Awkward Affections

Have you ever greeted someone hello, expecting perhaps a hand shake or nod, when instead the other person surprisingly offers a hug or a kiss? The gesture becomes uncomfortable and you feel slightly off-balance, able to only produce a pat on the back. The moment leaves you and the other person feeling foolish.

This happened to me last week with a business acquaintance. He leaned in for a hug and I wasn't prepared for it. Therefore, instead of two ships passing in the night, we were the Titanic and the iceberg colliding. Can you say.... Awkward!? It looked similar to this (at least in my mind it did):



These not so pleasant moments always seem to find their way to me. I recall an unfavorable incident about six years ago when surprise affections occurred. Kirk and I attended the wedding of an old high school friend of mine who was also my neighbor growing up. I knew we'd run into several classmates, including an old boyfriend, that I had not seen for years.

Sure enough, we met up with the guy and his family. The meet and greet was cordial and friendly. Later on, this old flame of mine came up to the table where we were sitting to say good bye and offer best wishes. I had not heard or seen him walk up to us. He rather slyly came from behind my shoulder to give me a kiss on the cheek. But being startled, I turned my head and the kiss was planted on my lips instead. Awkward! But thankfully, he excused himself and left after that. My husband knew it was not intentional and that day was the last time I have seen him, which is fine by me.

I admit it though, I'm not the most affectionate person. Kirk is definitely the more tender-loving type than me. However, I am trying to be more touchy-feely, at least when it comes to Vivian. She's so adorable after all, why wouldn't I want to hug her, kiss her, rub her back and soak up those moments when she's willing to sit on my lap?

When I think about my family and heritage, it becomes clear why I am a standoffish type of person. My parents hug me when they see me but it's not quite as frequent as other families I have come to know (like my husband's family, for instance). My granny has a tendency to spit on us when she kisses us. Oh yes! I'm very serious. She just blows air in your face basically. I realize that in some cultures, like ancient Greek times, spitting is a sign of good luck, but come'on! My grandmother is not from Greece nor are any of my relatives. My other grandmother is never quick to show affection. (Quick to complain and insult you is more like it). My grandfathers were not big into hugging but they were great storytellers about the good ole' days or about a recent hunting trip. Grandpa showed his love by slipping a twenty dollar bill in my car or in my purse. (Hey, it works for me!)

A friend of mine once pointed out that it seems weird that several of my aunts and uncles wave good bye to us from just a few feet away within the same room. He asked, "Why do they wave when you're right there in front of them? Why don't you hug or simply say good bye?" Hmmm, I don't know.... Maybe my family is weird. That sure does explain a lot now.

Let's face it though, we Americans just aren't as comfortable with affection as Europeans, Latin Americans and other people across the globe. I remember my trip to Rome, Italy in 2003, noticing how warm and friendly the folks there were. Our tour guide hugged and kissed us immediately upon meeting us. Italians and other foreigners also speak to each other a lot closer than we do. Often they converse in long sentences with only a few inches between them, but we Americans prefer a foot's distance or more.

This spatial dilemma is true and I've fallen trap to it as well. When I feel that someone is a little too close to my personal space, I become uneasy and begin to back up. Our culture is that way.

Now, I'm not suggesting that we should be sniffing each other's butts and crotches the way that dogs show their signs of affection and security. I simply wish that our society was more open to sentiment. Then perhaps I wouldn't have the issues that I do. If I witnessed more people hugging and kissing on a daily basis, then perhaps I'd be more inclined to do it too.

Seems to me that adults have an easier time showing love to their pets than to other human beings. If you can let your dog lick all over your face, then why can't you hug your cousin, brother or uncle without cringing? I hear how a few of my relatives and even co-workers practically make love to their cats and dogs but when it comes to people, they don't show the same respect and warmth.



As I've mentioned, I am trying to be more at ease with displays of fondness for not only my loved ones but also for mankind in general. I want my daughter to feel loved from my actions, not just my words. I have always felt love from my family, don't get me wrong, but I want Viv to be more comfortable with giving and receiving tenderness than I have been in the past.

Several friends of mine were recently joking that some of our political leaders may need a hug these days. They look so uptight and under pressure that perhaps a big kiss on the cheek is what they need. LOL!

Go out and hug someone today, if you've got the courage ~ maybe even a stranger! Tell that person you are simply following crazy Mandy's orders. :-)