Freedom!

Today is my last day of work. I'm taking the remainder of 2009 off.

So just picture me doing whatever silly dance that suits your personality at this very moment. I can be Carlton Banks from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. I can be Maria from The Sound of Music singing about how the hills are alive. I can be Austin Powers shaking my 60's-loving butt to some funky tunes.

You name it, I'll do it. Because I am happy. So utterly friggin' happy today!

I promise that I'm not trying to rub this in your face (okay, well maybe just a little bit). After all, I realize that not everyone can quit their job and move to the sunny beaches of Florida like I am doing. I understand that a large population of America is out of work right now.

Remember though, this opportunity found us. The Pensacola Navy contacted us and invited my husband to join their team. I'm just the lucky woman married to him that gets to tag along for the fun. We didn't ask for this. We simply said yes to the offer on the table.

So please, just let me have this joyful day! Let me relish in the glory of no longer being under the realm of several micromanaging, unorganized and overpaid people, stuck doing work that I'm not passionate about. Allow me to be elated over the fact that I will soon no longer have to live in a community that has barely progressed in the last thirty years. Let me jump for joy over the options and new adventures that await me. Allow me this chance to reflect on Mandy and figure out my next move, on various levels - personally, spiritually and professionally.

I've worked for the past ten years (fourteen if you count college too) without taking more than seven days off. And you can't count my eight weeks of maternity either. That was more work and less sleep than I've ever had in my life! But my chance is here. And I intend to make the most of it.

I will stop and smell the roses. Take my time chewing food and savoring bites. Spend extra minutes in the shower. Read books that I've wanted to read for years now. Write more. Write every day! Take more photographs. Go for long walks. Cook new recipes. Join new groups. Meet new people. Plan a future vacation. Visit my family more, especially those older relatives who might not be around in the coming years. Talk more. Listen more. Dance more. Laugh more. Love more.

I'm so grateful to have this chance for freedom. The opportunity to make the most of spending time with my daughter and learning our way around a new city together.

Thank you to the powers that be that have given us the opportunity to do this. Thank you to my wonderful husband Kirk who is so talented and awesome in his career field that he was sought out for this position. Thank you to all of you who have wished me well and made positive comments regarding this phase of my life.

What would you do if you had a few months off? How would you spend your free moments?

It's The Thought That Counts, Right?

Have you ever received a gift from someone then turned around and gave it to someone else? You know, the regift?



Does it really matter though as long as you put thought into it? Or if meaning was carefully put into the regift given to you?

In June I won a Starbucks gift card but decided to send it to my friend in California who loves their iced chai lattes almost as much as life itself. I told her I won it and she was honored that I gave it to her instead of keeping it for myself.

Recently my pal Jill gave me a book with the original screenplay for Gone With The Wind written in it. They don't make these anymore and you can't buy them. A family member had given it to her as a girl and she just kept it in a box in her closet. Upon hearing of what a fan I am of the film, the actors and the story (hence, my daughter's name Vivian, after the leading actress in the movie), Jill surprised me with it for my 31st birthday. And to be honest, I don't know what meant more to me - the gift itself or the fact that she regifted it for me because she thought I might cherish it more than her. And I do, I absolutely love it!

On Sunday we gave our wonderful waitress at Cracker Barrel a regift. I chose a beautiful picture frame that had been given to me after Vivian was born but I never used. I thought about how Salena spoke of her new grandbaby during all of our previous visits to the restaurant. So it just seemed like it was meant to be with her, not me. After all, it had been sitting idle on my shelf collecting dust with no photo in it.

During the holidays, I often receive so much candy and food items, too much for me to consume. Therefore, I tend to regift or share the goodies with others. I have brought them to co-workers, friends or even donated them to charities in the past. I hate for things to be wasted. They might as well be eaten or appreciated by others if I don't need them or want them, right?

But, not all regifts are thoughtful and appropriate. Giving your cousin that ugly Christmas sweater that your co-worker gave you during "Secret Santa" week is not a meaningful gesture. Although this guy seems to like his.



Giving your next-door neighbor that dry fruitcake that you took a bite out of, hated and re-wrapped is also not a very nice thing to do. Neither is giving a friend or family member a used article of clothing, musical CD or other personal belonging that you just became bored with recently.

Still we all seem to have gotten what we suspect may be a regift from someone. Or we've regifted our own items at one point, perhaps out of desparation or time restrictions.

Like me, you may have been surprised by an unexpected gift that an acquaintance gave you. Feeling bad because you have nothing for that person, you grab a clean pair of animal print socks from your drawer or those four cookies leftover from the batch you made for your family. Hey, it happens!

And since folks don't make lists of what they want, you have have no clue what to buy. When people astonish you with unanticipated presents, you panic and grab the first thing you get your hands on. Most of us just don't know how to shop or we do so in a hurry; so this sort of craziness is bound to occur over and over again.

Tell me what is the worst gift or suspected regift that you have ever received? What kinds of items (good or bad) have you regifted and given to others? Don't be shy! I know you've done it too! Plus I may need some new regift ideas for this holiday season. ;-)

Building Blocks

As I sat there playing with my daughter on the living room floor, the images of her building with blocks made me realize that many of us are in the construction phase of our lives.

Vivian sat putting piece over piece on top of each other. Some shapes were unstable and some fit perfectly.

When her shapes fell apart, she became frustrated. She cried, kicked and threw her arms up.

