Three Down, Three To Go~

The half-way mark has arrived.

The good news: Our family (Kirk, Vivian, me, Sammy cat and Bono the dog) has somehow made it through three weeks of living in a hotel.

The bad news: We still have three more weeks to go before we close on our new home here in Pensacola, Florida.

Can we do it without going insane? Time will tell, I suppose.

What can I tell you about hotel living? If I didn't have a child and pets, it would probably be quite fun, perhaps even romantic. Reality is not romance though. Our hotel life is not glamourous, not one single bit.

Do you need proof? Okay, let's examine the evidence:

Exhibit A - Two nights ago, around 2 a.m., our cat somehow rubbed against one of Vivian's noisy toys. Suddenly this Poltergeist object begins singing ABC's and other tunes in an eerie manner. This was just before Sammy Cat did his after-poop party dance in the litter box. Seriously, WHY do cats have to smack the sides of their toilet area like they are some kind of wrestler giving the smackdown?!


Exhibit B - Just when the cat settles down from his poop party, our dog Bono (better known as dumb as dirt Bono) begins wheezing and sneezing like he just inhaled several teaspoons of pepper. Really? Would anyone else like to join in on this pet insanity parade?

Exhibit C - When I breathe a sigh of relief that Vivian has slept soundly through our pets' shenanigans, she then begins stirring around and making her own moans and groans. Then she sits up, babbles and begins "rocking" herself back to sleep. And by rocking, I mean that she throws back her head and body against the playpen bed in a repeated, furious manner.  It's as if she is dancing at a heavy metal concert with Beavis and Butthead.  All she needs is a lighter to raise.

Exhibit D - Kirk and I begin complaining and conversing over our idiotic pets, our lack of privacy in our tiny living quarters and how tired we feel.  Soon Kirk falls asleep and I'm up for at least another two, (usually three), hours before I drift off, only to be awakened by a 5:50 a.m. alarm time.


Exhibit E - Repeat scenarios from exhibits A, B, C and the part of D where I'm up alone, unable to sleep.

Exhibit F - I wake up and don't know what day it is or where I am.  

Despite the insanity and my insomnia, I try to remain upbeat. Fresh air does wonders for the soul. I take walks each day, either along the beautiful bay or a stroll through the memorial park just next to our hotel.   I take a drive or run errands for at least an hour every day to keep me from going bezerk within these four walls.

I think of how heavenly it will be to sleep in my own bed again after six weeks. I dream of how wonderful it will be to cook a great meal for my family again in my beautiful kitchen-to-be. I drool over images of drinking hot coffee (or several cold cocktails) while sitting on my covered patio, in the privacy of my future backyard. These reminders help me get through the above list of annoyances of my current dwelling.

To make our living arrangement more pleasurable, I talk to the hotel staff and visitors frequently. I make small talk or crack jokes with the housekeeper, the front desk clerk, people on elevators and other guests who are passing through.  I invent silly things to do.  Such as, every day I make a little game out of which parking spot I will obtain when I come back from my latest errand or outing with Vivian.   I play "guess where the dog will go #2 today" when I take him for his "business" walks. I am working on a t-shirt design that says, "I Survived Six Weeks In A Hotel (With A Toddler, Dog and Cat)."

So far, I haven't gone crazy.  Well, not unless you count the incident where I thought I was trapped in the bathroom.

I haven't yet had the urge to grab an axe, go on a rampage and shout, "Here's Johnny!" like Jack Torrence (played by Jack Nicholson) in The Shining.  But I still have three more weeks to go so you never know....

What A Difference A Year Makes: A Tribute to Vivian (and Me)

Today my Vivian Rose is two years old. 

I thought about all the photos I could share.  I pondered over some of the stories I could post about her over the past several months. 

In the end though, my mind kept reflecting back to one year ago and how she's changed in such a short amount of time.  Also, I think about how much I've changed over the past year - in becoming a better mom.

Below is a tribute to Vivian for being my daughter over the past year (and for me being her mother).  I don't feel the need to go earlier than one year.  Because, let's be honest - the first year is really a blur.  (The 0 - 12 months is just crying, lack of sleep, burping, feeding and thinking you birthed an alien baby).  I didn't really like her much for the first year anyway.  For me, all the fun stuff happened after she became one. 

Vivian, this is for you ~

What A Difference A Year Makes


One year ago
You couldn't walk
You were completely bald
And you couldn't talk.

At two years old
You're finally getting some hair
Now you are walking,
Running and climbing stairs.

One year ago
You didn't like sweets or cake
You didn't want to be touched
Or like it when I put things in your face.

At two years old
You leaped into your birthday treat
Now you touch sand and dirt
And walk around in your bare feet!

When she was one
Tubes were placed in her ears
Then the doctor visits ceased
So did a few of my fears.

Now at age two
Viv is a healthy, smart girl
She makes us laugh each day
The Diva can rock our world!


At one year ago
I was an uptight, unsure mother
I didn't take my role seriously
I certainly didn't want another!

As I enter my second year
I am more confident. I even grin.
I can hardly believe I'm saying this...
But I may consider doing this again.

When Viv was only one
I focused on what she couldn't do
Instead of finding the daily joy
Or seeing each precious moment through.

As we celebrate Vivian's second birthday
She has learned so much, Holy Cow!
I have a bright, funny, beautiful daughter
I enjoy her so much more today and now.

I am learning to be a more patient parent
And to cut myself some slack,
To admit that I'm doing a decent job
And even give myself a pat on the back.

Even though some doubts still arise
My love for her is real - a forever bind
In simplest terms, Vivian is my destiny
I was meant to be her mom and she is mine. 

