Marital Conversations, part one

Here is a sneak peak into what real marriage conversations are like.  Or what they are like in my house hold anyway. 

Don't be jealous of how romantic Kirk and I are with each other.  Maybe one day you and your partner can share these kind of things too. 

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The scene: Mandy and Kirk are watching old 80's music videos.  "Don't You (Forget About Me)" by Simple Minds is playing.

Mandy: "Was that a clown I just saw? And what's with all the kids toys in the room?"
Kirk: "I don't think people gave much thought in what to put in most 80's videos.  The singer looks like a child molester.  And I suppose the director said, 'hey, let's just throw a bunch of crap on the floor to fill up the room.'"
Mandy: (laughing) "It's a good thing I always think of the film 'The Breakfast Club' when I hear this song instead of picturing these weirdos."

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The scene: Mandy is cutting up chicken for dinner.  Kirk is bathing the dog Bono in the guest bathroom. 

Kirk: (Yelling from down the hallway) "Mandy, come here please!"
Mandy: "What?" (because I'm polite like that)
Kirk: "I just wanted you to see this." (points accusingly at the bottom of the bathtub where a brownish pancake sits). 
The stinch then hits my nostrils.
Kirk: "Look at this shit.  That is Bono's shit!  That just fell from his butt as I lifted up his tail and was bathing him." 
Mandy thinking to herself, (okay.....so?) 
Mandy trying to keep a straight face.
Mandy: "Do you want me to make a grooming appointment?"
Kirk: "He needs a sanitary appointment."


Later on in the kitchen, an hour after the bathing incident with the dog.....


Kirk moans and says, "That was so disgusting!"
Mandy: "I want to feel sorry for you.  I really do.  But I deal with crap all day, every day.  So I don't." 
Kirk: "Yeah, but yours is usually in a diaper."
Mandy: "Umm, no, not always.  I just dealt with this same scenario two weeks ago and I didn't have a bathtub and showerhead to wash it off either."




Hours later....


Kirk: "I feel like that shit is still on me."
Mandy: "Tell me about it.  That smell creeps up under your nose and stays with you for hours."



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The scene: The next night..... Kirk and Mandy are lying in bed.  Mandy was just about to drift off peacefully into sleep......


Kirk:  "I think I need to a make a copy."    (There is a story behind this phrase which I will share another day but basically it means that a number 2 is in order).
Mandy: mumble, moan, ignoring Kirk.

Kirk gets up for several minutes.  Then he returns to bed.

Kirk: "False alarm.  I didn't need to go after all."
Mandy: (sigh) "Thanks babe.  You really don't need to announce these things for me.  Especially when I'm trying to sleep." 

Kirk laughs.  Mandy puts pillow over her head.  Fade to black.


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That, my friends, is why I am always talking or thinking about bowel movements.  I try to keep my conversations poop-free, I really do.  But even when I try to escape them, they find me, haunt me and won't leave me alone. 

Anyway, I hope you have a crap-free or crap-ful day.  Whichever you prefer. 



(Disclaimer: I actually love the talks that Kirk and I share.  The reason I chose to post these is because I do find them funny and want to remember them when we're old and missing teeth.)