Just when I thought she would give up and find another toy, she'd calm down, regain composure and start to build again.

I thought about how such a simple task like building blocks can actually be a complex metaphor to what all aspiring artists, writers and creators are trying to do.

We want to build. We want to bring life to our art, whatever that may be. Even if it means having our "blocks" torn down, criticized and rejected. Even if it means that our "blocks" are loved but not fully understood or appreciated by others.

Sometimes our "pieces" fit together while other times, the foundation is shaky and could tip over at any moment.

Still we build. We tear it down. And we start again.

We create because that is what we are compelled to do.

Thanks Mom, I Still Need Your Advice!

No matter how old you become, sometimes we still need to hear what our parents have to say. I realized this again recently and I'm posting it here to remind myself.

Last weekend my mom and I were speaking on the phone. She was talking to me about family drama. Typical of my relatives, someone was complaining about how bad their life was and how things could be better. Yada yada. Etc. etc.

This particular person doesn't have a real cause to be upset. Trust me. She's lucky to still be alive and to have a family who loves her and visits her regularly despite her negative comments and often rude behaviors. Yet this person continues to gripe about everything!

You probably have a person like that in your life. A "negative nelly." A "debbie downer" character that always has it worse off than everyone else. Don't you get sick of being around someone like that?

My mom was expressing her frustration with this woman, saying "Why can't she just be grateful for what she has?" Then my mother said something to the effect of, "ya know, I try to look at the positives in my life. I look at the glass as being half-full, not half-empty. And I just try to enjoy my life while I'm here." Sure my mom used a cliche but she makes a valid point.

Ginny, my mom, has always been a positive force. She is always doing something fun and active. She really does make the most of her time here on earth. I remember when she turned 50 years old (ten years ago), she celebrated in a big way, instead of becoming depressed. If I recall correctly, she rented a limo and invited her two best friends and their husbands to join her for a night out on the town.

That's my mom. She goes to the theatre to see community plays. She and my dad see movies on a regular basis. She exercises, reads and fills her days with things that she wants to do. Why not? She's a retired teacher of 30 years. She's paid her dues.

But after this conversation between us, I reflected on my own life and my attitude. And I didn't like the results that came to mind. You see, I have spent the last year and few months being more negative than I want to be. I've been bitter over where I live, over being sick frequently, over my stressful job and over lots of other little things that don't really add up to much in life. Holy crap, I'm turning into that relative that my mom was speaking about! Yikes!

Okay, the first step is admitting you have a problem, right?! I'm only 31 (see "only" - that's positive instead of saying; I'm an old fart!) so I can fix this concern before it's too late for me. I can change my outlook on life. I can be positive, have more fun and make the most of my days. There is still plenty of time! I can stop stressing over trivial issues and do more things that bring joy to my soul.

Yes I can do this. I will do this! I can learn from my mom who keeps a gratitude journal. Every day she writes things she feels thankful for having. I can finish that book that my wonderful friend Carrie sent me a few months ago about simplifying my life and seeing the joy in various moments.

I don't want to be jaded and cynical all the time. Every now and then, sure, it's kind of funny. But not when it consumes me, as I've let it take over me for a year now.

Granted, we all need to vent from time to time. We all have our bad days. But when you really stop and look at your life, can't you find something good in it?

I know I can. And today I choose to be grateful. I choose to be happy and make the most of my time here, just like my mom. Thanks for the reminder and word of advice. I love you. Cheers to you!

Afternoon Delight

Here are some adorable photos that I just felt like sharing of my daughter Vivian enjoying an afternoon snack. She is feeding herself yogurt.

WAIT, what did YOU think I was talking about when I called this "afternoon delight?" Oh THAT! You dirty minded reader, you! :-)

Putting On My Birthday Suit

September 24th is my husband Kirk's birthday. Also, it is his sister Karen's birthday too.

Have I ever mentioned that he is a twin? Kirk would say that he is the older and wiser one (very true). Karen would say that she is the funnier, better-looking one (also true). Here is a photo I took of Kirk and Karen a few years ago.



I often don't think of Kirk as being a twin because he is so different from his sister. We don't have the privilege of living near family so I don't see he and Karen interact very often. But when they do, it's very entertaining. I love to hear their childhood stories and I love to watch them feed off each other in a comical nature. Karen, I adore you but this isn't about you. So back to him -

Kirk has said that the only thing he wants for his 32nd birthday is for me to put on (or rather strip down to) my birthday suit. But I thought I would at least honor him with a well-written, sentimental post. That way, everyone who happens to read this would know what an awesome person, husband and father he is. Because he really is wonderful and I'm one lucky lady.

He's so great in fact that when I told him on Monday how I felt horrible for not planning something special or fabulous for his birthday, (nothing like what he did for my 31st birthday last month), he quickly pointed out that I have done a lot for him in previous years. Like the time I baked this cake (pictured below) for his birthday, just a few weeks after Hurricane Katrina hit our home. We weren't even living in our own house. We didn't have family or friends around to help us celebrate but I made sure he knew I remembered his day.



Then there was the time I surprised him with a few friends and family for an impromtu birthday party a year into our marriage. Also two years ago, while I was eight months pregnant, I waddled along with him to Dave & Buster's in Cincinnati (a giant arcade and restaurant combined) and watched him turn 30 years old by playing ski-ball, air hockey, and various other games you enjoy when you're around ten or twelve.

