You've Got Mail: It's Your Future Husband!

In honor of my seven-year wedding anniversary today, I thought I'd share the story of how Kirk and I met. We think our story is a good one.

We met online through match.com. Cur-azy, right? Seriously, did we have to go to an online service to find a mate? I know you might be thinking those thoughts. It's okay if you think for a few moments that we're losers.

What people think about my relationship does not bother me. Kirk and I are happily married. Regardless of the fate that drew us together, here we are, seven years and one beautiful daughter later, living the good life.

This is how it all began:

August - 2001. I was 22 years old, almost 23 and had been single for a year. I was in a great place, personally, emotionally and financially. I had graduated from college the year before with a degree in English. I had traveled across the country and spent ten days with friends (Thanks Sandy and Kari!) in San Francisco, California. I felt so independent and sure of myself.

But I'll admit, I was a little lonely. I decided it was time for me to meet some new folks. I wasn't a bar-hopper, wasn't attracted to any males at my workplace and most of my friends lived in different cities thirty minutes away or more. So it was up to me to be proactive to make new friends. I mean, Mr. Right doesn't come knocking on your door! You have to take action to find him.

One strange night, I was surfing the internet. I had Compuserve at the time (later bought out by AOL) and a pop-up advertisement came on my screen. "Are you looking to meet new people?" it said, so kind and inviting. Sure, I thought to myself! Why not?! And I clicked on it. That innocent little click led me to match.com. This new way of meeting people wasn't yet advertised on television or broadcasted through radio.

So, I read the rules and decided to create an account. I called myself "littlemissmandy" as my profile name because I couldn't come up with anything clever at the time. I described myself as the "girl next door," since people often refer to me in that manner. After all, I had as many male friends as I did girl friends growing up.

I listed my types of music, which I wrote varied from Rob Base and Mc Hammer to Edwin McCain, Elvis, Big hair bands from the '80s and much more (my tastes are still the same). I made some comments that I wanted my "ideal match" to be able to carry on a conversation with me, (LOL) and should be between the ages of 22 and 27, no older than that, please (LOL more!). That's a little snippet of a few things that I said.

I said other intricate details too but I'm not retyping that novel on here. I'll share with you one of my profile photos I used though. Here it is:



Not bad, right? I was cute, back in the day. This photo was taken on my college graduation day, May 2000. I was slim and ready to set the world on fire (so I thought).

I completed my profile and hit "send". And I waited. Then I went to bed, because if I remember correctly it was late at night when I did this.

When I woke up the next morning, I had about five e-mails regarding my profile. Not too shabby. By the next day I had ten more. And a few days later, still more.

I thought, what the hell did I get myself into? I didn't realize that being the "new" person on the site attracted so much attention and you rise to the top of the list, more visible than anyone else.

I chatted with a few different men. By day three, I composed a screening process. I wasn't going to waste my time with an imbecile who couldn't form complete sentences. I was getting cocky, I'll admit it. But I was young and well, why not be?

So around day four, the match.com automated system sent my profile to Kirk (my future husband). He had been an inactive user on match.com for over two months. Kirk tried it out but had no success with it. He never even bothered to put a photo on his profile page. Still, when "Venus" (I know, how cliche') - the automated system - sent my information to Kirk, he decided I was worth clicking on. :-)

Mind you, by this time, I was getting too big for my britches. So by the time he sends me a first "hello" type of e-mail, my response was something like this: "Here, answer these three questions and if I like how you respond, then I'll continue chatting with you." Yeah! I really said that.

My questions were very simple, related to music, a person he admires, etc. The real test was how the responses were crafted and written.

So of course, Kirk was thinking to himself something like.... "Well, who does this chick think she is? I'll show her." And he wrote me long, detailed responses to all of my questions. He took more time and put more thought into what he said than anyone else had so far. I then became the fish that spotted that treat on the hook above water and began swimming toward it (him).

We casually chatted back and forth for a few days. I still gave other men a chance. But after a week, Kirk was the only guy I wanted to converse with. Here he was, just a year older than me, working and owning his own condo just ten miles from me. He was good looking, seemed intelligent and witty. There was something about him that just drew me in.

Crazy as it may sound, before we even met, I knew he was the man for me. "Venus" may have sent my profile to him but I believe that we were destined to meet.

