Meet The Characters of My First Screenplay~

Title: "Doctor's Office" OR maybe just "Waiting Room." (Still thinking it over).


Director: To be determined.


Writer: Me (Mandy)


Genre: Drama, Comedy and Just Plain Annoying People with some cool songs mixed in


Tagline: One tiny room. Too many people in it. Too many really annoying people in the room. What will happen next?


Plot summary: Who needs the prestige of caramel coated walls in a coffee shop? You can just visit your local doctor or medical clinic for the most colorful characters you will ever meet. As you sit and wait for your name to be called, the longest hour of your life passes before you. The suspense is growing thick. Will the nurse call your name or will you stab that guy next to you with an ink pen for banging his fingers on that coffee table one more time? Or will you choose to throw that lady's cell phone at the guy who hogged the last magazine? It's a fast-paced drama with comedy mixed in. Including original songs by Southpark creators Matt and Trey: "Did she just sneeze on me? That bitch!" and the popular chart-topping, "How many cracks in the ceiling can I count before my name is called?"


Cast overview:


Mr. Fidget



You've met Mr. Fidget. He's the guy that taps his foot, his leg, his toes or any part of his body as quickly as the Energizer bunny drops in via those annoying commercials. After he's exhausted his lower body and your patience, he then moves onto his upper body. He drums his fingers on the end table next to you. Tap, tap, tap. Repeat. Then he starts moving his fingers over his mouth like he's going to make fart noises. Yeah, he's that guy! Annoying as hell. Evidently he did not learn how to sit still and be quiet in pre-school. Where is his mama to slap him with a ruler? (Dad, you can be Mr. Fidget. Sorry, but it's true).


Miss High and Mighty



We all know one of these stick up the butt chicks. She keeps her chip up so far in the air, you think she's going to fall backwards. Her eyebrows are raised the entire time she's in the office. She looks out of place because she wants to be out of there quickly. Why is she even there in the first place? Did a mosquito bite her perfectly shaved leg? Did some dreadful child sneeze in her face and she's paranoid? I'm pretty sure she owns the Mercedes in the parking lot that says Godwork. I'm just not sure if she means God did his magic by giving her that car, her nose job or that she's truly doing God's work by gracing us with her presence. Either way, she's fun to watch and have around at doctor's visits, parties or wherever.


The Cell Phone Talker



Insert any image you want for The Cell Phone Talker because cell phone talkers are young, old, male, female and they have no discrimination. (I just thought this photo summed up the dramatic nature of them all). You know these characters. They're everywhere, giving the play by play of every single facet of their daily routine, like awful Twitter updates. "The nurse just called my name. I'm about to go to the back of the office. I guess I'll have to get on that scale. I shouldn't have eaten that muffin earlier. So I'll call you when I get to my room, okay?" Actually in my case, I witnessed two cell phone talkers. The first one was a white-haired, cane-using woman that could have given my grandma a run for her money with how loud and quick she exercised that tongue muscle of hers. The second one was a guy calling someone I assume was his sugar mama whom he'd forgotten to give a makeup gift to. Take it outside or in another room. Then we don't have to be tortured with your entire conversation. Please, I beg you.


Meanwhile, Mr. Fidget is dancing some kind of ugly reject So You Think You Can Dance moves with his ugly, unpolished brown shoes. Why can't he read a magazine and sit still? Oh, I know why:


The Magazine Hogger



Yes, there is always one person (possibly more) who picks up every magazine, book or pamphlet in the waiting room. Please, go right ahead. Put your slimy, germy hands all over every literature in the office so the rest of us can get what you have. I urge you to stack them up on the chair next to you too so that the other patients have to get close to your Brut cologne and bad breath. Are you learning something interesting from "Southern Accents"? That looks right up your alley. From that Hawaiian and plaid shirt you are sporting, I can see you are a man of class and style. On second thought, take all the magazines you want. This is probably the most education you've ever received in your 40+ years of age.


I'm about at my wit's end with Mr. Fidget. Now he just stared at the rear end of the lady next to me and made silly faces at our next character, Tired Mom.


Tired Mom



She walks in with her hair in complete disarray. Her son is bouncing on the chairs screaming. Her daughter is nagging her at the hip. She looks like she needs a stiff drink or a bat to the head so she can just get a few hours of sleep. You feel sorry for her but can't turn your eyes from her and the trainwreck she has upon her. She's the one I used to find annoying. That is, before I became one. Before I became her. (Only I just have the one kid at the moment). Miss High and Mighty gave her a dirty look. Cell Phone Talker was sure to tell her friend about her any minute. I wanted to hug her while I'm sure Mr. Fidget has (Would you stop with that toe tapping again??!!) other plans for her.


Okay, now Mr. Fidget, you're about on my last nerve! Are you planning to audition for Stomp later this evening? Because I think you have a clear knack for making noise. I think I'd rather hang out with our second-to-last character, Mr. Diagnose Himself.


Mr. Diagnose Himself (also known as Richy Rich, Know-it-all)



I chose to call him Mr. Diagnose himself because I heard him tell the receptionist, "I know what my problem is." Well sweet Jesus, why'd you come here then? Why not prescribe yourself some scotch and water from home then? Or did you just pop in to show off your trophy wife? I see you continue to glance at your watch and I heard you mention teeing off by noon. Oh, you poor sick baby. Did all that money make you ill? Just watching you in action is making me clammy and achy. Why are you really here? To show Miss High and Mighty your BMW with the personalized license plate that reads "Y Wate". (I swear I don't make these things up, folks!) Well you showed her. And all of us here in this stifling room. Feel free to leave now.


They just called Mr. Fidget's name. And I was just about to stab him with the ink pen from my purse.....


And that brings us to the final character - Me. I'm the scariest, creepiest of them all.


I call myself The Cougher/Notebook Weirdo



I'm the one that coughs every few minutes and makes everyone around me uncomfortable. I have the deceny to cover my mouth though. Worst of all, I probably look very strange scibbling in my tiny notebook about all the characters around me. It's my real sickness I tell you - my constant observations about life. You should be afraid of me. I silently watch your motions, listen in on your conversations and mimick your moves later on. From the corner of my eye, I can tell what you're probably thinking and what your mood is. I'm just waiting for you to do something foolish or say something funny so I can record the details for all my family and friends. Bwahahahah (evil laugh)! You never know when I'll strike next and how I'll use you for my next story, poem or blog entry and not give you any credit. Muwhahahah (wicked laugh)! Who's going to stop me? Who can I exploit next?


There you have it, my first screenplay lineup of characters. Please tell me who is your favorite or any tales you have about your visits to the doctor.


Oh, I should finish my story credits:

Filming Location: Montgomery, AL and coming soon to your neighborhood.


Production Company: Mandy's Crazy Head!


Stay tuned for more on this remarkable little story, written in less than ten minutes by heavily medicated me.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, so this whole thing is total bullshit. But darn funny, I thought. Maybe I do have a talent for screenplay writing and developing characters. They're all around us - we just have to open our eyes and see them. Hopefully my attempts at bad writing made you laugh.

I really did experience most of this but thankfully a kind nurse finally did call my name and I received a shot, cough medicine and a $20 co-pay to make me feel better. Here's hoping some bed rest will put Mandy's Crazy Head Production Company on hiatus for while. LOL.