Talk to the Hands

Since Vivian was just ten weeks old, she has watched a series of DVD's called Baby Signing Time that I had researched and found online. Doing my homework and trying to be the best new parent I could be, I remembered a story about babies and toddlers learning to do sign language before they could even talk. I thought, hmmmm, why not? And I bought the videos.

I have actually always had a special place in my heart for the deaf and blind, particularly children. Helen Keller is a hero of mine. My mom's best friend, Betty, used to teach us how to sing songs and use sign language at the same time.

Vivian seemed mesmerized by the sign language videos, even at that early age of 2 months old. As I dug deeper and learned the story behind the video she was watching - new mom Rachel and her deaf daughter Leah, I was more than happy to help out a fellow mom and promote their message.

Some children, especially a baby, might not sit and watch a 30-minute DVD. But for whatever reason, Vivian would scream with delight when we'd put on the program. Soon I knew all the songs and the signs that the children and adults in the videos were performing. Oh yes, we watched them over and over and over again until Kirk and I were sick of them and I could sing and sign them in my sleep.

We wondered if Vivian would ever sign. But we all know you can't push Viva the Diva to do anything until she is ready. She finally started signing when she turned a year old; then she hit her peak around 18 months old. (Be sure you watch the video of her - scroll down).

Now at 19 months old, I began to take notice of all the signs that she has signed, spoken or understood over the past several months. She'll sign as she watches the DVD's, reads a book or just when I happen to say the words around the house.

I made a list of all the signs that Viv recognizes, and it's quite a lengthy one. Some of these she has only signed a few times, maybe even once, but I know that she understands the word:

(1) milk
(2) juice
(3) all done/finished ~ (she signs this every time she is done with her meals now)
(4) more
(5) day
(6) night ~ (Viv signs this to Kirk and me every night when we put her to bed. It's sooo cute!)
(7) sky
(8) bird
(9) grass ~ (she'll bend over and touch the grass in our yard when I say the word)
(10) outside
(11) rain
(12) wind ~ (everytime the wind would blow, I'd sign this and one day she surprised me and did it on her own!)
(13) leaf
(14) sun
(15) moon
(16) cloud
(17) tree
(18) car ~ (this is her favorite one. She'll sign this everytime she sees a car going down our street.)
(19) dad
(20) mom
(21) cat
(22) dog ~ (it is so funny to watch her do this one with our pets)
(23) music
(24) stop ~ (we say this one together at traffic lights)
(25) go
(26) hat
(27) coat ~ (she will assume the position by putting her arms out when I say this word)
(28) thank you
(29) please
(30) sorry
(31) cheese
(32) candy
(33) ice cream
(34) sleep
(35) pajamas
(36) brush teeth ~ (she loves to brush her teeth. I can't do it for her. She wants to do it!)
(37) wash hands
(38) bath
(39) book ~ (I've never known another baby/toddler to have a love for books the way that Vivian does. She'll sit and flip through them for a long time)
(40) boat
(42) train
(43) banana
(44) cracker ~ (she picked this one up quickly since it's one of her favorite snacks)
(45) drink
(46) thirsty
(47) eat
(48) hungry
(49) frog
(50) horse
(51) fish ~ (we do this one and sing it Elmo song-style, "fishes, fishes, fishes, fishes...." ;-)
(52) baby
(53) bread
(54) doll
(55) shoes ~ (I think this was technically the first word Vivian ever said. She loves shoes and cries if she doesn't have a pair on. I think we're in trouble! Already she has a shoe fettish!)
(56) star
(57) apple
(58) pear
(59) carrot
(60) yes
(61) no
(62) cold ~ (she loves to do this one too; she exaggerates this shiver)
(63) hot
(64) grandma
(65) grandpa
(66) your turn
(67) my turn
(68) friend
(69) play
(70) girl
(71) bear
(72) potty ~ (no she isn't ready to potty train yet but she does this sign when she sees me go into the bathroom.)
(73) diaper
(74) I love you.

I hadn't numbered them on paper until just now. I thought it would be about 50 words, not over 70. Wow~! That is truly amazing. I can't wait until Vivian is doing these signs more frequently.

Not too long ago, I watched a mother communicate with her normal-hearing four-year old daughter from across the playground. She was telling her to "wait" and be a "friend" and "help" her younger sister. The mother and daughter had a whole conversation with their hands without yelling across the swingset. It was incredible to witness. I hope that Vivian and I can do that someday, talk effectively from across a crowded store, mall or field.

Sometimes when you can't find the right word to say, you can think of the motion and the emotion behind it. Even though my Vivian may be a little behind "normal" toddlers her age with her vocabulary, I am proud of what she does know and understand when it comes to sign language. The rest will catch up to her eventually.

There have been some delightful surprises along the way of talking with our hands. When I see Vivian sign "dad" to Kirk and her face lights up (so does his), my heart truly melts. Two weeks ago, when she signed "diaper" when she had a dirty one, I couldn't believe my eyes. How ironic to see her sign "baby" with her dolls since she is just our baby. We sign "bath" before her routine bath each night. As Viv signs good "night" to us before bedtime, I feel so very proud to be her mother.

