Football, Religion and The Fray

I have been thinking about these three things quite a bit lately. Too deeply in fact.

Football season is among us. Am I the only one person who has never watched a football game in its entirety? I have come close on The Super Bowl but I skim that as well.

Even in my days on the high school dance team, I never paid attention to what our football team was doing. I didn't have to - the band would always cue us with their music if it was a touchdown or something worth celebrating.

Most of my family are die hard LSU fans (as in Louisiana State University Tigers). Sorry, but I just don't bleed purple and gold (but if you add in some green for Mardi Gras, then maybe we'll talk). I just can't really get into the sport, or any sport for that matter.

I suppose it is because I never had a person in my life that caused me to be excited over football. Hell, the college I attended didn't even have a football team. They do now but not from 1996 to 2000 when I attended and graduated. No old boyfriend of mine was a football player nor did they force me to watch games with them. (Thankfully!) My husband does not follow any sports team either. No, his butt is usually planted firmly in the computer chair, playing Mafia Wars or some other geeky game.

My dad enjoys football and other sports but it was always his thing. He'd go into his "sports" room and enjoy the yelling, the whistle-blowing, the cheerleaders and the close scores all to himself. It was his time to relax. He never really invited me and I wasn't interested.

To see fans, especially women wear paint on their faces, or men put strange objects on their heads is just a mystery to me. I don't see the appeal. I mean, honestly, does this not look like a bad Halloween costume:



However, one time I strirred up some football drama among my family and friends. In January 2008, the day before the playoff game between Ohio State and LSU, I told my entire network of pals and relatives that I was going to root for Ohio State. After all, we were living in Ohio and my daughter, almost two months old, was born near the university. She and I should support the Buckeyes, right?

Well, I had uncles calling me a traitor at work the next day. My cousin e-mailed me saying I was a loser. Friends were sending me nasty grams for the next week with purple and gold tigers. The funny thing was that I had not spoken or heard from these folks in months, maybe even a year. Yet they all came out of the woodwork to tell me where to go, if you catch my drift.

Now, did I really care who won the game? Did I even stay up to finish watching the game? NO! I just like to go against the norm sometimes, stir up those patriotic spirits in my relatives, if you will. Hahaha~! It was all in good fun.

I can understand why people dig sports. They need something to believe in, an escape from their busy, stressful lives. Rooting for the home team bonds people, gives them a sense of community. I get that, I really do. But so far, the passion for football (or any other sport) just isn't there within me.

And that leads me to my second point, a very touchy subject that people are more passionate about than football - religion. Well, religion might not be the best word. A lady once pointed out to me that religion is a relationship with God (or Allah, or your maker, or whatever you believe in).

I write this with delicacy and sincerity as I don't wish to offend anyone, certainly not intentionally. But I do want to express my uncertainty at this moment with religion and faith as a whole. Right now, at this point in my life, I don't have faith. I'm not sure what I believe, if anything at all.

I want to ask people, "Why do you believe what you believe?" "How do you know if what you think is right?" I mean, "Do you you practice what you were raised with? So, is that how you know the right thing for you (and your family)?"

"Or did you branch out and look at different genres of faith before making your decision? Did you talk to different people? Do you visit different churches? Do you listen to others who believe opposite of you? Do you whole-heartedly, 100% believe in what you do and preach?" Yeah these are only a few of the questions I have swimming in my head these days.

I was raised a Christian, Methodist to be exact. Does that mean I should follow the Methodist way? Many of my relatives are Catholic though. Does that mean I should look into the Catholic teachings? What about Judaism, Buddhism and all the other hundreds of beliefs out there? Which one is right? Which one is for me? Or am I an atheist or an agnostic? I really hate labels and I just really don't know where I fit in.