I know it when I look in her eyes
When I gaze into that adorable face
My feelings reach new depths, thanks to her
My heart has no boundaries, no empty space.

And when she awakens from her current nap
I will hug and kiss her so tenderly
I'll wipe away these sudden tears falling down my cheeks
And say "Vivian, I love you.  Thank you for choosing me."

 
Happy Birthday Baby Girl.  I love you so very much!

P.s. - I promise the words above were written with love from your crazy mama -

The Scariest Place I Know~

True Story:  Last night, like usual, I awoke in the wee hours.  This time it was due to the sensation that I needed to pee.  So I stumbled through the dark to find our tiny hotel bathroom.  I shut the door, not quite all the way, and relieved myself of the urges. 

When I arose from the toilet and put my underwear back in place, I somehow strangely became disoriented.  I reached for the door to push it open but I couldn't find it.  It was pitch black.  Panic quickly set in.  I began reaching around on the walls for a sign of where I was positioned in the bathroom.  (Again this room is incredibly small but I still freaked a bit).

My arms and hands are rubbing against the bare, cold walls. Why can't I find the door or the latch to free me from this place and save me from my racing heart and thoughts?

Images of the character Elle Driver (played by Darryl Hannah) from the film Kill Bill Vol. 2 enter my mind.  Is this what she felt like after Uma Thurman's lead role poked out her last remaining good eye?  Is this what happens to people who suddenly become blind and frightened?

This is crazy!  I'm in a bathroom and my husband is sleeping seven feet away from me.  Calm down, I tell myself.  Kirk, I cry out softly, trying not to disturb my sleeping toddler in the room next door.  Nothing.  No stir.  No grumpy man walking up to say, What the hell are you doing Mandy?

I begin reaching along the walls more furiously.  Seriously, WHY can't I get myself out of this bathroom?  Why is my blood rushing through my body and my heart pounding against my chest?  Why am I such a big chicken?

Visuals of being buried alive come to my brain.  (Again, I really should not have watched Kill Bill, Vol. 2 the night before).  Movie horror scenes and fictional killers start to lurk around my mind.  Fear is really kicking in.

Finally, after a minute or two (that feels like about twenty to me), I force myself to calm down.  And I force myself to sit down on the toilet again.  By sitting on the toilet, I can visualize where I am and where the door knob sits. 

I push the door open.  Freedom!  No boogey man is waiting to pounce on me.  Only my sleeping, lightly-snoring husband who has no idea that I just had a near-death experience (in my mind).

Moral of the Story:  This entire incident is ridiculous but it really happened just as I detailed it above.  Therefore, Ladies and gentlemen - Welcome to the scariest place I know - MY MIND! 

Do things like this ever happen to you?  Does your mind play tricks on you and often become your worst nightmare? 

Or perhaps I'm just a freak.  That is what Kirk told me this morning as I recounted my horrid experience for him just before our alarm clock went off. 

My mind is the most dangerous weapon I know.  It's the scariest place on earth to me.  My own thoughts, my own fears - nothing can compare. 

There is no need for me to watch horror films or read ghost stories.  My head makes up its own terrible tales without any help from Wes Craven or M. Night Shyamalan.

The few films that I have been brave enough to view over the years are enough to haunt me to my death.  I don't even have to watch the thrilling stuff either. 

To this day, the film Jaws still makes me jump out of my seat every time.  For half the movie, you don't even see the shark.  Simply the suspenseful music, the movement of the water and the buildup of what could be is enough to make most people fearful of their lives (and to prevent me from going out too far in beach waters, even today). 

In fact, Jaws is a great comparison for my mind.  I build things up that cannot be seen.  I imagine things, images and situations that are not even possible.  I scare myself.

You may be reading this thinking, Gosh Mandy - you're such a fraidy cat.  Grow a backbone, will ya? And you're absolutely right!

Alas! ~ I believe there is no hope for my inner chicken.  I'm 31 years old and I nearly had a meltdown in my hotel bathroom this morning because I believed that I couldn't get out.  Yes, that is sad but true. There lies proof that I am a lost cause.  But hopefully it made you chuckle and feel better about your self today.

I hope you have a spook-free day!

Scary Notes and Updates:  If I seem absent from your sites or haven't visited you this week, please forgive me.  I've been trapped in a bathroom, after all.  No seriously, a scary thing is happening - my daughter Vivian becomes two years old tomorrow (Oct. 29).  So I've been spending lots of time with my little monster, preparing a tribute for the celebration.  We're also moving to a new hotel room later this week, one with a bigger bed and an oven in the kitchen.  So - another place and room to scare the bejeezus out of me!  Fun times are ahead!  Stay tuned and please be patient with me!

Toddler in a Bar - Make it a Fun, Educational Experience!

On Saturday night, Kirk and I went out to a bar and grill with Vivian in the downtown Pensacola historic district. The sports bar, New York Nicks, was recommended to Kirk by one of his new co-workers.

I was a bit apprehensive at first. After all, it looked like a college bar, especially on a Saturday evening. We walked in and were the ONLY people with a child in the room. Luckily though, half the room seemed drunk or too engaged into their sporting event on television to notice us.