Years from now, we may not do these signs anymore or they may fade into the teenage years of yelling or not talking (hopefully not too much). So for now, I'll treasure these moments of signing together.

-----------------------------------

She doesn't really sign on camera too much but here is a sample of what I was able to capture on film. Here you can see the excitement she has while watching this program:

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Vortex of Disease

I've been using that phrase for awhile now: Montgomery, Alabama is a vortex of disease. I say this because my family and I have never been as sick as we have been since we moved here one year ago, May 2008.



























I've said this before too but I want to say it again - I think Montgomery's water is infested with chemicals that are toxic, like in that Erin Brockovich movie. Is my spleen going to just fall out one day when I pee? Will my hair turn to ashes one day? Who knows!

Forgive me if I sound bitter. It rained all last weekend and for about six days in a row. I felt great last week. Now here it is a beautiful, sunshiny weekend and I feel like crap. It was a rough, drama-full kind of week at work so I wanted to just relax and have some fun.

I've been hacking up a lung for a day and a half now. My throat is throbbing. Also my head feels like it is carrying a big boulder on it too.
Like one of those old Road runner cartoons when Wiley Coyote drops the rock on himself.


I had plans. I was going to visit the farmer's market this morning. Friends invited me to dinner at Outback tonight. Our bikes are ready from the bicycle shop and we want to take a family bike ride, all three of us. The weekend was going to include lots of outdoor activities since the rain finally went away.

But... NOOOOO! Enter Montgomery's diseased vortex!



Oh well, I will try to get some rest. As much rest as I can get with a wandering 19-month old getting into everything around the house that is!

I will ask the vortex to leave me alone again as quickly as she came to surprise me. Please Ms. Vortex, leave me alone. I'm trying my best to like living here but you're not helping me. Give me some peace.

And if you need me to spell it out for you, well, here's your sign:

Autopilot On!

Do you ever catch yourself in autopilot mode? This morning I realized that my mind was not paying attention to the road and my car seemed to be driving itself to my employer. Thankfully it was driving safely and not in a scary Stephen King's Christine kind of manner.

My mind was still asleep but my body had gone through the motions to start my day. Wake up. Pee. Let the dog out. Feed the dog. Dress myself. Wake up Vivian. Dress Vivian. Feed Vivian. Brush my teeth. Brush her teeth. Lock the door and leave. Get in car. Drive car. And then well....my mind gets a little fuzzy until I arrived at work and drank my first cup of coffee.

I suppose it is a good thing that my autopilot kicked in. Yet it kind of freaks me out too. How many of us spend days going through autopilot motions? We are doing what needs to be done but we're not really conscious of what we are doing.

The first 3-6 months of my life as a new mom were spent in that manner. Feed Vivian. Change Vivian. Try to sleep. Vivian's awake. Feed Vivian, repeat all above steps. Etc. etc. It's all just a blur looking back now. So how do I prevent the days, weeks and even months from becoming one big blur? "Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?"

I don't really have an answer. I suppose the first step is realizing that I'm not paying attention then do something to shock myself back into reality.

Perhaps the daily routine and mundane are sending me into autopilot status so I should mix things up a bit. Eat some blueberries instead of a banana in my cereal. Grab a latte instead of just my usual coffee with cream.

Lately, I try to do one thing each day, even if it's just a minor thing, to break up the daily grind. Today I wanted to eat out at lunchtime. Friends suggested Mexican but I went for Chinese instead. I didn't wear any makeup to work like I usually do. Just didn't feel like it today;so what if I look like a corpse!

What else can I do? What small things would keep this autopilot from resurfacing? Let's see - instead of staring out the window from my office, I must take a step outside, even if it's just for a minute to walk around my building (since my dang window at work cannot be opened!!) One day, I should go without wearing a watch and keeping track of the time. That'll really take the edge off.

Hmmm, I'm already dancing around the house like an idiot even more. That's helping.

I just have to keep trying. Do what needs to be done with some pleasure mixed in. If Striker can jump in and save the day, I can save myself from a lifetime of boredom and the tears that could follow.



Okay, I'm turning autopilot off! Deflation sequence activated. Mandy is taking over the controls again.

(Wow! I'm turning into a major geek.)

My Favorite Things

Like Julie Andrews sings in the wonderful movie, "The Sound of Music," ~

When the dog bites, when the bee stings,
when I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
and then I don't feel so bad.

I'm with you, Mrs. Andrews. Let us remember what brings a smile to our face when we need a lift in our lives.

Actually this entire post was inspired by my very good friend Carrie. She wrote a blog entry about things that make her happy.

I hope you don't mind Carrie, but I loved your list and blog so much that I wanted to create my own. And since I had a long, holiday weekend of nothing to do, I created my favorites list. So here we go:

• Vivian’s face, her laugh and her smile

• Writing about my life and personal experiences



• Drinking coffee or tea at home or in a restaurant, when I can sip slowly (bonus if I'm with friends)

• My intimate moments with my husband Kirk

• Researching on the internet

• Glass of wine (or 2 or 3)



• Finding activities and new things to do/try

• Long, hot baths or showers

• Reading books to Vivian before bedtime

• Receiving Kirk’s random, thoughtful e-mails

• Family breakfast at Cracker Barrel

• Going for a walk with the family

• Mexican food – the chips, the dip, and definitely margaritas!

