How Long Do You Stay Mad?

'Tis the season for forgiveness. I recited that to myself over and over again for several hours earlier today.

I took deep breaths and did some reading to take my mind off of my anger and frustration.  Still, it took me four hours before I was able to smile at my child again or offer her any kind of affection. I did what I had to for Vivian during that time period - fed her lunch, changed her diaper, etc. But I did not play with her. I hardly acknowledged her.

Yes, I know she is only two years old. However, that two year old single-handedly caused one of the biggest disruptions I have ever witnessed any child do in a public restaurant this morning.

The tantrum began as soon as we stepped into Cracker Barrel. (Next time, we'll probably just leave from the get-go). She sat her butt on the floor and refused to move. That should've been my first clue on how the rest of the meal was going to go.

Surprisingly there was no wait at Cracker Barrel, even at 8:45 a.m., so the hostess seated us immediately. Kirk followed her while I dragged Vivian's butt off the floor, kicking and screaming to our table. Imagine the looks and stares we received.  My daughter has an extremely high-pitched yell.  Think fat lady of the opera scream.  Not wanting to give up, I just hoped she would calm down once we sat down. I had my magic bag full of crayons and paper, a few toys, a banana, etc. I was prepared. This is not our first visit to a restaurant, after all.

However, I was not prepared for her six+ minute meltdown (which felt like twenty minutes) after we were seated. She just couldn't calm herself. I'm trying to talk to her, trying to stroke her back. 

Then she hit me. This was the first time that she deliberately hit my arm, instead of that fake-slap she has done in the past. Immediately after she hit me, the brat girl then cocked her arm back, ready to do it again.

Oh no! If we had not been in a public restaurant, then I know Kirk and I would have lost it on her! So it's good that we were around witnesses.

Now you might be thinking.... Well maybe she was tired, hungry, overstimulated, or an ssortment of other feelings or emotions that a child at that age might have.  You may be right.  That may have been the case but you just don't know the real problem when your child cannot tell you what is wrong or communicate why she is slapping you. 

Unfortunately, I'm learning that this is not a real uncommon manner in which a two year old behaves. Many of my fellow mommy friends have encountered a similar situation with their child at one time or another. On Saturday my long-time pal Jynell was sharing a story with me about her 2.5 year old son hitting her and then spitting on her. She had her own "lose-it" experience. So these incidents do happen and they must be dealt with.  Even though they're just toddlers, you can't let your kid behave like that without consequences. We dealt with the Diva in our own way after we left the restaurant.  There was a lot of stern talking on that ride home.

We arrive home and Vivian seems fine.  She acted like she had not screamed and yelled for the previous hour.  My blood continued to boil though and I had a hard time letting go of my frustration. I dwelled on it for nearly four hours, when the incident lasted for just one (or maybe even less than an hour, it just felt longer).

I'm not proud of that but it's the truth. Vivian's major meltdown began around 9 a.m. She went down for her daily nap at 1:00 p.m. and I was still thinking about it.  My heart rate and blood pressure still felt higher than normal. 

Why?  This is silly, I know.  Perhaps it had been so long since she acted that horrible in a restaurant that I felt like I had taken three steps back instead of two steps forward.  As moms, we take these incidents personally.

So after putting her to sleep, I curled up in my own bed to reflect on my feelings. Kirk joined me. I told him my dilemma.

Me: "I'm still feeling upset over the incident with Vivian this morning. Do you think I'm crazy?"
Kirk: "You're not crazy for being upset, especially since she hit you. But you probably shouldn't still be upset with her after all this time. Besides, I'm sure Viv has long forgotten what happened and doesn't realize what she truly did."
Me: "Good point. I probably shouldn't stay mad longer than the length of the cause of my anger."

I felt guilty.  I felt stupid for feeling guilty.  But then I got over my thoughts. After all, I'm not perfect. I make many mistakes and I am learning as I go.   Kirk and I then cuddled and watched a movie while Vivian slept.  All was normal again.

When Viv woke up from her nap, I gave her a huge hug. I also offered her the attention that I didn't give her from the morning after coming home from the restaurant.  She and I even went for a stroll through the neighborhood for some quality mother-daughter bonding time.  

I was determined not to let one incident and few frustated hours ruin my whole day.  After all, I still have many years of horrific moments to look forward to -- my daughter's first menstrual cycle, teenager sarcasm and much more!

Do you find it hard to forgive others and yourself sometimes?  On average, how long do you stay mad at your children, spouse, partner, relative, co-worker, or other significant person in your life?  What do you do to help yourself get over frustrations?