Actually, my mind is starting to think that a sports bar is the perfect place to take a toddler to for a family outing. After all, there are forty large screen TV's at New York Nicks, for example. Therefore, the atmosphere is really loud and distracting so no one can hear your fussy child! :-)

In fact, there are several advantages to being at a bar with your kid(s). Whether you realize it or not, you're actually providing a public service to those around you, not to mention offering educational tips to your children. For example:

• Teach your child how foolish he or she will look when they become older and into the college scene.
• Show your child the correct amount of ketchup and mustard to absorb the greasy bar food and how to properly put away the other condiments.
• How a person might go deaf from listening to the television volume that loud consistently and excessively.
• How to properly pour a beer in a cold glass to minimize the foam.  WHAAT?  This is a key skill to being an adult and to doing this for grandpa as he ages!
• How to avoid getting hit-on by unwanted suitors -- just bring your family and child along with you to the scene.  Trust me, everyone avoids you like you have the plague. 
• Just by being there at a bar with your child(ren), you're most likely providing safe sex tips for those around you when they see your child misbehave and throw a tantrum.  Therefore, you're saving several foolish, drunken women and men from not being ready for parenthood.
• The waitress feels sorry for you and is extra attentive.  No more flagging down your attendant!
• Most bars are smoke-free now so you don't have to worry about exposing your children to a smoky environment.  In fact you can show your child how smokers now go outside and non-smokers stay inside, an educational cause and effect relationship. 
• Your children can watch some of the funniest, most creative commericals on television during a sporting event and you don't have to worry about them seeing a toy they want for Christmas during those segments.
• If enough people visit sports bars with their kids, it could just become the new Chuck E. Cheese. ;-)

Those are just a few instances and tips that come to my mind.  If you have other educational suggestions or experiences, please post them in the comments.  I'd love to hear more!

Back to the bar scene -- I looked around at the other patrons sitting at nearby tables.  Then I glaced back at my own table and I couldn't help but laugh. This is my life -- a thirty-something woman sitting at a bar table with her husband and toddler.  All these other folks (I'm assuming most of them are single) are watching the television screens, putting away a lot of beers, talking, laughing, etc.

Kirk and I put away a few beers but slowly and within reason. We shared a pitcher of Yuengling. We did lots of laughing too. But we were not watching the hi-def flat screens. Nor did we giggle hysterically to impress someone who just told a bad joke. Instead, we laughed at Viv who amused us while she played with the condiment packets. With mayonaise and mustard in hand, our daughter chatted away and pretended to comb her hair with these additives. (Isn't mayo good for hair and skin after all?)

While everyone around us was glued to the big TV screens, Kirk and I colored with Vivian in her new coloring book.   We fought over which crayons we wanted to use.  Looking at us and glancing at the other patrons, you might not be able to tell who was having a better time. 

Kirk and I enjoyed our bar food -- potato skins and shrimp quesadillas.  I politely asked the waitress to microwave our daughter's Gerber Graduate meal since she didn't want to eat our greasy items. (Why, I don't know!  She has no idea what she was missing!)  Our kind waitress obliged and I was able to feed Vivian a nutritious meal just as if we had been at home.

So one more time - just picture the surroundings. A bar and grill full of mostly single, twenty-something men and women. Then there is us: Kirk, Mandy and Vivian sitting in there eating and acting like we're at McDonald's or Apple Bee's restaurant.

At one point, I turned to Kirk and asked him, "Did you ever think you'd be coloring in the middle of a sports bar and grill?"

"Not really," he said "but I wouldn't trade my family for anything. I don't miss my old life now that I have Vivian and you."

Awww, I know exactly what he means. And I completely agree.

After all, I don't miss the old days of bar-hopping where this is the end result of the weekend's social interaction:

Now my end result is going home with my family.  I put my daughter to bed at her usual bedtime and read her several books.  Then I enjoy what is left of my evening with my husband. 

So believe it or not, you can still go out to a bar (and grill) with your children and have a good time. In fact, I highly encourage it.   I consider this modern day wholesome parenting. The Cosby show, but with a few beers. You may not look or feel cool sitting at a bar with your toddler but it can still be an enjoyable, family fun event for everyone.

A Letter From Vivian, 3rd edition: My New Life

Dear Readers of Mommy's Blog,


Hello!  It's me again - Vivian!  I know you've missed me.  It has been awhile since we last talked.  I need to make it a point to get on here more often.  After all, I know you'd rather hear me talk than my mommy. 



In case you've forgotten to read my last two letters, here they are:  my 2nd Letter and my 1st Letter!  Go ahead and read them now.  I'll wait.  But don't take too long.  Because I'm very impatient determined to make the most of my time.



Wow, my life has changed so much since we last spoke.  I moved to a new place.  My mom calls it "Flaw-wah-dah." I don't know what happened to my regular bed or my toys.  I think most of my stuff is missing but I'm not sure how to ask why or where to find my things. 


I used to hardly see my mommy.  But now I'm with her all the time!  It's great (usually).  I love getting all that attention from her all to myself.   I follow her in the bathroom while she is peeing.  I tug at her waist when she makes us lunch.  Wherever she is, that's where I want to be.  At the beginning of the day, she is smiling but by the end of the day, she seems to be rolling her eyes more.



I play outside a lot more now.  Mommy takes me for walks and stroller rides along the bay.  She says we both need some sun on our faces.  It's very windy here and now that I'm getting a little bit of hair, it actually blows in the breeze.  I like the long walks we take.


Hey, what's a comb over?  Mom says I have a comb over like Donald Trump.  I don't know who that is but I bet he's smart and very good looking.



I've been showing mommy how smart I am.  I heard her on the phone talking with her friend about how amazed she is at me, how I can count from one to ten and how I know my shapes and colors.  I even know the shapes of diamond and octagon.  Mommy should pay more attention.  I've always been this intelligent.  She was just too busy to notice it, I think.



We are living in this place that has two small rooms.  I lay on this bright red couch and stare at this orange, green and gold striped carpet.  Mommy calls it 1970's hotel carpeting.  I like it!  I hope to decorate my new place like this one. 



