The Scariest Place I Know~

True Story:  Last night, like usual, I awoke in the wee hours.  This time it was due to the sensation that I needed to pee.  So I stumbled through the dark to find our tiny hotel bathroom.  I shut the door, not quite all the way, and relieved myself of the urges. 

When I arose from the toilet and put my underwear back in place, I somehow strangely became disoriented.  I reached for the door to push it open but I couldn't find it.  It was pitch black.  Panic quickly set in.  I began reaching around on the walls for a sign of where I was positioned in the bathroom.  (Again this room is incredibly small but I still freaked a bit).

My arms and hands are rubbing against the bare, cold walls. Why can't I find the door or the latch to free me from this place and save me from my racing heart and thoughts?

Images of the character Elle Driver (played by Darryl Hannah) from the film Kill Bill Vol. 2 enter my mind.  Is this what she felt like after Uma Thurman's lead role poked out her last remaining good eye?  Is this what happens to people who suddenly become blind and frightened?

This is crazy!  I'm in a bathroom and my husband is sleeping seven feet away from me.  Calm down, I tell myself.  Kirk, I cry out softly, trying not to disturb my sleeping toddler in the room next door.  Nothing.  No stir.  No grumpy man walking up to say, What the hell are you doing Mandy?

I begin reaching along the walls more furiously.  Seriously, WHY can't I get myself out of this bathroom?  Why is my blood rushing through my body and my heart pounding against my chest?  Why am I such a big chicken?

Visuals of being buried alive come to my brain.  (Again, I really should not have watched Kill Bill, Vol. 2 the night before).  Movie horror scenes and fictional killers start to lurk around my mind.  Fear is really kicking in.

Finally, after a minute or two (that feels like about twenty to me), I force myself to calm down.  And I force myself to sit down on the toilet again.  By sitting on the toilet, I can visualize where I am and where the door knob sits. 

I push the door open.  Freedom!  No boogey man is waiting to pounce on me.  Only my sleeping, lightly-snoring husband who has no idea that I just had a near-death experience (in my mind).

Moral of the Story:  This entire incident is ridiculous but it really happened just as I detailed it above.  Therefore, Ladies and gentlemen - Welcome to the scariest place I know - MY MIND! 

Do things like this ever happen to you?  Does your mind play tricks on you and often become your worst nightmare? 

Or perhaps I'm just a freak.  That is what Kirk told me this morning as I recounted my horrid experience for him just before our alarm clock went off. 

My mind is the most dangerous weapon I know.  It's the scariest place on earth to me.  My own thoughts, my own fears - nothing can compare. 

There is no need for me to watch horror films or read ghost stories.  My head makes up its own terrible tales without any help from Wes Craven or M. Night Shyamalan.

The few films that I have been brave enough to view over the years are enough to haunt me to my death.  I don't even have to watch the thrilling stuff either. 

To this day, the film Jaws still makes me jump out of my seat every time.  For half the movie, you don't even see the shark.  Simply the suspenseful music, the movement of the water and the buildup of what could be is enough to make most people fearful of their lives (and to prevent me from going out too far in beach waters, even today). 

In fact, Jaws is a great comparison for my mind.  I build things up that cannot be seen.  I imagine things, images and situations that are not even possible.  I scare myself.

You may be reading this thinking, Gosh Mandy - you're such a fraidy cat.  Grow a backbone, will ya? And you're absolutely right!

Alas! ~ I believe there is no hope for my inner chicken.  I'm 31 years old and I nearly had a meltdown in my hotel bathroom this morning because I believed that I couldn't get out.  Yes, that is sad but true. There lies proof that I am a lost cause.  But hopefully it made you chuckle and feel better about your self today.

I hope you have a spook-free day!

Scary Notes and Updates:  If I seem absent from your sites or haven't visited you this week, please forgive me.  I've been trapped in a bathroom, after all.  No seriously, a scary thing is happening - my daughter Vivian becomes two years old tomorrow (Oct. 29).  So I've been spending lots of time with my little monster, preparing a tribute for the celebration.  We're also moving to a new hotel room later this week, one with a bigger bed and an oven in the kitchen.  So - another place and room to scare the bejeezus out of me!  Fun times are ahead!  Stay tuned and please be patient with me!