The Good, The Bad and The Awkward

I'm home again, back from my conference. No vacation and no relaxation. Just work, work, work with a few cocktails mixed in. I didn't even put on my bathing suit or set foot near a pool. I did go on the sand but my shoes were on and I was only there for an employer event. See, I told you not to envy me.

Here are a few highlights from the past several days, what I like to call the good, the bad and the awkward. Shame on me, for using a knockoff version from a Clint Eastwood movie title. Ya'll know I don't like him. But it seemed appropriate to title this blog entry that in order to tell my tales.

First the good. So unlike me to start on a positive note but I feel like sharing the fluffy stuff first. So picture the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and get cozy for just a minute or so.

THE GOOD:

People still inspire other people. We had two very good speakers at my work event. I was able to listen to one talk. Although he looked a little funny and was from Michigan, Tim Cusack (no relation to my favorite actor John Cusack) actually brought tears to my eyes as he was delivering his message. He shared advice that his five-year old daughter gave him almost a decade ago. The sweet words he spoke struck a chord in me. And with all the running around and crazy things I had to do for five days, I needed those uplifting words.

Adults can still have fun, be kids again and play in the sand. We organized a sand castle building contest for the attendees of the conference. At first I thought it was L.A.M.E. and so ready for the dang event to be finished. But it actually turned out kind of fun. I love watching competition and it was comical to see adults acting like children again - playing in the sand, running back and forth to the beach water and creating their masterpiece. I was even asked to be a judge. Let's just call me the Simon Cowell of the group though because I scored them low. However, the first and second place winners were deserving of their prizes. One team made a lighthouse replica and the other sculpted a sailboat on the beach. Nice job! I had fun watching and not getting my hands covered in sand. (My shoes on the other hand are a different story!)

Another good thing worth mentioning - some people are appreciative of the work you do. I received several compliments a day from attendees who said thank you for putting together a great program. My bosses told me I did a great job organizing the event. That pat on the back is certaintly better than a bitch-slap across the face, as I've gotten in other jobs I have done in the past.

The food - Oh my gosh, I can't believe I didn't mention this first! The food I ate was so fattening and delectable! I had fried shrimp, fried fish, hush puppies, spicy crawfish and shrimp penne pasta, sirloin steak, yummy eggs and grits and a whole bunch of other stuff. And the cocktails! I had three Hurricanes one night and a giant Margarita two nights later. And some red wine too. Of course that leads me into the bad stuff about the trip.



THE BAD:

Too many cocktails lead to a massive headache! Not a good thing when you have to wake up at 5:00 a.m. and work for eleven hours. Thank goodness the aspirin kicked in though.

Lots of sleepless nights. I just don't sleep well when I'm not in my own bed. On my last night there, a gigantic thunderstorm and lightning affair began around 1:30 a.m. and lasted over an hour. Fun times! I felt like the Paparazzi wouldn't stop taking my photo from all the flashes of light against our beach condo window.

Worst of all - blisters! After the first day, I developed huge blisters on both of my feet. I wore flats too but I guess when you're on your feet for so many hours, nothing provides comfort for the toes, ankles and arches. I started to limp by the second day. I then took them off and walked around the lobby in my stockings. Then later on I wore someone else's shoes (more on that later though - that falls into the awkward category!)

The humidity! I'm from South Louisiana but I've been away from that humidity and high moisture for almost four years. Geez! Does anyone have a good hair day on the beach? I mean seriously, my hair became so frizzy that even my eyebrows began to curl up! I had to pull out a tiny brush and tame those wild hairs! Cur-azy! Why even bother with hairspray? Not even Aqua Net can save you along the shorelines of Alabama!





Disgusting and sad, some adults think the refreshments at a conference are like a free-for-all, help yourself buffet line. That's right, I had the pleasure of witnessing a grown man and grown woman (over the age of 50, mind you) stuff bags of chips and cans of soft drinks into their bags, purses or portfolios. One gentleman placed eight bags of popcorn into his tote bag! EIGHT! Was there a shortage of Orville Redenbacher at the local grocery?? And the lady stuffing peanuts into her bra and Diet Coke into her pockets. I didn't get a real close look at her. Could it have been Sally Struthers bringing it to her "Feed the Children" cause? I hope so. I find it shameful that adults act like that and then even have the audacity to look our staff members straight in the eye without flinching when they "steal" the items.

And now we have come to the awkward events that have occurred on the trip.



THE AWKWARD:

You learn from your mistakes. Our organization advertised a "Family Picnic" event in the conference brochure. So naturally, some folks brought their family members to the big eating affair. Needless to say, they were not happy when our staff members had to tell them to purchase an additional adult or kid's ticket because the picnic only included the one attendee. I'll admit that it was poor planning and not enough foresight on our part. If it were up to me, I would've let everyone come through the buffet line. But I couldn't make that decision. So when the big boss turned away Lady W with her x, y and z kids, they went away angry and hungry. Not a good situation to be in.

Let's just call her Key Lime Pie Lady. Miss Key Lime Pie evidentally ate too much of this delicious dessert at one of our meal functions. She proceeded to tell everyone around her how it didn't agree with her stomach. Then later on, she told me and my co-worker as she ran/limped past us, holding her tummy on her way to the restroom. "Oh child, that key lime pie did not agree with me!" Thanks for sharing that with us lady. I'm so happy to have that image of you pooping out green slush as I continue seeing you for another four days and you try to shake my hand. Thank you very much!

And finally, perhaps the most unusual and funny thing that happened during the trip. Remember how I mentioned that my feet were hurting from all those nasty blisters? I was ready to amputate myself - that is how badly they hurt! Luckily as I was telling the boss lady about my problem, we exchanged the following conversation:

Boss lady: "Hey, do you want to borrow my thongs?"

Me: "Borrow your what?"

Boss lady: "My thongs. I have an extra pair you can borrow."

Me thinking - why the HELL would I want to borrow YOUR thongs?

Me thinking - I don't even own my own pair of thongs. I'm more of a Granny panties kind of gal or I just go commando.

Me giving boss lady a strange look.

Me finally after two minutes: "Um, no, that's okay....."

Boss lady finally gets a clue as to what I'm thinking.

Boss lady says: "Oh, I'm talking about my flip flops. You know, my sandals. I have an extra pair for your feet, if you want to wear them."

Me thinking - umm, no I didn't know. Why else would I be looking at you in this manner?

Me gaining composure.

Me: "Oh, okay, well sure then."

Boss lady: "We called flip flops 'thongs' when I was growing up."

Me thinking - I never want to have this thought and image come into my head again. Just give me your damn shoes and walk away with the shred of dignity I have left.


And there you have it, those are the highlights of my trip. Pretty uneventful. Now my daughter is sick with an upper respiratory cold. The cat puked all over the carpet, you know - to welcome us home! And I have piles of laundry to do. So basically, it's back to reality for me.

I've missed writing on here and reading other stories from my friends. I've fallen out of my writing groove. Hopefully I can find it again. Anyway, I'm off to put on my "thongs," dehumidify my hair and stuff some Cheetos into my bra just for fun.