Our pets are always on top of us in our current living arrangement.  Mommy yells at the dog a lot.  She caught him eating cat poop.  She yells at the cat a lot too.  She catches him in the kitchen sink and our bathtub a lot.  I think it's funny.  I can slap stroke them lovingly more since they're so close by.



I love going to the statue place with mommy a few afternoons per week.  She calls it a "Mom-oreol" park.  There are lots of American flags and historic writings and these very life-like looking people that never move.  Mommy says I should be more like those statues because they don't talk back and they stay still.   Hahaha!  My mom is pretty funny if she thinks I will be that way!  What's the fun in that?



My birthday is less than a week away.  I will be two years old on October 29th.  Do you need my address on where to send gifts?  Just let me know!  Mom says we will have to spend it here in our hotel but that she will get me a cake and hopefully take me to a kid-friendly place like Chuck E. Cheese or Showbiz Pizza.  That sounds fun.  I can't wait!



Mommy has been being nicer to me.  I heard her tell daddy that she is reading this book on "speer-uh-ted" children and it's changing the way she thinks about me and my personality.  That mommy is nuts!  She's always reading about how to try to figure me out and be a better parent.  I don't know why she worries so much!  But I like how she gets on my level and hugs me more after I have a tantrum.  That is kind of sweet so I guess maybe she should continue to read that book.


Daddy seems happy with his new "jawb."  He comes home and wants to play with me and be real silly.  Sometimes I let him play with me and other times, I just pretend like I don't know who the hell he is.  Then I cry and scream for my mommy.  I think it's a fun game but it seems to hurt daddy's feelings.  Maybe he should stay home like mommy if he wants to enjoy more of my charming self.


Some of my favorite things lately, besides terrorizing those around me, include coloring, playing with building blocks and train sets, dancing to new music, showing off how smart I am and watching Elmo.  I still enjoy reading books.  But instead of mommy always reading to me, I ask myself questions about the book and then answer my own question.  For instance I will point to a dog picture and say, "was diss?"  then I'll reply to me, "dawg" and then I make barking sounds.  See how smart I am! 



Note: You can keep those things in mind when you shop for my birthday present.  I also accept checks and cash.  Please make checks payble to Vivian Rose Fernandez (the artist formerly known as The Diva). 


Oh well, I better go.  Mommy just called my name.  She said she has some raisins and marshmallows for me to eat as a snack.  Yummy!  Raisins always make me poop.  I like to poop.  I also like to watch mommy's face make lots of twists and turns when she sees my poop.



Anyway, I hope you readers are fabulous.  I'll close my letter now and leave you with some beautiful pictures.  What are the beautiful photos of?  ME!  Of course! 



See you again soon!

Love,

Vivian


-----------------------------------------------------------


A photo of Me with my new best friend, Abby Cadabby:





Mom says I was "having a moment" here in this picture:




Me having some fun at the statue park that mommy took me to see:




We play ball at the park:





Mom says these are soccer nets and I was trying to be goalie.  (But what she doesn't know is that I was pretending to be Spider Girl.):

What is Your Personality Type?

Have you ever taken a personality test?  Have you explored the innerworkings of your mind and how you relate to the world around you?  Your concrete likes and dislikes? 

I've been reading quite a bit lately on personality types (for parents and children mostly, but it can apply to everyone).  By understanding what your personality type is, you can fully see how to thrive on this earth.  You gain a glimpse of how you receive your energy, what kinds of people you like to be around (large or small groups), how you think and how you react to your surroundings. 

I remember I took my first personality quiz in college almost thirteen years ago during my first semester.  Although I feel that I've changed and matured, I've taken the quiz again at different points in my life over the past thirteen years, including today.  The results are always the same - ISFJ. 

What the heck is ISFJ you ask?  Click here to find out.

In simple terms, personality tests will determine which of the more dominant characteristics you have:

(and sometimes you may be close in the middle to both traits)

I = introverted     or       E= extraverted

N = iNtuitive       or       S = sensing

F = feeling          or        T = thinking

J = judging         or         P = perceiving


Funny because I apparently believe that I am a deep thinker and more perceptive than I truly am. I suppose the difference is how I deal with my thoughts. Although I have many extraverted qualities, the introvert in me needs time to reflect on my extraverted experiences and have quiet moments to recharge again. 
 
Like my results say, I don't like conflict.  Generally I am a very dependable person.  Unfortunately though, as it says, when things go wrong or I undergo stress, I do often imagine all the critically wrong things that could happen.  In fact, I'll lie awake at night thinking of them.
 
Gosh, I can't wait to see what Vivian will be someday.  Her personality is just starting to flourish.  I see lots of her dad in her but also some of me in there too.  That is one of the very cool things about being a parent - watching characteristics in your child(ren) unfold before your eyes.   Heck, even your pets take on your personality traits too.  My dog bumps into walls just like I do! 
 
I encourage you to take THIS QUIZ to find out more about your style.  It has about 75 questions; therefore, it will take you about ten minutes or more to complete it.  Then do a Google search on your letter results for a detailed description. 

Does the outcome fit your personality?  Chances are, it will.  The results may be off slightly (for instance, it says the ISFJ types often make wonderful interior designers.  That may be true for some but I certainly don't have a sense of style, not for my home or myself !)  Overall though, I find that the description is an accurate portrait of me. 

I asked my husband to take the quiz tonight.  Results show Kirk to be ENTJ.  His outcome is this and the description is quite fitting for his personality.  Perhaps that is why we compliment each other so well.  We are opposites in how we deal with people, think and how we take in our surroundings.  He focuses externally, while I am internally.  Kirk is a great leader yet he can step back and be a partner (not a commander) in our home.  Like his outcome says, Kirk has a strong sentimental streak (which can be translated into romantic words and deep intimacy, which is fortunate for me).  He also can spark the best conversations, which I love. 