Honestly, I want to believe in something because I think I would feel more at peace. As Carrie Underwood sang, I'd like for "Jesus (to) Take the Wheel." (It's so weird that I even know who that is or her song because I don't even like Country music). Perhaps I would feel as if I had more control in my life or I'd just let go, let the spirits drive for me. Here's the thing though -- I can't fake it. I can't force feelings that just aren't there at this point.

And how do I go about searching the truth and what might be relevant to me? I mean, is there an unbiased opinion out there on religion and faith? Is there something I can read or study to help me find my way? So far, I haven't found an open-minded site or source that won't judge me or scold me.

I've been asking my friends, since some are believers and some aren't, how they've come to the conclusions that they have. Most of them tell me it's because of a personal experience that has happened to them, one way or the other. Some have sent me scriptures and told me to read the Bible, but so far, that has done nothing for me. It only confuses me more. I find the Bible harder to read and decipher than Shakespeare or The Greek Odyssey. But maybe I'm not trying hard enough?

Okay, so do I just wait then? Or do I try to be more open to signs from above (or below)? I welcome prayers, if you are the praying type. I have been trying to talk out loud more, or meditate if you will. So far, I feel kind of silly. Even though I do hear voices in my head sometimes, but that's a whole other post for another day....

I wish that I had answers or that I had hope the way others do. Truthfully, I'm scared and I worry about what I will tell my daughter someday when she asks me these kinds of questions.

I'm not giving up, yet. I'm simply unsure. And sometimes, like right now (as I type this), I can't seem to think of anything else but how lost I feel.

However, I am open to the possibility of a creator or maker. In fact, that brings me to my third point of discussion, the musical group called The Fray. I've been listening to their music and it has been making me wonder....

As I drive to and from work, I continually hear their new song, You Found Me, on the radio and the lyrics just give me goosebumps. Here are some of their words:

"I found God
On the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west
Was all but won
All alone
Smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where you been?"
He said, "Ask anything".

Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
It never rang
And all I needed was a call
It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me"

Aren't those words beautiful? I receive chills almost every time I hear this song.

I like the idea of bumping into God (a god? creator?) as I am just walking down the street. Someone who looks like an ordinary person, just like you and me. Or perhaps someone like Morgan Freeman from the movie Bruce Almighty. That notion is one I can grasp my arms around. Someone that seems similar to me.

Who knows, maybe it is possible? Maybe I'll find it/him/her. Or maybe it will find me.

The Fray's lead singer Isaac Slade said in an interview, according to Wikipedia, that his song lyrics were derived because of this:

"There’s some difficult circumstances my family and friends have been going through over the past year or so and can be overwhelming. It wears on me. It demands so much of my faith to keep believing, keep hoping in the unseen. Sometimes the tunnel has a light at the end, but usually they just look black as night. This song is about that feeling, and the hope that I still have, buried deep in my chest."

I feel you, Isaac. With a tough economy and societal pressures these days, it is easy to feel a lack of faith.

Yet I don't believe that is why my feelings exist as they are now. When I finally took the time to ask myself what I believed in a little over a year ago, I wasn't sure of an answer. I didn't feel anything deep within my chest (or soul) like Isaac said. And that is a dreadful thing, really. But it's the truth.

So you see, I understand why people attend church and attend football games. I just hope that someday I'll figure out why I should too (or why I positively shouldn't).

I wrote this post because I want to remember my feelings and thoughts at this stage in my life. I want to journal how lonely and confused I am, even though these thoughts are NOT an easy thing for me to admit. It's a very scary notion for me to put this out here. In fact, I will probably agonize over any comments left here on this post.

Still, despite all that, I feel it's important for me to write my story. I hope it will lead me somewhere closer to finding the answers I seek. Maybe it will put me in touch with someone who feels the same way I do or someone who can help me. Or at the very least, maybe it will enhance my character growth.

Perhaps ten years from now, when I have solved the mystery of life (laughing), I can look back at my words and shake my head in laughter at how silly I sound here. Maybe someday I will have things figured out. In the mean time, we'll just see what happens.

Thanks for listening!