What's Your Status?

I'm talking about your Facebook status for those of you who are on it. What is the funniest thing you've read or the most clever thing you've said on your page?

I often use my Facebook statuses as "mini-blogs," if you will. On certain days, I view it as my chance to be as goofy as possible within the restricted word limits. Now sometimes I will give an update on Vivian or give a shout-out to a friend.

But usually I will sit and write whatever silly thing pops into my head or recap something interesting about my day. I'm not one of those folks who updates their status ten times a day. You won't find me saying things like, "I just returned from the grocery store." Or, "I have laundry to do."

Anyway, a few friends of mine (L, J and S) have told me recently that they look forward to reading my status updates. They even find me funny and suggested I share my old posts here for your reading pleasure.

So I give in. And who knows, maybe I could develop these wacky thoughts further in the future. Anyway, here goes: (a few of my favorite posts that I've written within the past several weeks):

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"Who needs Yoga class when you have a child riding in your car? For the past week, I have stretched my body into tight spots and crevices that I didn't know I could do. I think I even invented a few new moves, like for instance: "Mom with big butt in air," "Car is driving itself," "If I don't find the Elmo doll, I'll knock myself unconscious" and my personal fave - "No upward facing dog would do this!" (September 18)


Let's see, what do I want today? How about an order of RAIN, with a side of WIND? Also, throw in some golf-size HAIL to accompany those TREES that look as if they are about to fall down. And then just for fun, please add a TORNADO warning into the mix too. Can you do that for me? Great! I see it's working now. Thanks. Happy Wednesday! (September 16)


Dear Florida, Thank you for inviting us to live with you. We didn't even know you were stalking us until you sent your offer letter. We appreciate you recognizing Kirk's talents and my need for some fun in the sun. I will happily accept all the fruity cocktail drinks, seafood and Jimmy Buffet songs that you want to throw my way. Cheers to you and here's to the start of a long-lasting, beautiful friendship! (September 10)


What is it about dog poo that just lingers around? Your kid steps in it. You clean it up. You see no more physical signs of it anywhere but it might as well be inside your nostril the way the smell stays with you. Ugggh! Baby Ruth anyone? (September 8)


I am in an old school rap kind of mood today. "Hip Hop Hooray" - It's Thursday. "It's Tricky" though b/c I'm supposed to be working and meeting deadlines. When I just want to do the "Brass Monkey." Would you join me? Come'on, "Bust a Move" with me because "It Takes Two (to make a thing go right)." "No Diggity. No Doubt (we out). (August 27)


We can't really use the expression "When Pigs Fly" anymore since it is coming true (swine flu). Therefore, I wonder what other sayings will come to life. Perhaps the one about "Raining Cats and Dogs." Get your umbrellas and pet traps out folks -- Collies and Calicos are dropping from the sky! (August 26)


On my way home from work, I saw a beautiful rainbow. I didn't see a crazy leprechaun or a pot of gold at the end of it. But at home, a happy little midget was waiting for me along with a letter saying I am now a "silver elite" member of Marriott Hotels. Sometimes dreams do come true. (August 11)


Today I'm attending a seminar on digital communications and social networking groups. So what that really means is that I'll soon learn how to waste more time at work and at home being online and "networking" with various groups.... Hooray! I love a good time-waster! Plus, I hear there is free food at this thing. Woot-woot! (August 11)


My Dearest Sleep, why have you abandoned me this week? Have I not bowed my head before you, night after night, eager to let you have your way with me? Your dreams become my dreams. I need you. I'm having a hard time without you. And it's not just vanity (although I love that you have not given me any crow's feet yet). You are basic to my survival. Please help me find you again. Even Mr. Sandman too. (August 7)


Maybe I'll just start throwing my entire body on the floor when things don't go my way too. I'll start kicking and screaming until all my wishes are granted. After all, who says the terrible twos shouldn't resurface again when you're in your 30's? (August 2)

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Months ago I also wrote one about cars cutting in front of me on my morning commute. Noting that each rude driver happened to be male (sad but true), I then proceeded to express my sympathy for the drivers since they were obviously late for their erectile dysfunction doctor's appointments. That one received a lot of laughs and comments but I can't find it anymore.



Anyway, now you have gained an even greater glimpse into my brain, as scary as that may be. This just proves that I really am a crazy fool all the time, not just here on my blog. :-) Of course, since I just posted these here, I'll probably never be able to come up with something clever on Facebook again.... Oh well!

So, now you see why I don't Twitter? Just another challenge to come up with outrageous thoughts within an even greater character restriction. I don't know if I could stand it!