So even though I was brainless and uncreative this year, at least I have made some of his former birthdays meaningful and memorable. And I'll grant him his birthday wish too. ;-)

Actually, now that I think about it, Kirk and I aren't much into celebrations and holidays anyway. Normally, we just try to be good people, good partners to each other and good parents every day. That is not always easy to do when we both work full-time with stressful jobs, have a diva for a daughter and have no break or babysitter closeby. But we try. We try hard every day to talk, listen and show admiration.

The secret to our success and to Kirk's awesomeness is continual affection, laughter and praise. Every day, we tell each other how we are feeling. We express our love for one another. And we laugh. We laugh a lot at the silliest, goofiest things (which is what I always wanted in a life partner).

Kirk is such an affectionate partner. He hugs and kisses (and gropes) me daily. He loves being close to me and lounging around together. Repeatedly he tells me that there is no place he'd rather be than right next to me.

From the beginning of our courtship, we laughed and carried on like there was no tomorrow. Kirk understood me and I got him in a way no other woman had before. I think my mouth even hurt from laughing and smiling so much the first year we dated.



Thankfully, after seven years of marriage, we still laugh every day. Kirk and I will just hear a song or line from a movie and relate it back to a memory or comical experience. I love how we can be so intimate and serious one minute, then burst into laughter that almost puts us in tears the next moment.

Plus, I am a bit spoiled. Kirk praises me in some way nearly every day. I'm not a wife or mother ever fishing for compliments. Kirk will tell me I am a wonderful mom and wife constantly. Even when I'm having an off-day or feel bloated, fat and ugly (or seven months pregnant as I'm pictured below), he says I am beautiful and that I will always have my pretty face, no matter what. And while I do not agree with him, I believe that he means what he says. He is, after all, a man of his word and also a charmer!



The best joy about Kirk recently has been to watch him be a father to Vivian. He has taken his usual wacky antics to a whole new level with her. He is so great with our daughter - making her laugh, playing with her and captivating her attention. They get a kick out of each other. He is so loving and protective of her. When Viv sits on his lap and they watch videos on the computer, my heart melts. I love watching the two of them together.

Plus, Vivian looks like him, more than she does me, so it's not hard to see much of Kirk in her. I can tell that she will be a Daddy's girl already.



Kirk knows me better than I know myself. He puts up with my shenanigans and still loves me despite them. He asks me often if he makes me happy and I do the same. Because somewhere along the way of our marriage, we realized that making each other happy is just as important as making ourselves happy.

He is my best friend. He is my soul mate. As goofy as it sounds, he completes me in every way. And even though Kirk farts more in one day than any person should in a year, there is no one else I'd rather be next to for the rest of my life either.

I love you babe. Happy Birthday! Are you ready for your present, a little early, right now?

What's Your Status?

I'm talking about your Facebook status for those of you who are on it. What is the funniest thing you've read or the most clever thing you've said on your page?

I often use my Facebook statuses as "mini-blogs," if you will. On certain days, I view it as my chance to be as goofy as possible within the restricted word limits. Now sometimes I will give an update on Vivian or give a shout-out to a friend.

But usually I will sit and write whatever silly thing pops into my head or recap something interesting about my day. I'm not one of those folks who updates their status ten times a day. You won't find me saying things like, "I just returned from the grocery store." Or, "I have laundry to do."

Anyway, a few friends of mine (L, J and S) have told me recently that they look forward to reading my status updates. They even find me funny and suggested I share my old posts here for your reading pleasure.

So I give in. And who knows, maybe I could develop these wacky thoughts further in the future. Anyway, here goes: (a few of my favorite posts that I've written within the past several weeks):

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"Who needs Yoga class when you have a child riding in your car? For the past week, I have stretched my body into tight spots and crevices that I didn't know I could do. I think I even invented a few new moves, like for instance: "Mom with big butt in air," "Car is driving itself," "If I don't find the Elmo doll, I'll knock myself unconscious" and my personal fave - "No upward facing dog would do this!" (September 18)


Let's see, what do I want today? How about an order of RAIN, with a side of WIND? Also, throw in some golf-size HAIL to accompany those TREES that look as if they are about to fall down. And then just for fun, please add a TORNADO warning into the mix too. Can you do that for me? Great! I see it's working now. Thanks. Happy Wednesday! (September 16)


Dear Florida, Thank you for inviting us to live with you. We didn't even know you were stalking us until you sent your offer letter. We appreciate you recognizing Kirk's talents and my need for some fun in the sun. I will happily accept all the fruity cocktail drinks, seafood and Jimmy Buffet songs that you want to throw my way. Cheers to you and here's to the start of a long-lasting, beautiful friendship! (September 10)


What is it about dog poo that just lingers around? Your kid steps in it. You clean it up. You see no more physical signs of it anywhere but it might as well be inside your nostril the way the smell stays with you. Ugggh! Baby Ruth anyone? (September 8)


I am in an old school rap kind of mood today. "Hip Hop Hooray" - It's Thursday. "It's Tricky" though b/c I'm supposed to be working and meeting deadlines. When I just want to do the "Brass Monkey." Would you join me? Come'on, "Bust a Move" with me because "It Takes Two (to make a thing go right)." "No Diggity. No Doubt (we out). (August 27)