If you take THE QUIZ, please post your results in the comments below.  Tell me - did the conclusion surprise you?

Thank you in advance if you have the courage to take the questionnaire and post your outcome.  It gives me greater knowledge of the people reading my blog.  And I'd love to learn more about you! 

For me, building relationships with people are very important.  Generally I do want those around me to be happy and comfortable.  It's the "nurturer" in me, according to my quiz results.  So I hope you'll indulge me and tell me more about you.  Then I can help make you feel more at home.  :-) 

Side notes, Sidelines and Sidewalks

First, thank you to those who commented or sent me emails regarding my last post on writing.  I'm happy to report that the momentum seems to be continuing, not just with my writing but in other areas of my life as well (more on that later). 

Since many of you were so kind to me in sending me detailed responses (or promises to send responses soon), I wanted to share the key points with everyone here.  Great information was given to me and deserves to be repeated:

• Make time to write every day but be flexible when you can't write.  Don't force it just to write crap.
• Include your family in your writing and make creative time, such as having my daughter Vivian "write," "color," or be artistic in some way.
• When I grow tired of my own work and words, stop and read someone else's.  Reading other writers is the best way to be inspired again.  (This I certainly understand as many of the blogs and sites I read inspire me everyday). 
• Outlining your story is a good thing but don't be set in stone with it.
• Find real life people you know to help you build your characters.
• Peaks will vary and you should try to give into them whenever possible, even when it means the wee hours of the night and interrupted time when you're doing something else.

Great advice and I'm so thankful for it!  If you have other tips or suggestions, you know how to reach me! 

My current peak time seems to be the first two hours of a new day.  That's right, this morning I was again crouched over the hotel kitchen sink between 1:00 a.m. and 3:00 a.m. just scribbling away notes about my story characters - their husband's names, how I envision them to look and other details. 

Yesterday I wrote a potential prologue of my story, so it seems to be a book or novel, so far.  I could later adapt that though.  I'm just thrilled that the ideas and notes are still coming to me.  I'm trying to make the most of this inspiration.

That seems to be my underlying theme and message lately - making the most of my life and creativity right now.  For the past week, I've really made an effort to take in my surroundings and to write side notes (if only in my head).  I now live in a state where it is gorgeous and not very cold for probably ten months out of the year so I'm enjoying being outdoors more. 

When I take these side notes in my head or on paper, I acknowledge the fact that I'm in the moment enjoying myself.  For once, I'm being present instead of worrying about the future or hanging onto the past.  That can often be a tough chore for a cyncial, analytical introvert like me. 

Did you know that I'm an introvert?  Perhaps you can't tell by my posts.  But every quiz or personality test I've taken shows that I'm an introvert with some extrovert qualities.  Right now I'm reading this book on "Raising Your Spirited Child," and it is helping me understand how introverted parents often need down time from their spirited, determined children (like my Vivian) and when they don't get some alone time after a full day, they really become cranky and upset. 

Hmmm, so I'm not just a giant b*tch at times?  There is a scientific reason behind my actions.  I love it! 

No seriously, I'm noticing so much about Vivian now that I'm spending so much time with her being a stay at home mom.  I used to worry that she was developmentally behind other children.  But I don't feel that way anymore.  Either she's never truly shined until I've been home with her or I just never noticed her smarty pants before (probably a little bit of both), but she knows so many things. 

In just the week I've been home with her all day, I have witnessed her count from one to ten, say all the primary colors and point out the shapes, even difficult ones like an oval and an octagon!  An Octagon!    Now does she really know what those shapes are?  Probably not.  Yet she does recognize them on the bright colored flash cards that my mother-in-law bought for her.  And she brings me these flash cards several times a day!   I'm taking these side notes of who she is now and how she is growing so I will always remember it.

Yesterday Viv and I went to a park. I took note of how pretty a particular group of trees were.  Their branches were intertwined and deep rooted.  They looked like those wicked trees from the Harry Potter movies. Yes, I'm crazy now and staring at trees.  But it had been so long since I stopped to enjoy nature.  So I'm spending the rest of this month going outside and seeing the beauty in my surroundings every day.

Besides taking mental and actual side notes, I'm determined to jump off the sidelines and into the game.  That is the extravert qualites taking over my introvert side.  Since being here in Pensacola, I've already contacted three different social networking groups that I am interested in possibly joining.  I'm researching different activities in the area and finding so many wonderful (and mostly free) things to do. 

Do you ever play tourist in your hometown?  I highly recommend it.  If you learn how to conduct detailed searches, you'll be amazed at what you find.  By looking up free things to do, I found a cooking class being offered in a few weeks by a local, popular restaurant.  The class is "How to Cook Thanksgiving Sides," and I've already recruited two people who may attend with me.  My event coordinator personality is shining through.  This time it's organizing all fun things that I want to do, instead of boring meetings and conferences from my previous jobs.

For too long now, my dreams of writing have taken a back seat in my life.  I "benched" myself and didn't make it a priority.  Not anymore!  I have this wonderful opportunity to stay at home right now.  I don't have to work a full job (besides being a mom and wife, that is) so I intend to write every day and with conviction.  Now is my chance and I don't want to blow it.  No more sitting on the sidelines!   I'm in this game and I'm ready to play (write).

You might be thinking, Wow Mandy!  You sound like a self-help book.  It's sickening!  I know.  I almost vomitted in my mouth after I typed that.  I am suprised at how upbeat and positive I sound.