• The Office TV Show – Jim, Pam, Dwight

• Playing board games with friends and family

• Family barbecue or fish fry at my parents’ house

• Blowing bubbles and watching Vivian pop them

• The Muppets and puppets in general ~ can’t wait to put on puppet shows with Vivian someday

• View of the beach and the sound of the waves against the shore

• Sailing and boating



• Sleeping past 7 a.m. and staying in my pajamas

• Good, deep conversations that end in laughter

• Dancing around in a silly manner

• Hearing a song on the radio that I love

• Pumpkins and Autumn season



• Hot chocolate on a cold day

• A roast from a Crockpot

• Strawberry shortcake

• New Orleans Daquiris

• The movies “Sleepless in Seatle,” and “You’ve Got Mail,” among many others

• Sending (and receiving ) cards or letters in the mail

• Taking a long, scenic drive

• The view from a mountain

• Fireflies and butterflies



• A new purse and wallet (because it forces me to clean out my old ones)

• Fireworks

• Free concerts

• Greek Food Festivals

• Remembering childhood things that were dear to me

• Walking on the levee with my dad

• Shopping with my mom

• Seeing photos of my beautiful nieces and nephew






• Coming up with a special gift for a friend

• Vacation days or holidays off from work

• Feeling a sense of accomplishment

• Asking questions

• Grocery shopping with my family ~ I really don’t mind doing it as long as they are with me.

• Trying a new recipe that comes out tasty

• Mardi Gras music ~ I don’t need the parade but I sure love the music!

• Beignets from Café Dumonde



• Meeting new people and traveling to new places

• Vivian’s naptime ~ some peace and quiet to myself



• Daydreaming

• Hugs

• Realizing how lucky I am and that I took the time to make this list.

Learning to Loosen Up

No, I'm not talking about my pants or belt buckle. I'm talking about my personality and way of living.

When did I become this uptight, worry-wart? Why have I let myself become that mother who worries about what other kids my daughter's age are doing? When did I let lists and chores take up my entire day? I met up with a good friend, whom I had not seen or spoken with for ten years, back in February and she made the comment to me over dinner, "Wow, you're so different now. You're like Mandy on Prozac." I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I laughed eventually.

Seriously though, I used to be a laid-back, care-free and fun-loving kind of person. I was always the first person to act silly and do something stupid in front of the camera (just ask my parents; they have several embarassing videos to that effect). I used to relax.

But somewhere over the past few years, I've become a serious adult. Sad I know. Well growing up is important but I think that perhaps I have become too intent, too serious and less focused on just enjoying life and all the little things that are wonderful.

Good news though - I'm aware of this now and I'm trying to do something about it.

Here I am trying to loosen up right now:




For too long now, I have let insignificant things get the better of me. My daughter Vivian didn't walk until she was 15 months old. That bothered me and bothered me. I even wrote an essay about it. I somehow felt like she was a failure and I was doing something wrong. How ridiculous is that? She's walking now. In fact, she's into everything now. As I look back, she started walking when I stopped obsessing over it so much. That, plus a whole lot of praise from her daddy and me when she finally took those first steps.

Viv is very stubborn and she will do things when she is ready, not when I want her to do them. That lightbulb is finally going off in my head~ I need to just let go. After all, when I stop thinking so much about what she should be doing, she surprises me. Just this week, she started wanting to use utensils on her own while she eats. I brought the spoon up to her mouth and she said "No," very firmly and grabbed it out of my hand. She was ready to try this new skill. So what if my friends' little boys and girls started doing that six months ago. Is that on a Harvard application? When did you learn to feed yourself with a fork?

Having a child totally justifies me for being goofier than ever now. If I act like a total idiot in a grocery store line, in my car, in a coffee shop or wherever, I can just give the "crazy eye" and say, "Hey, I've got kids. This is how I stay sane!" I mean honestly, if kids don't make you feel a little crazier and wackier, then I don't know what else could!

The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that my Vivian has come along at just the right time to save me from my too-serious self. Sure it's okay to ponder life, ask questions and self-reflect. But gosh, I need to dance more too. Oh how I'd love to go on the Ellen show and just dance with Miss DeGeneres. Ellen could definitely help me loosen up!

Nothing brings a smile to my face these days more than when the music comes on the radio and Vivian starts shaking her shoulders and moving her little body. My girl can dance! She laughs at nearly anything too. It's so incredibly easy to send her into hysteric giggles. She clearly loves life. That girl is loosey goosey all the way, (when she's not being Mariah Carey the Diva that is!)

So for both you and me, Vivian, I intend to lighten up and brighten up in my life. I mean, if you can't have your mom join you in some "Reality Bites" Movie My Sharona kind of moment in a gas station someday, then what's the point?

