Please Let My Next Script Be My Own

As I spent most of yesterday drafting meeting scripts for my employer, I remind myself - two more weeks, just two more weeks!

Exactly ten more days of writing commentary for an organization and mission that I don't really give a flip about. Ten more days of composing commentary for some arbitrary event for a person who can't think for himself or herself.

Breathe Mandy, breathe. You're in the home stretch. The last inning is near. The fat lady is about to sing and that song will be so friggin' sweet.

My fingers will no longer type words like this:

"Hi, I'm (Your Name), your Director. (Introduce self)

I would like to welcome all of you to today’s meeting. Thank you for being here.

Please silence all cell phones and digital devices at this time.

Would ______________ please come up to deliver a few inspirational words before our program?

Blah, blah blah. Yada yada yada.

A bunch of other crap.

Thank you for taking the extra time to attend our meeting to learn how you can ____________ (insert inspirational message here)!

Please drive home safely."


Yes, I have written things like this, over and over again, for the past year. I've also created more than a dozen PowerPoints that illustrate these lines, inserting little photos of the cell phones with the big red bar going through them, to indicate that they are not allowed. Because saying it just isn't enough, right? Folks need a visual too. (insert sarcastic tone here).

I know, you don't have to say it. You want my job, don't you? Well, it's available. I could put in a good word for you. Just let me know.

No honestly, my job isn't too bad. My employer has been flexible and understanding when it comes to my family and certain circumstances. The pay is decent and the work is steady. But I am just so tired of writing for someone else.

I'm so worn out from writing business letters and proposals. I'm sick of creating budgets, devising a plan for an event and coordinating every single detail of a program that has nothing to do with me and my interests.

Please, oh please let my next script be one that I want to write. Let it begin and end with a laugh. Let it mean something to me and enrich the lives of others in some way, or at the very least entertain them from their own work stresses.

Let me write for a purpose other than for it to be dissected, mutilated and crapped on by someone who can't enunciate. Let future words be used in proper tone, setting and in their intended meaning.

For the love of gawd, let it be something fun. Something I can't wait to complete. Something I will happily tell others about.

Please let my next script be one that will make me smile. Something that might even begin like this:

(Alarm clock radio blares into the quiet room of the sleeping, married couple - Beth and David .)

Beth: "Holy crap, we've overslept!" she screams.

David: "Just fifteen minutes, it's fine." he says calmly.

(A loud noise came from David's side of the bed, took the form of a particular odor and startled the peace.)

David: "Good morning darling," he says laughing.

Beth: "You disgusting S.O.B.!"

David: "That one doesn't count. It was below the sheets."

Beth: "Oh, so if it was ABOVE the sheets, then I could complain?"

David: "Exactly."

Beth: "Well thank you for that wonderful insight into this day. My Wednesday morning is now complete."

David: "Happy to oblige you my dear. Now go brush your teeth. Your breath stinks."

(A loud smack across the head can be heard into the audience)

Fade to next scene....

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Oh well, you get the idea. Please let my next script be my own. My style. My wit. Just mine. Period.