This is not to say that I don't have my struggles.  I have some very hard times being at home now too.  Vivian has at least one to two (usually six) tantrums per hour of each day and I'm with her, awake, for at least ten to twelve hours per day.  You do the math.  So it's not easy!  Sometimes I'm not sure I am even cut out to be a mom or I don't think I ever want a second child.  Those are the bad days.  The bad moments.

Fortunately though, I'm learning to watch for the signs when she is about to blow, I'm about to lose it and we both need a break.  And that's when we dance around the room, pretend we're animals or head outside for some fresh air.  Like yesterday in our stroll to the park.  I pushed her in the stroller. The we ran around in an open field for some play time and chasing after balls.

Speaking of strollers and walking, I love the sidewalks in this city.  I don't know who invented the concept of sidewalks but they are truly a blessing for moms, walkers and lovers of nature.  I feel glad that I'm living in a very walker-friendly city.  We've been walking every day. 

Yesterday as I was walking on the sidewalk taking in the beautiful day, I remembered one of my favorite books of all time -- "Where the Sidewalk Ends," by Shel Silverstein.  I so loved his poetry as a child and young adult.  I can't wait until Vivian is a little older and will listen to the silly words and poetry of this cherished book with me. 

Finally, because I'm in a self-help mood right now, (LOL!) let me close by saying that we do have a choice to be happy.  That is what I'm realizing these days.  We wake up and we make a choice on what kind of day we are going to have and if we will thrive (despite any obstacles or interruptions that may occur).  Our attitude says it all. 

And I don't know about you, but today I choose to have a fabulous day!  I sincerely hope your day is filled with taking insightful side notes, getting off the sidelines for some play time and strolling on the sidewalk that leads you to a creative and joyful place. 

When Ideas Are Flowing....How Do You Make The Momentum Last?

This is a post for the aspiring writer in me.  Call it a break if you will from my daily family adventures journal and life commentary.

Last night This morning between 1:00 and 3:00 a.m., cosmic forces (or the gods of writing, perhaps?) entered my head.  I was lying in bed listening to Vivian toss and turn when an idea struck me.  An idea for a story.  Even better, specific details came flowing to my brain as well. Details on main characters.  Thoughts on a plot.  Possible conflicts and resolutions.  I was lying in bed thinking about them, not wanting to move in case they'd all disappear when I stood up. 

After a half-hour passes, I was no longer able to ignore the voices.  I bravely stood and stumbled into the dark to look for my small notebook and an ink pen. The joys of hotel living ring true even in the wee hours of the morning as I bumped into the table, jingled my keys while looking for a writing instrument and argued internally if I should try to write in the bathroom or over the kitchen sink.  After all, Kirk was asleep in the bedroom and Vivian was asleep in the living room/kitchen area. 

The bathroom seemed cold and uninviting.  Finally I settled on a weird standing position over the sink since it was the only light available in any of our rooms that didn't disturb my sleeping, loved ones.  (Now today I have a weird shoulder and neck soreness....)

Peering through such a small light, I took about twelve short pages of notes.  I wrote a title for my novel (or play?).  I wrote a few details about each of the main characters - names, ages, career, life status, etc.  The opening scene was determined.  I even thought of a few jokes and one-liners for two of the characters. 

Then the ending came to me.  I didn't even start writing my story but I already knew what the outcome would be.  Is it bad luck to write the ending before you write your beginning?  (I hope not!  Quentin Tarantino doesn't follow a normal sequence, after all). 

I drew initial inspiration from some of my favorite stories I enjoy reading over and over again.  Typically I am drawn to women's fiction with stories on friendships and life lessons.  But I need to dig deeper and figure out what is it about those tales that make them so likable and relatable.  I have much research to do.

I wrote furiously until the pause set in.  When I thought too deeply of what to detail next, I stopped. Or perhaps it was my sleep deprivation kicking in.

Now that I have a story in my head, I'm both excited and frightened.  No idea has come to me so suddenly and so easily before.  Especially not the characters and plot of how my story could unfold.  I have my introduction and my ending mostly composed (in my head).  It's the middle parts - the meat and potatoes of my story - that freak me out!!

Will I have the guts to continue writing?  How do I keep this momentum going?

For all the writers out there (aspiring ones too) who happen to read this entry, I have several questions for you.  I'd love to hear about your personal experiences or advice with this.

Here goes:

• How do your ideas come and flow? 
• How do you write? 
• Do the characters come to you first?  Or your story?  Or does it vary? 
• Do you outline your story first?  (That's what I mostly did last night this morning). 
• How do you stay focused on your writing?  Do you set yourself time limits or set aside writing time each day?
• How did you recognize your peak writing times, if you have them?
• Do you ever worry if you're writing a story similar to those you like to read and love?  How do you keep your ideas fresh and original?
• And for those of you who may happen to have children, how the hell do you find time to write when you have a kid demanding your attention most of the time?

These are just a few of my inquiries.  Perhaps I need to revisit Writing 101 for help. I suppose these questions could apply to other types of creativity besides just writing.  I'm ready to listen to any suggestions or help you may have with these concerns.   Since this may be too much to answer in a comment below, please feel free to e-mail me at littlebit.mandy@gmail.com if that works best.

Well, I should really end this post and get back to my writing.  After all, this is what I've always dreamed of doing.  I love to write on my blog.   After all, blogging is fun and a great way to make friends.  However, my ultimate goal is to be writing something else -- a story, a novel, a play, a sitcom, or an article.  So let me continue while these prolific juices are flowing....

A Deal Or A Steal?

Did you ever receive such a deal that you almost felt like it was a steal, something to feel guilty over? That's how Kirk and I feel right now about the house we are getting.

