Tips for Weight Loss in 2010 And Happy New Year~!

Here are a few tried and tested tips for weight loss that you may want to consider in 2010.  These things have worked for me.  I even lost two pounds during the Christmas holidays.  Yes, you heard me right - LOST two pounds, not gained them. 

So, because I'm all about sharing tips and helping people, here is my list for you:

• Before you grab that bite of something high in calories or fat that you don't really need, change a baby's poopy diaper.  Better yet, if you have a dog, just pooper-scoop your backyard (especically one neglected for a week, like mine). And if you don't have a baby/toddler or a dog/cat of your own, just borrow one!  I guarantee you someone (like me) would be willing to let you pick up their child or dog/cat's poop. I seriously doubt you will be hungry after this.  Nor will you be able to eat anything brown for several days.  No need to thank me. This is free advice for you.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• This one also involves a dog.  Give your dog a bath about 30 - 45 minutes before mealtime.  Be sure you scrub him or her real good, in all areas if you catch my drift.  Again the sheer cleansing of your dog's genitals and bunghole area is enough to make you skip a meal and feel like you'll be put on an animal sex offender's list for violating your dog.  But the plus side is, you'll be less hungry for the rest of the day. 
  
  
  
  
  

You may note that numbers 1 and 2 both require a dog.  If you don't have one, get one.  What are you waiting for?  I'm serious.  They are key to this weight loss program.  Or at the very least, volunteer at an animal shelter.  You'll get to see more poop and assholes than you ever dreamed possible.

• Visit your local community fairs, state fairs and festivals as often as possible but be sure to eat a big, healthy lunch beforehand.  You're just going to people-watch, not to devour that funnel cake or giant corn dog.  Take long, slow strides around the grounds.  Look at the people around you.  Just look at them.  I guarantee you that even if you aren't encouraged to lose weight or motivated to lose a few pounds upon leaving, at least you'll exit with better self esteem.  This also works in places like K-Mart and Wal-Mart usually.  And if you see this guy walking around, tell him Mandy says hello and good look in the next Star Trek movie:

That's it, just three things so far.  Soon I'll be testing out a weight loss scare tactic.  There is a farm and set of woods near my home so I plan to pretend that I'm in The Blair Witch Project and run like my life depends on it.  I'll let you know how that one turns out.


Happy 2010 to everyone!  May the new year bring us all much laughter, peace, fun times and a little extra money would be nice too, am I right?


Cheers to all!  Be happy.  Be well.  Be safe.  See you next year!