Stuck in the Rat Race

What do I want to be when I grow up? By Mandy B. Fernandez

I wonder if I'll be writing this chapter for the rest of my life! I'm so envious of others who find their niche -- who find something that they love to do, that they find meaningful and that they get paid to do.

Here's the thing. I really shouldn't complain. I have a decent job that pays well. It has benefits and a fairly flexible schedule. I'm lucky. I know this.

People are out of work, losing money and barely scraping by with their earnings (or lack of). I just heard on the radio this morning that my banking institution is laying off 100+ people across the southern states. We are still in very tough times.

So why am I complaining? I shouldn't be. I should duct tape my mouth shut. But I can't stop thinking about how bored and unhappy I am.

Truth be told, I've never truly been happy at any job. I'm still searching for the right thing for me.

I want to do something that I find important. And I want to spend more time at home with my daughter. That's the bottom line.

I so admire people who take that leap to start their own business or those that quit that secure employer to follow their dreams. It is such a daring, risky thing to do! And you might fail but still, folks take that plunge.

I love that my dad followed his heart. He was a banker, insurance salesman and finance wizard for most of his life. But on the side, he loved working in the garden. He loved cutting grass. We always had the nicest lawn on our entire block growing up. His own lawn care business didn't happen overnight. He slowly bought new lawn equipment and began cutting grass for people. Soon he gained more clients. Shortly after that, he was taking off from work to keep up with his new passion. Now he could have a franchise, if he wanted to, but he likes only having to worry about himself. I've never seen him happier than I have the past ten years when he starting working for himself.

My friend Amanda (who I was just promoting heavily on my blog last week) just opened up her own children's boutique. She's taking a big chance starting to do what she is passionate about - making customized clothing and accessories for children and adults. I'm really proud of her and secretly envious of her that she is also following her heart.

So what am I passionate about? I really enjoy writing. I don't know that I'm good enough to do it and make money from it; but I love it. As I’ve said before, writing is also like therapy for me. Therefore it’s key to my overall mental health as well.

I also like planning and promoting events and causes that are important to me (and on my terms). If it's an event, product, service or person that I love, I'd jump over the moon for it and tell everyone (like I did with the grand opening of my friend's store last week). Surprisingly, even though my house can be a wreck, I'm actually very organized and detailed when it comes to event planning.

What else? I also love to dance. I've been out of the loop (and out of shape) for awhile though. But before I moved from Louisiana to Ohio (in 2005) and just before Hurricane Katrina hit, I was in the process of trying out to be a Jazzercise instructor. Then in Ohio, I looked into becoming a Zumba instructor (since they didn't have Jazzercise and I found it to be a fun equivalent). When we moved to Alabama and I took the job I have now, I let go of the dancing. I need to put it back in my life again though because it just makes me feel good. And I love moving to music, there's almost nothing better than that!

I'm still figuring it all out. And maybe I'll never find all the answers to my questions. I have sooooo many questions! All I know is that right now I am growing sick of the rat race!

If anyone has any ideas as to how I can work for Man-dy (me) instead of the Man (or woman I should say, since I work with 12 women, and let me add that they are mostly middle-aged women with raging hormones), then please let me know. Thanks! I'll buy you a cup of coffee, shot of vodka, some dessert or whatever your heart's desire!