Exploring The Land Down Under

So my daughter Vivian, who is three months shy of being two years old, has been exploring her land down under a lot recently - you know, the vagina.

No big deal. I mean all kids are curious, right?

When she starts poking at it and squeezing it, I say in my Donna Reed voice - "Well sweetie, I see you found your vagina there." (I've tried to say it in a Fargo accent, but I just can't master that dialect.) What else should I say? I mean, it's not like I can reason with her. I can't talk with her yet about the birds and the bees and the joys of being a woman (cramping, bloating and bleeding).

For now, I just brush it off, laugh or pretend I'm giving a female anatomy lesson. I'm not sure what else I can do.

The only time I get annoyed over her wandering fingers is when her exploration occurs while I'm changing her poopy diaper. She apparently finds it funny to get poop on her hands, on her socks, in my hair or just on me in general. She suddenly becomes Lewis and Clark while I'm smearing Boudreaux's Butt Paste on her bunghole.

And that diaper cream - the smell of it - seems to stay on my hands for hours and hours, no matter how much I try to wash it away. I can't get rid of the stuff.

So to my darling Vivian Rose, I don't mind if you want to check out your goods. We all come from the land down under, after all. It's natural for you to want to investigate the surroundings. Heck, explore the desert and the amazon river too while you're at it.

But next time, please do it on your daddy's watch. It's his turn to raise an eyebrow, roll his eyes and smell butt paste on his fingers all day long.