We can't really use the expression "When Pigs Fly" anymore since it is coming true (swine flu). Therefore, I wonder what other sayings will come to life. Perhaps the one about "Raining Cats and Dogs." Get your umbrellas and pet traps out folks -- Collies and Calicos are dropping from the sky! (August 26)


On my way home from work, I saw a beautiful rainbow. I didn't see a crazy leprechaun or a pot of gold at the end of it. But at home, a happy little midget was waiting for me along with a letter saying I am now a "silver elite" member of Marriott Hotels. Sometimes dreams do come true. (August 11)


Today I'm attending a seminar on digital communications and social networking groups. So what that really means is that I'll soon learn how to waste more time at work and at home being online and "networking" with various groups.... Hooray! I love a good time-waster! Plus, I hear there is free food at this thing. Woot-woot! (August 11)


My Dearest Sleep, why have you abandoned me this week? Have I not bowed my head before you, night after night, eager to let you have your way with me? Your dreams become my dreams. I need you. I'm having a hard time without you. And it's not just vanity (although I love that you have not given me any crow's feet yet). You are basic to my survival. Please help me find you again. Even Mr. Sandman too. (August 7)


Maybe I'll just start throwing my entire body on the floor when things don't go my way too. I'll start kicking and screaming until all my wishes are granted. After all, who says the terrible twos shouldn't resurface again when you're in your 30's? (August 2)

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Months ago I also wrote one about cars cutting in front of me on my morning commute. Noting that each rude driver happened to be male (sad but true), I then proceeded to express my sympathy for the drivers since they were obviously late for their erectile dysfunction doctor's appointments. That one received a lot of laughs and comments but I can't find it anymore.



Anyway, now you have gained an even greater glimpse into my brain, as scary as that may be. This just proves that I really am a crazy fool all the time, not just here on my blog. :-) Of course, since I just posted these here, I'll probably never be able to come up with something clever on Facebook again.... Oh well!

So, now you see why I don't Twitter? Just another challenge to come up with outrageous thoughts within an even greater character restriction. I don't know if I could stand it!

Just Some T.L.C.

T.L.C. - that is what I did all weekend. Before you become jealous, let me be clear. It was not Tender Loving Care. Nor was it a marathon of interesting shows on The Learning Channel either.

No, my T.L.C. stands for talking, looking and cleaning. So it's part-fun and part-major-pain-in-the-ass.

T is for talking through the internet waves. I jibber-jabbered nearly all day on Saturday. I located an online mom's group in Pensacola and began making a few connections. I just jumped right in on the conversations that several mothers were having about swine flu, local activities, etc. Of course I had two reasons for diving into the discussion. (1) I am looking for referrals and resources about the area I am moving to and (2) I'm exploring my options for friends, both for Vivian and me.

Some people prefer to just read, sit quietly, take in the surroundings, then slowly introduce themselves. I used to be that way. Every now and then, I sit and enjoy the peace. But I don't have that kind of time (or patience) at the moment. Now I just walk right up to folks, either online or in person. Just like I talk to my waitress in the restaurant, speak to the checkout girl at the grocery store and compliment the lady standing in line behind me.

The online world has been very good to me. That is, after all, how Kirk and I met. Many of my friends here in Alabama came from a local mom's group internet site. It is the new way to stalk, (er I mean), to meet people.



Through this new mom's group, I have already received an invitation from a fellow mom who's offered to be my tour guide upon arrival, suggestions on a blog to visit for kids' activities, found a potential realtor, received feedback on local area schools, received a list of things to do downtown and discovered that most people residing there love, love, love their hometown and seem friendly. So life there seems promising!

L is for looking at houses, my favorite part of the weekend! Kirk and I went through a long list of potential homes that may be ours in Pensacola or the surrounding areas. I feel so friggin' happy that, this time, I'm on the buyer's end of the market. Just a few months ago, I was a seller and it took ELEVEN MONTHS to sell our home in Ohio. So you see, I've paid my dues. In fact, I've helped pay toward two house notes (and the equivalent to four-year's college tuition) for almost a year. We lost money when we sold our home in April. But none of that matters now.



Because now I'm a buyer, not a seller. And the chips are stacked in my pile. I sifted through a lengthy listing of beautiful, affordable homes that are ripe for the pickin'. In fact, I think I may even become the Jerry Seinfeld of homebuyers, meaning I will be extremely picky about where I will dwell next. Here is my chance, right? Why settle for less than perfection for my family? No fenced in back yard? Next! No large, spactious kitchen? Next! Is that a chipped tile in the foyer? Next! (okay, well maybe that's taking it too far.... but you see what I mean).

Also, L is for longing to use the hotel amenities where we will be living for a month or longer. We were able to book our temporary residence this weekend as well. Let's just say I can't wait to rack up those Marriott Reward points on my silver elite membership card! A month's stay at over $100 per night. Woo-hoo, Mama Mandy wants a free vacation next spring or summer!

Our hotel is downtown so I look forward to exploring the corridors, restaurants and charming shops that exist within walking distance of our suite. Our "home" has a complimentary breakfast each morning and social cocktail hour every weekday evening. Sweet! I'll be eating, drinking and living it up (as best as I can with a two-year old, that is). Thankfully, a fitness center is open early and late in our hotel so I can burn off those waffles, hashbrowns and drinks that I fully intend to have. The pets may go a little crazy in small quarters but I intend to take long walks nearly every day to properly introduce myself to our new city.

