. How I never spend time with my dog or take him for walks. How I shouldn't even be on the internet right now. Etc. Etc.

The guilt, the stress and the worry! Oh my! "Don't Worry, Be Happy" - I'm trying to tell myself these words of advice right now, at this very moment. See ~ I told you I think in song lyrics!

Well, now I'm just rambling on. Forgive me.

But I do feel a little better now that I got this out in the open (and off my chest).

Thank you for listening!