An Ode To Jillian Michaels

"The toughest trainer out there"
That's what you said
I hear it every damn day
As I complete your 30-day shred.

You're so annoying to me
With your horse-shaped face
Always barking orders
Telling me to pick up the pace.

Guess what, you don't scare me
Even though you sound like a man
I'll pull out your long pony tail
In your eyes, I'll throw Florida sand.

By the way, my boobs are bigger than yours
Your abs aren't even that tone
But mine look like a worn out tire
So I guess that's why I groan.

Still every day this March
I will get through your workout routine
To prove to myself that I can be stronger
And do, not just say, what I mean.

So instead, let me reply, "Thank you"
For helping me work toward my goals
Now if only I could have Gwen Stefani's midriff?
And the booty of Beyonce Knowles?