C is for cleaning and straightening our current rent house before we leave it, in less than two weeks! This would be the annoying aspect of our weekend. Kirk and I spent a huge amount of time cleaning, even worse - we did "deep cleaning". He did more than me though, I must admit. (You see the trick is this: act like you can't do something very well - like mopping the kitchen floor; then your man will take over and do it for you. Works like a charm! ;-)



Seriously though, I went through closets, clothes, toy chests and more. I scrubbed scum out of the kitchen sink, scoured the counter tops and much more. I even dusted. I NEVER dust! Even though the Navy has scheduled people to do most of the packing for us on October 7 & 8 (and we move on Oct. 9), our family must get this home in tip-top shape now. After all, we're renting and since we've broken our lease agreement, potential renters could arrive on our doorstep at any moment to claim this home as their own soon.

C is also for creative cooking! I've been throwing together new dishes to use up the food in our well-stocked deep freezer. I have tried a few new cassroles and dishes that we would not normally eat. Out of mayonaise? No problem. Slap some three-cheese ranch salad dressing on that chicken sandwich instead. Out of taco seasoning? No worries, I have all the ingredients to make it from scratch. Oh and don't forget to consume all the wine, beer and mixers (like mudslide and margaritas) that you can stand between now and moving day. Hey, you do what you must to avoid being wasteful of your current supplies, am I right? ;-)

So that was my weekend. Just some T.L.C.

For the next several weeks, I will be posting less and visiting your blogs less. The T.L.C. must continue for awhile and sadly, it will consume my days and nights. I hope you understand.

Next time I speak about T.L.C., hopefully I will be referring to my new place in Florida. More specifically, I hope to be referring to my:

Two o'clock nap,
Lounge chair in my backyard swimming pool and
Cocktail in hand.

Dang, I Can't Use That Expression Anymore!

People talk about their lives and how others just don't know what it's like to be "in their shoes" or "walk in (their) shoes." My plan was to utter that over-used expression to Vivian someday. But.....

Now I can't! See for yourself.



Here is Vivian walking in my shoes before bathtime. So twelve years from now when she is a smart-elecky teenager complaining about me not understanding what it's like to be in her situation, I won't be able to honestly use the phrase, "Well try walking in my shoes!" Because, well, clearly she already has. And she seems to be walking just fine in them too. (sigh.... groan!)



Sadly, yes, those really are my shoes. A hideous pair of Crocs. I specifically chose the ugliest pair I could find so I'd be embarassed to wear them beyond the confines of my backyard. So far, it has worked. I only put them on inside the house and while walking around our lawn.

Vivian is really drawn to this pair though. I'm guessing it's the Jerry Garcia, acid-trippin' design on them that speaks to her.

As I thought of that "walking in my shoes" cliche, I began to remember all those other phrases that my parents, grandparents, teachers and other influences have said to me over the years. Words that I said I would never repeat but here I am uttering those very same syllables.

Words like,

I brought you into this world and I can take you out - sadly, I used this one just last week out of sheer frustration over my daughter.

It's not rocket science - oh then what is it? Chemistry? Physics? How did rockets get to be the chosen one?

Take the bull by the horns - Oh really, I don't see Lane Frost around, do you?

There's other fish in the sea -- my mom used this expression when I told her my boyfriend broke up with me in high school. Amazingly, it did not comfort me at the time. (imagine that?)

Pushing the envelope – Where are you pushing it to? the mailbox? the post office?

Bite the bullet - I'd rather bite into a big slice of cheesecake, thank you.

Beat a dead horse - Why? What did that poor horse ever do to you?

Better late than never - an excuse that tardy folks came up with?

Beyond the shadow of a doubt – Huh? Like the fictional character named The Shadow?

Easier said than done - it's easy to get confused over this one.

Hit the nail on the head - I want to shove a nail in my eye when I hear this one!

Insult to injury - Yeah, that's right. After you punch someone, call them ugly!

Lying through his teeth – ventriloquists do this during every act they perform.

Make a killing - Originated from mafia men, ya think?

The nick of time - Like when Nick Nolte was acting?

Straw that broke the camel’s back - Seriously? How could straw do anything?

Tip of the iceberg - "No Jack, wait!" "Rose!" (plus that annoying Celine Dion song is the the last tip I need...)

Tongue in cheek - started by prostitutes, perhaps?


But hey, let's not stop at just general advice-generated cliches, there are also way overused expressions in the workplace. Like for instance:

Thinking outside the box - makes you want to stuff someone inside the box and ship them to a foreign country

Synergy - be sure you say this one while prancing around in a tutu and heels

Take it offline - to be used in place of take it outside?? I'm about to kick your ass if you don't get off the internet?

On the runway - are you an airplane or are you auditioning for that show on Bravo?

Win-win - must say it twice so any moron can understand?

Get on the same page - what about just in the same book? Or forget that, let's just be in the same coffee shop.

Generation X - followed by Generation why?

Alignment - what are we aligning, our tires, axles?


What wellknown expressions do you use?

What commonly used phrases do you hate and hope to never hear again?

(Note: Sources used in this post were this and that.)

My Daughter Joined A Cult

My daughter has joined a cult. She is becoming totally brainwashed. I'm not sure what to do.

Her cult leader is charming, charismatic and unique in his appearance. He sings songs, uses rhymes and has lots of friends in his presence at all times. He is short, hairy and has an enchanting laugh that draws you in.