I want Viv and me to think outside the box, act outside the box and dance outside the box. And also too Vivian, let me just say how proud I am that you are holding your own spoon now. Because I really don't like "spoonfed people" anyway.

So everyone out there, let's loosen up! I think I'll start with the Footloose; it's kind of my thing!

Doggie Days Are Here

Man's best friend (dog) is Vivian's best friend these days. In fact, I've been referring to Viv's current toddler stage as the "doggie days."



After all, she fetches. She growls. She begs. She whines. She loves to play with a ball.




She even puts herself in a cage (like our dog Bono is crated each day while we work):




I always wanted a dog growing up but my parents didn't really want animals in our house. I'm glad that we can expose Vivian to pets, even though they drive us crazy sometimes.

Our dog Bono is a constant source of entertainment for Viv. When he barks, runs around or chases the laser light toy, she squeals in delight. She finds it hysterical.

Thank goodness that Bono is so easy-going and forgiving with Vivian; after all, she pulls on his hair, steps on his tail or disregards him altogether. He reaps the benefits though from all the food she drops for him at the dinner table. So, I'm sure he's glad to have her around.

For now, I'm rather enjoying her doggie talents. When I'm trying to fold laundry or cook, I just throw the ball and she goes to "fetch" it. Or I call her name, "Come here Vivian. Give mommy a hug." And she comes running up to me with a smile and will often kneel her head in my lap. Ahh, she's a loving pet, most of the time.

Vivian with her pal the dog:

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Jimmy Buffet has the right idea!

Eat. Drink. Relax. Repeat.

That's how it went for us for a few days during our visit to Gulf Shores, Alabama.

I had to take a tour of hotels and meeting venues for my job on Thursday, May 14th. We visited sites along Gulf Shores and Orange Beach for a potential location for my employer's summer conference. My family and mother-in-law tagged along for a mini vacation. We were there from Wednesday evening to Saturday around noon.

I hadn't been to the beach in about seven years. It was long overdue. I forgot how relaxing it was just to look at out at the beach and watch the waves crash against the shore. I used to think that I was more of a mountain-cabin loving kind of girl but the beach is looking more appealing to me now. I don't even have to be on the beach. I just need a condo or room overlooking the beach. And a drink in my hand too, of course.

Jimmy Buffet has the right idea! What's wrong with just being a beach bum for your life? NOTHING! He was on my brain from the moment we arrived and I continued hearing his songs on the radio or in my head, everything from "Margaritaville" to "Boat Drinks" to "Pencil thin Mustache" to "Why don't we get drunk..." A lifetime of soaking up sun, drinking, eating, and relaxing, geez, why didn't I think of this?

Back to the trip.

Since I was there for business (yeah right, okay), our three-nights stay in the condo at the Beach Club was completely complimentary. SWEET! I hadn't stayed in a condo in years. Now I will never want to stay in a hotel room again. When you have kids, condo renting is the way to go. Having a kitchen and fridge along with a washer and dryer is so much more convenient. And it's so cozy, frankly. Our condo had two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a nice living area and dining area and best of all, a great view of the beach. It was decorated in a fun, colorful fashion too.

Our Condo in Gulf Shores:










View of the beach from our condo:






So it was Vivian's first time on the shore. We did not have high hopes for her since we all know she is such a diva. And well.... she didn't like the beach or sand. Kirk said it took 30 minutes to calm her down after a short walk in the sand. She also didn't like the pool. But she settled down and played right next to the pool with her shovel and sand castle building set that her Mimi (Kirk's mom) had given her. Vivian looks so cute in her sunhat and swimsuit. She loved looking at herself in the huge mirrors inside the condo. And she did lots of dancing and walking around.

Vivian the beach beauty:










On vacation, you cannot help but eat and drink way too much! We enjoyed some great seafood at Lulu's on the Marina (she happens to be Jimmy Buffet's sister, so we couldn't go wrong there!) Debbie and I had some grande margaritas at the El Palenque Mexican restaurant at the Wharf. Leaving Gulf Shores on Saturday, we had rolls thrown at us at Lambert's Cafe in Foley. I'm still full from all the food we ate. I let Vivian take a few drops of my fruity drinks since she enjoyed playing with the crazy straw.



Eating, Drinking and Indulging Too Much!










The best thing about the trip though was just being with my family. Even though Vivian had a few tantrums here and there (she still hates elevators!), she was really a good sport during the whole vacation. She entertained herself (and us) just by rolling around on the thick rug or watching TV at her eye level. Kirk and I slept great and even squeezed in some intimate time. Our whole family felt a bit rejuvenated just being away for a few days.

I didn't plan anything or play the role of my usual event-coordinator self. I had no concept of time or keeping a schedule. I enjoyed three days without the internet, e-mail or facebook. I just took in the quiet time and peace of the surrondings. I am digging the beach lifestyle. I would love it if we could afford to rent or better yet own a condo on the beach someday, whether it's in Gulf Shores or another, even prettier shoreline spot. Kirk dreams of owning a sailboat someday. Who knows what the future holds for us.