Yes, you heard me right! We put an offer on a house here in Pensacola last night and within two hours, the offer was accepted. We are going to be home-owners again!


There was no counter offer from the seller! No struggles or real stress. Could it really be this easy?


Granted, we still need to complete an inspection along with some paperwork. But if all goes well (and I believe it will), then we go to act of sale on November 16th - just a week before Thanksgiving!!


Last night I was overjoyed with this opportunity. I had started this post but didn't finish it (I became sidetracked with phone calls and putting Vivian to bed, etc.) Then as the night went on, I began to feel sheepish over my original reaction and wondered if I should be so thrilled with getting too good of a bargain?  I even woke up around 2 a.m. and my stomach was in knots over it. 



Did we just play the right cards? Have our chips finally fallen into place?


For those of you who don't know me well or who may be new to my blog, my family and I just moved to Pensacola, Florida a week ago.  Prior to here, we lived in a rent house in Montgomery, Alabama from May 2008 to October 2009. Before that we lived in Dayton, Ohio from November 2005 to May 2008. And before that, we lived in New Orleans, Louisiana and its surrounding areas for my entire life. (Yes, I'm tired of moving for awhile!)


Thankfully, we didn't have a home in Alabama to sell.  That is partly because our home in Ohio took eleven months to sell. ELEVEN MONTHS! We carried the finanical burden of moving ourselves to Alabama from Ohio and paying two house notes for just under a year. We took a loss on the house when we finally sold it - about half of our money put down actually. So we went from having a 20% down payment three years ago to a 10% down payment this time. (Very sad to see half of your hard-earned money go away!)


So aren't we just getting what is coming to us now? A nice reward for a wonderful house at a bargain price after struggling for the past year and a half?  After not being able to save money, we are now in a good position toward financial security again.


I mean, we work hard. Kirk and I make smart choices (or so we think). We pay our bills. We pay our taxes on time. We live within our means and don't purchase extravagant things.    As a general rule, if we can't afford it, we don't buy it or rack up credit card debt. We hardly travel these days either.  So isn't this fair?


But why do I feel a little bit guilty over this? Is this crazy?


In other parts of the U.S., this house we are getting would be double the price or more. In a different economy and housing market, we'd be paying more for this house and this house would be valued higher as well.


The seller seems happy with what she is walking away with so I should be zestful as well, right?  We had the fortune of meeting the seller (since this was a for-sale-by-owner) - a single, older lady looking to downsize since her children are grown or in college.  She took our first offer and already has her next place selected.  It's a win-win for all of us. 

I know that I will get over these feelings of guilt and enjoy my new home soon.  Frankly, I'm not even sure why I feel conflicted in the first place.  That is just me, I suppose.  I often think that some things are too good to be true and I wait for the sky to fall down on me.


Anyway, this is the latest news with my family and me.  We found a house.  We love the house.  We put an offer on the house.  And lo and behold, the house will be ours!  

Here is a sneek peak into the steal deal that we expect to be ours in just a month (a few highlights of my favorite rooms or things about the house):




















Vivian is already attached to this place:





Have you ever gotten a deal on something (small or large) so great that you later felt bad over it? Do you think I should feel guilty or just shut my mouth and resume my victory dance?

Hotel Life (a poem)

Living in close, tight spaces
Proves to be a comical tale

As I bump into the end table
Fall over twice and a break a nail.


Cuddling with the husband is creative
If you don't mind a dog's eyes at bay
Or the cat taking a dump in his litter box
Within close range, just three feet away.


I don't think we have hotel neighbors
Vivian scared them off with her screams
As well as her fits, her cries and kicking
Yes, this is as fun as it seems!


The cat meows until we give him more food
The dog barks neurotically if it rains
We're confined to our bedroom by 8 o'clock
So Viv can sleep peacefully without noise pains.


Already on my second room key
I demagnetized the first one with my phone
I've left my wit in the trunk of my car
And my brain is temporarily on loan.


Who care's if the dryer leaves your clothes damp?
These circumstances are only short-term
So what if I have huge bruises and scrapes?
There are spatial limitations I must learn.


All these stories make for interesting punchlines
And someday we will see the clouds' silver linings
As long I don't fracture a leg or my typing finger
I'll be back soon to share more of my findings.

"I Have Always Depended On The Kindness Of Strangers"

Blanche DuBois says, "Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers."

Isn't that a great line from Tennessee Williams' A Streetcar Named Desire - the 1947 Pultizer Prize winning play? There are so many makes of this play and remakes into film. My favorite of course is the one with Vivien Leigh playing Blanche and Marlon Brando as Stanley. Vivien is the ultimate beautiful actress and drama queen, after all.

(Side Note: I thought for sure that if I were to have a second child and it turn out to be a girl, I'd name her Stella just so I can scream STELLLLLAAAAAA! at her someday.  But then Tori Spelling went and named her daughter that so forget it.  I also have a good friend considering Stella now for her baby.  Oh well).

Anyway, this particular quote is on my brain today because of the kindness that several strangers have shown me here in my new community.  I am already making friends, feeling welcome and I only just arrived in Pensacola last Friday. 

In the past two days, I have met two extremely nice ladies and their children.  They both wrote to me after seeing comments I made on a local online mom's group site.  These two women have been so kind and helpful to me.  They've shown me around the city, offered me tips on getting around, pointed out local places to try and much more.  I look forward to developing these relationships and hopefully turning them into lasting friendships.  And I hope I can return a kind favor to them someday.

Not only have these women been great.  Nearly everyone I have met has been outstanding.  I noticed that the checkout girl and bagboy at the grocery store seemed to really want me to have a good experience.  Even the man at the BP gas station told me to have a great day.  Now, how many gas station attendants take the time to speak to you?  Not many usually. 