Since being a part of this cult, my Vivian has starting calling nearly every inanimate object by the first name of the leader. She is drawn to any color and skin type that closely resembles this dictator.

With a straight face, she will move around in circles and sway from side to side at the sheer mention of his name. She will freeze in her steps upon hearing his theme song.

Often she will sit down as close to the cult leader and his followers as she can. This means becoming cross-eyed by being in a proximity not recommended by any optometrist.

She talks to me about this figure all the time. If I try to change the subject (or channel), she screams, cries and throws her body on the floor uncontrollably.

How do I show her how to break free from this monster? How can I separate my kid from this thing that has taken over our television, our playtime and our lives?

If you see this person, please notify your local authorities. He is armed and dangerous!



And please, whatever you do, run away if you hear him say, "Hi, welcome to _____'s world!" Because it's all downhill after that and I don't want my readers joining his cult too.

Please Let My Next Script Be My Own

As I spent most of yesterday drafting meeting scripts for my employer, I remind myself - two more weeks, just two more weeks!

Exactly ten more days of writing commentary for an organization and mission that I don't really give a flip about. Ten more days of composing commentary for some arbitrary event for a person who can't think for himself or herself.

Breathe Mandy, breathe. You're in the home stretch. The last inning is near. The fat lady is about to sing and that song will be so friggin' sweet.

My fingers will no longer type words like this:

"Hi, I'm (Your Name), your Director. (Introduce self)

I would like to welcome all of you to today’s meeting. Thank you for being here.

Please silence all cell phones and digital devices at this time.

Would ______________ please come up to deliver a few inspirational words before our program?

Blah, blah blah. Yada yada yada.

A bunch of other crap.

Thank you for taking the extra time to attend our meeting to learn how you can ____________ (insert inspirational message here)!

Please drive home safely."


Yes, I have written things like this, over and over again, for the past year. I've also created more than a dozen PowerPoints that illustrate these lines, inserting little photos of the cell phones with the big red bar going through them, to indicate that they are not allowed. Because saying it just isn't enough, right? Folks need a visual too. (insert sarcastic tone here).

I know, you don't have to say it. You want my job, don't you? Well, it's available. I could put in a good word for you. Just let me know.

No honestly, my job isn't too bad. My employer has been flexible and understanding when it comes to my family and certain circumstances. The pay is decent and the work is steady. But I am just so tired of writing for someone else.

I'm so worn out from writing business letters and proposals. I'm sick of creating budgets, devising a plan for an event and coordinating every single detail of a program that has nothing to do with me and my interests.

Please, oh please let my next script be one that I want to write. Let it begin and end with a laugh. Let it mean something to me and enrich the lives of others in some way, or at the very least entertain them from their own work stresses.

Let me write for a purpose other than for it to be dissected, mutilated and crapped on by someone who can't enunciate. Let future words be used in proper tone, setting and in their intended meaning.

For the love of gawd, let it be something fun. Something I can't wait to complete. Something I will happily tell others about.

Please let my next script be one that will make me smile. Something that might even begin like this:

(Alarm clock radio blares into the quiet room of the sleeping, married couple - Beth and David .)

Beth: "Holy crap, we've overslept!" she screams.

David: "Just fifteen minutes, it's fine." he says calmly.

(A loud noise came from David's side of the bed, took the form of a particular odor and startled the peace.)

David: "Good morning darling," he says laughing.

Beth: "You disgusting S.O.B.!"

David: "That one doesn't count. It was below the sheets."

Beth: "Oh, so if it was ABOVE the sheets, then I could complain?"

David: "Exactly."

Beth: "Well thank you for that wonderful insight into this day. My Wednesday morning is now complete."

David: "Happy to oblige you my dear. Now go brush your teeth. Your breath stinks."

(A loud smack across the head can be heard into the audience)

Fade to next scene....

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Oh well, you get the idea. Please let my next script be my own. My style. My wit. Just mine. Period.

Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

Patrick Swayze, a legend in his own right has passed away. A great actor, dancer, husband and human being has left his fans wanting more of him.

I cannot write about his life or his specific accomplishments. I can only reveal the connections I have to him, his characters, his movies and why I will never forget him.

First and foremost, I actually played his character Johnny Castle at summer camp. Each year, my camp at St. Bernadette's (Houma, Louisiana) would perform a skit or dance for parents. When I was in the fifth or sixth grade, my camp group (the Sun Bears, named like a girl scout's troop) reinacted the ending scenes from Dirty Dancing. And yes, I was Patrick Swayze.

Don't laugh! This was a big role, one coveted by my fellow campers. I even had to audition for it. I remember jumping off the little stage, cocking my head back and motioning with my finger for Baby to join me. Baby was played by my school friend Angie C. I was dressed in all black and she was dressed in a pink dress. We even had to dance a little dirty. (Our parents didn't seem to mind though?!)

My cousin Rachel wanted the part and auditioned against me but I won the role. It was only fair since she had played the Kermit the Frog lead role in a previous year's skit.

Corny as it may sound, I still remember the evening we performed this for our parents and fellow campers. I will occasionally even do some of the moves, much to the amusement of my husband.

More recently, I wrote this post about my daughter Vivian and my moments of happiness with her. In it, I compared Vivian to wind and referenced Patrick's song title and name. I have always loved his song, "She's Like The Wind," and the poetic meaning behind the lyrics. I'm so glad we have this song to replay in his memory now.