Some of my favorite family photos from our trip:








Vivian didn't get sick during this trip and she was really great in the car on the ride there and back. Overall, we had a wonderful time of doing mostly nothing. The only donwfall that happened is that I was bitten by some beach bug(s) and I'm still itching at home today, covered in red spots. But some benadryl is taking care of that for me, so I won't complain.

Quality time with my family, away from the daily stress of life and work--I highly recommend it. Thanks Jimmy, LuLu, and all the friendly people we met in Gulf Shores and Orange Beach! You helped make our trip a great one!

25 Random Things About Me

(My friends on facebook sent me this idea of posting random things about yourself awhile back. I thought I would post it here too. I forget all the weird things about myself so this is a way to help me remember them.)

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. Then pass it on to more people.


25. I am currently a meeting planner and marketing coordinator for my job but wish I could write a weekly column about being a mom instead. Or maybe be a movie critic. Or a food critic..... just anything else really.....

24. I never drank coffee or wine until I start dating my husband (thanks a lot babe for corrupting me!)

23. I am pretty good at impersonating people including some actors/actresses.

22. I do not really like living in Alabama even though I have met some really great and cool people here and even though it has sparked up my writing again. It just doesn't feel like "home."

21. I was on a synchronized swimming team for four years and even traveled to Washington D.C. with my team to compete in a national competition.





20. I met my husband on-line through match.com in 2001, way before it was a popular thing to do or advertised on TV.

19. My daughter is named after actress Vivien Leigh from Gone with the Wind. (but the actress' real name was spelled with an A in it. It was later misspelled by Hollywood studios)




18. I was captain of my high school dance team, the Raindancers, but I really hated being in charge of everyone and all the responsibilities that came with that.

17. I can write a poem about a person I know in usually less than ten minutes, complete with rhymes and funny sayings.

16. I passed out on Bourbon Street in New Orleans from drinking too many Hand Grenade drinks at the Tropical Oasis in 2001. (NEVER AGAIN!)

15. I have more virtual friends that I've never met than I do friends in real life - it's amazing how incredibly close I am to these wonderful women.

14. I practice sign language with my daughter almost every day. I have always had an interest in sign language and the deaf and blind. I volunteered with a blind girl my age back in 2004. And I admire Helen Keller.

13. I used to climb trees and read a book as a kid. I also used to pee in pools a lot as a kid. What? I was a kid, I didn't care. Hahahaha!

12. I lived in my husband's boss' office for four days after Hurricane Katrina. (in Slidell, Louisiana) That is where I had the one and only nervous breakdown in my life. It was stressful times....oh the stories I could share....

11. I really liked living in Ohio but had to look up where it was on a U.S. map when my husband received a call about a job there.




10. I have seen the Sistene Chapel in Italy. But I felt absolutely no religious or spiritual feelings while I was there and in Rome.

9. I take pictures of Vivian but never have any prints made of her. Hopefully our computer never crashes!

8. I envy people who have deep faith because I do not. I'm not sure I believe in God and I lie awake at night thinking about that sometimes.

7. I don't really enjoy the baby stage and can't wait for my daughter to be older so we can do fun things like make crafts, go shopping, and chalk-write on the sidewalk.

6. I chose to go to Southeastern Louisiana University in Hammond, LA because I didn't know a single person and I wanted a fresh start after high school.

5. I filled out an application to be a greeting card writer for Hallmark a few years ago. But then I found out the job was in Arkansas.....no thanks!

4. I have a terrible memory. That's why I need my friends to remind me of the funny and goofy things I have said and done over these years.

3. I have taught at least a dozen people how to do the Footloose line dance since nobody seems to remember it but me. I love Kevin Bacon!





2. I kept my 2008 Christmas stockings hanging up on our fireplace until the end of March 2009. Oops!

1. I considered being a Zumba fitness instructor at one time. And I tried out to be a Jazzercise instructor in August 2005. (I guess I will always have a love for dance).


So, did you learn something new about me? Who cares, right? You probably won't even read this far. Hahaha! Hopefully my random things didn't put you to sleep.

What Mother's Day Means To Me

Today is Mother's Day. I have been thinking all day about what "Mother's Day" means to me.

Not to sound un-romantic or un-enthusiastic, but it is just another day in the week and in the year. Nothing magical really happens.

I still woke up earlier than I wished I had. I still changed a poopy diaper. I still had to deal with my daughter's fits and sassiness. I still cooked for my family (by choice). I still washed and folded laundry. I still noticed that there is pet vomit on the carpet that hadn't been cleaned up yet. I still look the same in the mirror as I did yesterday (um, like I need to lose ten pounds and gosh, I'm not getting any younger).

My husband (and Vivian?) gave me some beautiful opal earrings this morning. They are very pretty and practical for me since I am not a "fancy schmancy" kind of gal. But it is a typical gift from Kirk. He has given me earrings for nearly every holiday or occasion for the past two years. He likes to give me earrings, saying it is the only jewelry that I almost always wear (besides my wedding band).

We did our usual Sunday breakfast at Cracker Barrel. It was delicious as always and our waitress Salina shared news of her new grandbaby. We had new tires placed on my Sante Fe, which needed it after five years. I did some light grocery shopping.