Wow, is it always like this?  It's not Mayberry but it seems to be a mostly relaxed, kind-hearted community.

Being the new person in town can often be nervewracking.  Many cities have their own cliques.  If you don't have the right job, the right car or the right whatever, you just might not fit in.  I'm certain that this standard exists here in Florida and possibly every state and city in the U.S.  But so far, I am happy to say that I haven't experienced it here. 

I'm putting myself out there to meet new folks.  I'm taking a chance at talking to strangers.  And it is paying off so far. 

In fact, the lady at the bakery cracked jokes with me on Tuesday.  The hotel staff where we are staying is by far some of the most down-to-earth folks I've ever been around.  Our housekeeping lady is so quick to offer me additional towels and toiletries (Perhaps she is happy that we haven't asked her to clean our room yet.  She always comes by during Vivian's naptime).  The groundskeeper walked up to pet my dog saying how handsome he is.

Is it weird to already feel this at home in such a new place?  Is it divine intervention that brought us here when we didn't even look to Florida for our next move? 

I don't know.  I just want to relish in these happy-feeling moments and be grateful for the kindness that all these strangers are providing to my family and me. 

Perhaps later on I will feel differently.  Someone is bound to be rude or cut me off at some point.  Maybe I'll become cynical again and I won't like the people or living here after all.  I hope not but it could happen.

But for now, I will be thankful.   I say THANKS to all of you here who have shown me a shimmering spirit.  My head and my soul don't feel as lost because of you.

Here is another great quote by Blanche Dubois - "I know I fib a good deal. After all, a woman's charm is 50% illusion." 

I believe that this welcome party in Pensacola is 100% real, with no illusions.  And I hope the friendly nature of people here will remain forever.

I encourage you to show kindness to strangers around you.  And if you meet a new person in your community, take the time to make him or her feel welcome. 

Step Aside Columbus, Lewis and Clark!

Just call me Explorer Mandy, please.  I'm a nomad just roaming around with my toddler in tow. 

Kirk started his new job yesterday which he said went well (how bad can a first day be when half of it is introductions and paperwork, right?). So while he was stuck in the grind, I jumped right in to play tourist. 

In honor of Columbus day on Monday and my first day on my own with Vivian, we decided to travel around our new city.   I didn't have a specific plan in mind.  I let my gut feelings direct me. 

Since our realtors drove us around over the weekend, I knew the main roads and felt like it was an easy city to find my way around.  I was mostly right.  I took several wrong turns and went in directions that I didn't mean to go in.  I got lost.  But then I found my way.  Then I became lost again and found my way again.  That's all part of the adventure though.

The first thing I did "wrong" was not turn left and I went over a bridge and ended up on a small island, Gulf Breeze, just outside of Pensacola.  This lucky mistake led me to a grocery store, Publix, that I'm familiar with from Alabama.  Since I needed a few items, I stopped in and did shopping.  I also spotted a Smoothie King store which I love (and I used to work for their Corporate Headquarters in New Orleans years ago and I still keep in touch with my former co-workers there).  So perhaps it was fate that led me there to Gulf Breeze.

After shopping, Vivian and I drove through several downtown streets.  I turned onto Palafox Street and followed it down until it became The Plaza de Luna at Palafox Pier.  This is the site of Pensacola's newest waterfront public park that replaced the 2005 demolished auditorium.  It was serendipitous that I found it.







At this attraction, there are fisherman spots, a marina for yachts and boats and an observation deck. Mostly inhabited by birds, you feel a bit outnumbered by nature.









Of course Vivian and I had to look around.  She LOVED the observation deck and watching the egrets and birds fly overhead.  At one point, her head and ears became slightly stuck in the iron while peering through the bars.  (The Diva has a big head after all!)  I laughed knowing that she was okay and that she wouldn't try that trick again. 





The longer we stayed there, the braver Vivian became at moving closer to the birds on the grass or trying not to hold my hand.  I wasn't having that though!  Of course she wasn't happy when I placed her back in the car and we left.  But a few chocolate graham crackers and cheetoh's and she was like, "Plaza de Luna who?"  Oh yeah, she said it just like that too.  ;-) 

Before we left though, I noticed this cafe' on the corner.  It was a walk-up and order style place.  Perfect.  I could take something to-go. 



I was pleasantly surprised to discover they had shrimp and fish sandwiches.  I'll take a shrimp sandwich, please.  No pickles and light on the special sauce. 

Oh yeah, just see what you missed out on!  It was oh, sooo good.



After we both stuffed our faces, Viv and I headed in a different direction of the city - the historic district of East Hill.  We found J's Bakery which was highly recommended to us by two of my friends, Jen and Renee.  Thanks ladies!  It was a quaint place and the people there were so helpful and friendly. 



Vivian enjoyed looking at all the delectable treats in this bakery.  I took a brochure of their cakes and intend to order a birthday surprise for Vivian who will be two years old on the 29th.   Even better, we all enjoyed eating some cookies and petit fours from J's. 





After our visit to the sweet shop, we headed back to the hotel.  Vivian was ready for her nap.  I was ready to lounge around. 

So, maybe it wasn't an important expedition.  We didn't discover new land, gold or a fountain of eternal youth.  Perhaps our day was more like a Dora the Explorer episode instead.  Only without the cute animals, helpful tools and fun clues.

Still it was a mini-adventure and one that we both enjoyed.  I didn't even use a GPS.  That's right folks - I did it the old fashioned way - using a street map and following my instincts.  It was a great way to start my biggest expedition -- being a stay-at-home mom with Vivian.   And I can't wait to get out and explore more!