Sure, Swayze has played other roles besides Dirty Dancing (Ghost, Point Break, Roadhouse, among many others) but for some reason, I always use one-liners from the Dirty Dancing movie. My husband reminded me tonight when we conversed over his death about one of my particular one-liners.

A few years ago, while Kirk's dad visited us when we lived in Dayton, Ohio, we ate bagel sandwiches in a quaint, New York style bakery. We sat near the edge of the shop and suddenly I looked at them both and with all seriousness said, "Nobody puts bagel in the corner!" And Kirk and his dad both laughed. (This is just one example of many corny things I recite). To this day, my hubby and father-in-law still remind me of that quote I used.

Another connection of mine to Patrick and Dirty Dancing is that for my ending wedding song (the "Last Dance" as Donna Summer would sing) was actually Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes's tune, "I've Had, The Time Of My Life." I specifically chose this song to end our spectactular night. I can remember it playing at our wedding, Kirk and I dancing to it and people telling us how much fun they had.

Then of course, there is this scene from Saturday Night Live that will forever etch in stone my love for Patrick Swayze. The fact that he had enough balls to do this Chippendales routine, alongside the great, late and beloved Chris Farley affirms my admiration for Swayze. Because if a grown man can poke fun at himself like this, then he will always be loved by me.

Patrick Swayze - Chippendale
Uploaded by tressage. -

You make me want to dance like you. You make me drool over you. But more importantly, Patrick, you make me grateful for such notable character roles.

Rest in peace, my dear Patrick Swayze. Thank you for the wonderful memories! As my friend Crystal just posted this lovely story of how Swayze impacted her life, I can't help but agree with her. We've lost another icon from our generation. We will forever be in his debt for rescueing young, awkward girls in the corner and offering them a sense of hope and love.

Here's Looking At You, Dad!

Thank you for my sense of humor
Thank you for my wit
Thank you for my wide, flat feet
And for jokes that never quit.

Thank you for your comments
For telling me you love my blog
For telling me at age twelve that
I ate too much pizza and was a hog. (Remember Mr. Ghatti's?)

Thank you for your honesty
For surprises you continue to send
Thanks for all the swim meets and dance recitals
That you probably didn't want to attend.

Thank you for your wisdom
For letting me try your whiskey drink
For the letters and e-mails you write me
For your life stories that make me think.

Thanks for calling me "Mandy Pandy"
For naming me your "Little Bit"
Thanks for putting up with my sarcasm
For pushing me to be more fit.

Thanks for looking at me for who I am
For loving me more as I grow
For being such a great "Buddy" to Vivian
You're the best dad and grandpa I know.



I love you! Happy Birthday!

Transition and Crossroads

My life is entering transition mode. We move to Pensacola, Florida next month. Kirk begins a new job in mid-October and our family begins a whole new life there.

Naturally, I'm beginning to freak out just a bit. Not because I don't want to go. I do. I can't wait to leave. But it's all the "stuff" that has to happen in order for us to go to Pensacola then become settled that is giving me heartburn.

Just to name a few, I have to:

- wrap things up at my current job and train a temporary person for the next 2.5 weeks

- keep the house clean and straight since potential renters will be viewing it

- begin house hunting process in Pensacola (this sounds fun, sure, but the thought of looking at houses with a two-year old who freaks out over being in any new environment is NOT fun, trust me!)

- live out of suitcases and boxes for a time period unknown

- stay in a hotel/suite for a month or longer until we find a place to live (this may sound enticing, like an episode of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, but trust me! No one will be waiting on us hand and foot. And I'll be in a room with a toddler, a dog and a cat probably going out of my friggin' mind!)

- learn my way around a new city. (While I enjoy driving around and exploring, I'm not used to doing it with a whiney toddler in the car!)

- adjust to being a stay at home mom, at least for the remainder of 2009 (this one scares me the most. I don't have an easy-going child, in case you haven't noticed or read my earliest posts. I call her Viva the Diva for a reason!)

- make all the crossover requirements: change of address, new drivers license, new vehicle tags, and all things that require waiting in line and dealing with difficult people. Hooray!

- find a dozen new service providers: pediatrician, veterinarian, hair stylist, maintenance repairman, oil change/car service, a good coffee shop, and hope that none of them royally screw us over.

- And the list goes on and on.

The most troubling item on my mind though is figuring out my next career move and my future options. Wow, that sounds kind of selfish but it's the truth. I'm thinking.... what will I do next?

I would like to break into the writing market there, do some freelance work for local magazines and other publications. But what if I can't get in? What if they don't need writers or don't think I'm good enough for their media?

I also want to return to school but what if it's too overwhelming with Kirk's job and Vivian's at home needs? Kirk needs to finish his degree before I begin work on a second one.

We've not even set foot in our new town; yet I'm having anxiety just thinking about the gaps on my resume and how I can maintain being a professional. Am I crazy for feeling this way?

I'm scared. Perhaps I am putting too much pressure on myself (like usual). But I feel this is my crossroads. I'm at a point where I can decide my next path, instead of just being the cart behind the horse, simply tagging along for the ride.

So what will I do? Where will I go? And how do I NOT go crazy while all the transitions are taking place?

How have you dealt with transitions and crossroads in your life? What was your saving grace to get you through the moments when you felt overwhelmed and afraid?