Just a typical day for any of us here in the Fernandez house.

I read stories about my friends and relatives receiving singing cards for Mother's Day or a painted picture or receiving breakfast in bed or a free-day of shopping or a love letter from their spouse and child.

For a few moments as they shared their joy, I felt some jealousy. I was elated for them of course because they certainly deserve the royal treatment. But for a few seconds, I wondered what I might be missing out on.

But then I came to my senses. For what I realized after thinking about it all day long and pondering on the moments that occurred today is that "Mother's Day" is special to me because it is like every other day in my life.

You see, I am very lucky each day. My husband says things to me daily that no Hallmark card, song or even a handwritten note could replace. Every single day, he tells me how much he loves me and what a beautiful person I am. He says it sincerely and deeply in the only way that he knows how. In addition, he tells me every day that I am a good mother and a good wife. At least one day out of every weekend he makes me breakfast. Kirk performs thoughtful gestures every day for me, so a holiday is really no different for him.

And every day my daughter Vivian shows me she loves me, (even when I fail to see it). Like how she hands me books to read to her since no one can read with the same expressions as mommy. And how she brings me toys for us to play with since I'm her favorite playmate. She'll try to amuse us both when she dances, sways or shakes her shoulders to music. She bats her long eyelashes at me when she is in a happy mood and when she wants to share something new with me. Vivian never wants anyone (including her daddy) to come near me or get in between us. Although that can be quite annoying at times, it is another sign of her love for me. She doesn't know what Mother's Day is since she is way too young. But she needs me and loves me unconditionally every day of the week; therefore, every day is Mother's Day to her.

Even the dog and cat love me, I believe. They will follow me around the house way more than they chase Kirk. Bono is always at my feet and Sam sleeps next to me all night long. The rubing against my leg when I get home from work or the licking of my hand is a daily occurance and sign of their affection. Every day is Mother's Day with them.

I am the mother of this household. I am the caretaker. My family knows it and I know it. And I love that.

If I didn't have someone's laundry to fold or meals to cook; if it were just me, then I wouldn't feel as happy and fulfilled as I do. Not that folding tiny socks gives me a sense of purpose, but it sure adds value to my life. As I fold those socks or boxers, I think about the people they belong to and how they enrich my soul.

If I didn't have those constant hugs and kisses from my husband or the rare ones I receive from Vivian, then I wouldn't feel true love with each passing day. If I didn't have a butt to wipe, a nose to wipe and a kitchen sink to wipe, well then what would I write about on here?

What I'm starting to see is that the every day stuff is what is important to me. It's the ordinary that makes my life extraordinary, so to speak.

So when I really think about it.... every day is Mother's Day for me too. Because I never stop being a mom and a wife (and they both go hand in hand). I never stop caring for my family. I never stop worrying about them and their happiness.

So that is my Mother's Day for 2009. I have no really great pictures to share. No surprises to tell. No clever images to showcase. I had no more than a half-hour of some real time to myself (to type this blog entry).

But here are a few highlights from this ordinarily wonderful day that made it just a little bit extra special for me:

--watching Vivian charm nearly everyone in Cracker Barrel - the lady sitting behind us, a child younger than her and our waitress

--Kirk helping me cook dinner and chopping up nearly a dozen onions. (that was the only tears that we both shed today, LOL)

--dancing in the living room with Vivian to a special Sesame Street DVD of Elmo and the R.E.M. tune "Shiny, Happy People"

--when Kirk and I snuggled as we watched a movie and when we had our intimate time while Vivian napped

--when Vivian voluntarily gave Kirk and me hugs several times today. She randomly hugged us both today and she is normally not that affectionate.

--when Kirk says out of the blue, "let's get a McFlurry from McDonald's" (yum!)

--when I looked over at Kirk and Vivian at different times today and almost cried because I realized at that moment how lucky I am to have them in my life, every day. (and how often do we not live in the moment or fail to miss out on the great times in our lives?)

--when I knew that I don't need any special or new gift for Mother's Day because my family is wonderful to me every day of the week and year and they are the best gifts for me, irreplaceable ones I should add.

Those are just a few things about my day that come to mind. While they may not seem that special to someone else, they are special to me. They are everything to me.

Now it's time for me to end this boring entry and spend the rest of my evening with those that I love most.

I also need to call the woman who is responsible for my being, my own mother Ginny Babin. She is the person who has taught me how to be a wonderful caretaker, wife, mother and friend. She is one of the most caring and generous people I know. I try to follow her example and I even hope that I can expand the love that she has taught me. I love you mom!

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there! I hope your day was as ordinary or as extraordinary as you wanted it to be.

A Funny Little Cockroach Story

Yesterday was a CRAZY day here in Montgomery. We had thunderstorms that flooded parts of the City and caused street closures. Photographs of damaged homes, buildings and cars were circulating across the internet. I had not witnessed anything like that since going through Hurricane Katrina in late August of 2005.

Question: But how do you know when things get really bad?