When we first spoke on the phone and I heard his deep voice (I thought he was Italian. It turns out he is part-Spanish, through his grandfather from Spain), I began to fall, fall hard.

Our first e-mail began on August 4th. By the second week, we were talking on the phone for hours. On August 21st (my parents' anniversary), we had our first in-real-life meetup. We decided to meet at Cafe' Du Monde within a local mall in the suburbs of New Orleans, where we both lived. It wasn't all oooh and aaaah on our first date. I held back and still had some logic in my brain. We did some innocent flirting, enjoyed a walk around the mall and had dinner. Soon after that, we were hanging at each other's place, watching movies together, etc. It was all very friendly.

My ever patient future husband said he knew I'd be his, he just had to play the "friend card" first. For a month, I kept him at arms distance. Then I knew I couldn't hold back my feelings any longer. He was right! I did want to be more than friends. By the middle of September, just a month and a half after we first corresponded, we were both head over heels. I took my profile down from match.com and we were completely exclusive.

I first met his mom and his twin sister Karen at his birthday dinner, September 24. I met his dad and stepmom sometime after that. I was at his place practically every night so I came to know his cat, his friends and every detail of his life.

I forget when exactly I introduced Kirk to my parents, in October I believe. My folks were impressed with him. I think they sensed he had maturity and goals, so unlike all the other men (or boys, I should say) before him in my life. And Kirk drove the same car as my mom and dad, a Nissan Maxima. So they knew he had good taste beyond just his choice in women.

By Halloween, I had introduced him to my entire family and we spent holidays together. We made the rounds during Thanksgiving and Christmas. I met his mom's huge family too and loved them all instantly.

Not long after that, we went looking at engagement rings. I know, after four months! It's insane but we were in love. Serious love and there was no stopping us. I'm sure a few of my friends and family were thinking....she's going too fast. What is she doing? But when it's right, it's sooo right and we just knew it.

He proposed on January 12, 2002 as we went walking along Lake Pontchartrain just a 1/4 mile from my apartment. We had been there several times and had exchanged deep conversations while watching the sun set. It was perfect. Just the two of us.

We were engaged! Here is our engagement picture (taken at Sears, because we're cheap like that):



We began making our wedding plans. The date was set - August 17, 2002. The place was chosen - the John James Audubon Riverboat. We were married by the captain in front of no more than 130 closest friends and family and sailed down the mighty Mississippi River as part of the reception.

Aside from it being so friggin' hot and sweltering on our wedding day, with Kirk sweating buckets in his tuxedo, the event turned out nicely. Only one uncle became drunk and was asked to leave the boat before we set sail. (that's a post for another day or maybe not....).

Kirk and I both said "I do," without any doubts in our mind. We have never wanted to change that moment or that commitment we made to each other. He was, and will always be, the perfect man for me.

I'm so glad that I had the foresight to keep our original e-mails back and forth to each other of how our courtship began. I saved them in a binder. Every now and then, I pull out that binder to remind me of how our love unfolded. I'm happy that I will be able to share the notes with Vivian and hopefully my grandchildren someday.

No, you don't get to see those, I'm sorry! They're very personal. Thank goodness Hurricane Katrina only dampened them, not ruined them, during her destructive path in August 2005.

Why did I choose to share this personal story with you? Some of my family members have not even heard the whole story of how we became a couple.

Well two reasons,

(1) I'm proud of how we met and feel lucky about what our unique courtship meant to us. I'm not suggesting that if you or your single friends are looking for a mate, that you should look online. The online dating world has changed A LOT since we did it back in 2001. Believe me, we have tried to hook up other friends of ours in this same manner but no such luck except for my college friend Tracy.

And (2) So you'll think about taking a chance at something new or interesting. Perhaps "clicking" on something intriguing may lead you to something special. (No, not the pornography pop-ups!) But sometimes you just have to say, "What the hell and go for it!" You never know what great things may come from it.

So Happy Anniversary to you and me, Kirk! It has been seven great years and I look forward to 77+ more! :-)

Like our wedding song says, you are my "True Companion". I love you!

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To view a few photos from our wedding day, honeymoon and courtship or to learn more about Kirk and me (if you have read this far and you haven't vomitted from all this mushy-love talk), you can click here.