A Mel Brooks Kind of Morning

My house is in complete disarray
Toys spewed all over the floor
Laundry piles with wrinkled shirts
Garbage overflowing at the front door.

I should be packing and filling boxes
Not procrastinating this day for so long
But I sit here reciting various Mel Brooks quotes,
Singing the "Springtime for Hitler" song.

I ask Vivian if she needs Perri-Air
Since her nose seems stuffy today
As she does a silly Igor-like dance
I tell her to "walk this way."

Now if only Gene Wilder would arrive
And reinact moves from his Waco Kid role
Lord Helmet would say he is surrounded by assholes
And ludicrous speed would be our goal.

Then I could rid myself of these silly thoughts
And make Mel jump out of my mind
The History of the World would end
What else would my brain then find?

Perhaps a few 80's musical movies?
Like Footloose and Grease to emulate
Anything to avoid the house chores
And rescue me from diaper duty fate.

P.S. - May the Schwartz be with you!

Twenty+ Questions Game

Kelly from My Voice, My View tagged me in this twenty questions game not long ago. She is darn lucky that I adore her so much because I've decided to play along. (I don't always do these tag games or forwards but this one seemed fun).

So, here goes:

1) What’s your current obsession?
Writing, reading and trying to lose weight so I can have a beach body (by next summer?)

2) What’s your weirdest obsession?
I become a bit obsessive compulsive about chairs being pushed under a table. I always want the chairs at our dinner table to be in, when not in use.

3) What are you wearing today?
Pajamas

4) Why is today special?
Weekend and lazy day - time to catch up and soak in a little me time

5) What would you like to learn to do?
Surf, write better and cook a Thanksgiving turkey

6) What’s the last thing you bought?
Milk and rice at the grocery store - oh, the glamorous life I lead!

7) What are you listening to right now?
The voices in my head and my fingers typing furiously.

8) What’s your favorite weather?
Autumn days with a light jacket on my way to a pumpkin patch. I better learn to like the beach and hot, humid days though....

9) What’s your most challenging goal right now?
Trying to find out where I stand on my feelings about faith, god and religion

10) What do you think about the person who tagged you?
I wish I lived next door to her. She's so kind and inviting. She seems to have a warm soul and a big heart. Visit Kelly. You'll adore her and her blog too!

11) What's your favorite guilty pleasure?
Alcohol on the weekends - amaretto sour, margarita or just a beer. Sip slowly and enjoy.

12) Favorite vacation spot?
So far, it has been the bigger cities like San Francisco and Chicago. I like the hustle and bustle since I'm not used to it. Plus they have so much to do, offer and so many wonderful places to eat!

13) What would you like to have in your hands right now?
A $100 dollar bill?

14) What would you like to get rid of?
Roaches and most bugs in general. Where is Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones from Men in Black when I need them?

15) If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go:
To the moon? I don't know. If I only have an hour, that's not much time to enjoy anything.

16) Which language do you want to learn?
French, just so I can be rude back to French people someday but also tell them how much I love their wine.

17) What super power would you like to possess?
Mind reader.

18) What’s your favorite thing about the city you live in?
Nothing, except for the friends I have who live here in Montgomery, AL. But I'm leaving here soon so hopefully I'll love my new dwelling in Pensacola, Florida.

19) What’s your favorite piece of clothing in your own closet?
A little black dress that makes me appear little. ;-)

20) What’s your dream job?
Screenplay or sitcom writer. Also, a food critic and travel writer.

21) What is the last thing that happened that made you laugh really hard?
My daughter Vivian makes this "sad" face but really she places her hands down her face and then she gives a really mean look as she says the word "sad" and it's really hysterical. I laugh and then she laughs. Apparently, she really is a comedian because she seems to enjoy making Kirk and me laugh.

22) Do you admire anyone’s style?
I admire the style of anyone who is comfortable in their own skin and has a sense of humor.

23) Describe your personal style.
Funny, serious, goofy, deep-thinker, angel, devil, back and forth, back and forth....

24) Who’s fashion show would you want tickets to? Fashion show?
I'd rather sit in the audience of a live show like Regis and Kelly, David Letterman or The Office TV series.

25) What talent would you like to have?
I would like to be craftier and learn how to make things in the home. I also wish I could sew.

26) What are you most proud of?
That I continue to look at myself, analyze my being and strive to improve who I am.

27) If you could choose one person to have lunch with who would it be and why?
My mom, so she could pay the bill. :-) Gwen Stefani or Bono from U2 would be my second choice.

Now the rules of this tag:

Respond and rework: answer the questions on your blog, replace one question you dislike with a question of your own invention. Then tag a few people to answer the questions.

I tag the following people below. Go visit their blogs (just because I say so).

-Giggly Monkey

-Antsy Pants

-Speaking from the Crib

-Yankee Girl

-Gumbo Writer

Lovely ladies who I have asked to do this homework assignment - Feel free to play along or ignore me. It's totally up to you. I promise not to get my feelings hurt.

I chose to do this because (a) I really like Kelly who tagged me and (b) I thought it was a fun way to share more about myself with my few readers. But like I said, play along or don't. You'll still be a rock star in my book. And if anyone else who reads this post wants to play along too, please do so.

If you decide to leave a comment on this post, please answer one of the questions above so that I can learn more about you. Thanks!