Answer: The cockroaches come in to stay dry and safe. That is when you realize there is real danger occurring. And one lonely cockroach showed itself to me and my co-workers yesterday in a rather unusual way. (Well, we only saw ONE. Who knows how many OTHERS are out there?!)



I work in an office that performs a lot of bulk mail-outs. We have this paper and envelope machine that has a large, moving belt on it. The machine can fold papers, stamp envelopes and do some other fancy stuff. My co-worker was utilizing the envelope features of the machine just before noon. I was walking down the hall headed to the restroom. Then suddenly I hear her scream loudly!

"What is it?" I run in there to ask. "A roach," she exclaims, "There's a roach in here!" and she is pointing to the right of me! "Where? I don't see it?" I say. I'm fully prepared to take my shoe off and kill the sucker. I'm looking all over the floor for it. But it wasn't on the floor.

Finally I spotted this HUGE cockroach walking along the mail machine belt, right where she was processing envelopes. Actually it was walking all over the papers she had just processed. (Glad I'm not receiving roach droppings in my mail!) Anyway, once I realized that it wasn't on the floor, I became skiddish.

The cockroach looked like it was walking/running on a treadmill because it was literally moving on this mail machine. Well, actually it looked like it was walking in the wrong direction.... (laughing). The whole experience was like watching a bug circus for a few moments. What is it going to do? Will it do a backflip? Too bad it's not wearing a costume! (Yes, these kinds of thoughts really do run through my brain because I'm strange like that).

Another of my co-workers walks into the room hearing the commotion. She was braver than us and moves in real close to the roach. She says, "It looks pregnant...if we kill it, we risk getting baby roaches all over this place!" She looks at it again. "Yes, I think I see some eggs that she is carrying!" Well, great, we all start freaking out.

(Now later on, I was reminded by my smarty pants friend Jess M that roaches lay eggs and the eggs hatch. So that whole million-baby roaches going everywhere just wouldn't happen. BUT... you could get eggs on your shoe if you killed a pregnant roach and those eggs could hatch in and around your shoe. Ewwww!)

Finally, a different co-worker hunts around like a scavenger to find a can of Raid in our office. She finds an old can of it and just sprays the poor thing to death. (Drowned in Raid spray, not an honorable way to die)

We all laughed about it later on in the workday but it was such a crazy couple of minutes! In a way, I feel kind of bad for that roach. She or he (we're still not real sure) was probably just trying to escape from the monsoon rain we were having. What's the harm in wanting to be dry? I can't blame the bug for that.

But still, it was gross to witness that whole wacky ordeal. I hate roaches. Nasty little boogers! Yet wherever I see them go in a time of crisis, I might just have to follow. Don't studies say that those bugs could survive a nuclear war? I believe it! Sometimes there is just no getting rid of them. Well, unless maybe you're Will Smith or Tommy Lee Jones from the Men in Black Team, of course. We all know how real that movie is to life. ;-)

Selfish Tendencies

I can be a selfish beast! Yes me, honestly. Ask my husband, my mom and a few other people who have known me a long time. I have these selfish tendencies that creep out of me from time to time. These bad habits can come on suddenly, much like a summer thunderstorm. Something in my brain will just trigger and I become a nightmare.

For instance, my daughter has been teething for the past five days. She's been whiney, upset and cranky. Her teeth are hurting her and she is hardly eating anything. She is in agony. And there were moments when I thought to myself... Gosh, I really don't feel like dealing with her. When is she going to get over this? Stop crying! Isn't that awful?

Seriously! I mean, here is my daughter in pain and I'm thinking about myself and my feelings instead of hers. I was thinking how she was incoveniencing me. See - beastly Mandy!

Another example, my husband Kirk wants to have friends over this weekend. One of them is supposed to be bringing two sacks of boiled crawfish for us all to enjoy. He rarely ever asks me for anything and doesn't have many friends here in Alabama. When he first mentioned it to me, I groaned.

Aha - the beast is back! Negative, selfish thoughts start kicking in... Great, now I'll have to clean and straighten the house. Now I have to play hostess when I just feel like relaxing. This is going to hinder what I want to do. I, I, I, me, me me.

Why am I like this? I really don't know. Maybe I need to visit a third-world country to get a dose of reality.

I am a lucky person. I have much to be thankful for. But every so often....I just become ugly.

Not that cute cheerleader song about being ugly either. You know the one - "U. G. L. Y. you ain't got no alibi, you ugly, yeah yeah, you ugly" all funny-like a Spartan Cheerleader. No, I mean ugly like Wicked Witch of the West hideousness.

Me and the beast within me:





How can I combat these greedy thoughts and actions?

I guess the first thing is to admit that I have them. (step 1 - my own self-intervention) This blog entry is proof of that. I can't always write about the good and happy things in my life. I can't pretend to be perfect when I'm certainly not.

Secondly, I must surround myself with people who are better than me. For if I want to be a genuine, humbler person then I must keep that same company. (step 2 - be friends with wonderful people). Whew, that's an easy one!! My friends and family members are all better people than I am. I married a guy who is pretty damn terrific and way less selfish than I am. I have a daughter who despite being a diva, loves me for who I am, even when I'm being a total witch to her. I have friends across the country who are awesome individuals. I see the gifts that these people are and I strive to be more like them. That I can do!

Finally, I have to learn from my mistakes. (step 3 - practice what I preach) Well, this is the tough one. How do I prevent this from happening again? Is there a vaccine for selfishness? Um, not to my knowledge. If there was, I'd be the first in line for it. That one and also patience and gratitude. (I need help with those bad habits as well).

For now, I will try to think more about what I say before I say it. I'll try to think about the consequences before I act out. I know that I will make more mistakes on this. However, hopefully this post will be a little reminder of my beastly attitude and how I want to move beyond it.

I know that I can work harder to be a great person. Nobody is perfect but we can always strive to be better people. That is what I want to do. If I am going to act like a monster, I need to focus on at least being a lovable one -- one that Vivian can look up to and admire.

The monster that I want to become (but less annoying):























After all, it's not just Mandy any more. I have others to care for and who need me. I need to get over myself and own up to my faults. I can do this. I can put aside my annoyances to think of others first.

I will do this and who knows, maybe it will make me happier and I will never want to be selfish again. Ohh, who am I kidding? That is a bit overkill. But... I will try. I will try.

Teething Really Sucks

Here is Vivian with a huge loogie of chin drool. That is how she looked all weekend long.




Wait, let me zoom in closer so you can see the full effect of her Turner and Hooch star moment. That is some serious doggie drool, eh?




I make fun of it now but it has been a very long and rough weekend. With each new tooth that comes in, Viv becomes crankier and crankier. She did more screaming and crying this weekend than she has done in the past several months (and that is hard to believe with my little diva).


I am soooo over this whole teething thing but the problem is that I still have a long ways to go with this. When will the tooth fairy be a part of our lives? Come'on lady -- get these little boogers in and let them fall out. I'll pay the big bucks to stop all this bickering!


Feeling guilty and sympathetic, I don't know how to comfort my child. Vivian has never taken a pacifier. She doesn't want to eat anything, not even soft foods like mashed potatoes, applesauce or bananas. We are not even at the two-year molar mark yet, so I cannot even imagine what that experience will be like! When does this end? I tried the teething tablets but she throws them on the floor. Only Motrin and Tylenol can provide some relief but even that is a battle with her. I have to pin her down WWE style to give her oral medicine.


So Mom (if you happen to read this entry), I know you hate the word "sucks" but that is what teething does to both Vivian and me. It sucks the livelihood right out of her, making her nearly impossible to be around and it sucks all the energy out of me. I try to do anything I can to keep her from crying and suffering but nothing seems to be helping.


Will putting a few drops of whiskey in the bottle (sippy cup) really work to alleviate her pain? Or will it help with my pain? Perhaps both! We have some Jack Daniel's in the house now so I'm thinking about it.

If tonight is anything like the past two nights have been (sleeplessness, crying from her, moaning and groaning, waking up every hour or so), then I'll be putting some of that whiskey in my coffee tomorrow morning. The boss will never know! I'll just say it's my special blend.


Here's hoping the nightmare will be over soon and the teething monster disappears.

Over My Dead Body (motherly instincts)

So around 11:47 p.m. last night, our house alarm goes off. Well, I thought it was the alarm.... but it turns out it was the smoke/gas detector thingy that is shit for brains that Kirk installed a few month ago. I don't blame Kirk of course. He thought it was a good buy. But the damn thing goes off when you spray Lysol within ten feet of it. So yeah, it is a bit overkill.


Anyway, back to my story -

So I thought the house alarm was going off and that maybe someone was breaking into our house. (There were some robberies in our neighborhood awhile back!) Kirk steps down from the bed and goes into his office. I thought he was going to grab his handgun for protection ready to go all Wyatt Earp-style on these madmen coming into our home. I immediately went into Viv's room and hovered over her thinking.... "Over my dead body is someone going to hurt my child."

That was the only thing that popped into my head as these loud beeps were going off in our home at nearly midnight. "Over my dead body, over my dead body will you harm a hair on my child's head. You will not take her and you will not hurt her." I chanted it over and over again as she slept peacefully through the whole ordeal.

I debated whether I should wake her up. Instead I just stood waiting and listening. Then Kirk finally comes into her room to tell me what the noise was. I am like, "Oh... I thought it was the house alarm!"

What did I know - my dreamworld had been disturbed. I literally jumped out of bed probably a few feet off the ground. When you are scared out of your sleep, you are in a bit of a daze for several minutes.

So we have NO IDEA why the damn smoke/gas detector thing went off. Maybe our dog Bono walked past it and farted.... who knows! Sigh.....

My adrenaline was going and it took me about an hour to fall asleep after that. Geez, do these things happen to other people or it is just my crazy household?

Still, I try to think positively and find some good in every situation. I guess it's good that my protective, motherly instincts kicked in, right? I was immediately concerned for Viv and could think of nothing but her while the alarm was screaming. So it's proof - I truly do love my child.



Of course later on I was thinking to myself.... if someone did try to take her, I know that he or she would be bringing her back within an hour....