Vivian: Mistress of the Potty Throne AND Our Second Visit To The Library

Whew, what a week!  I mentioned in my last post that I've taken on the challenge of trying to bathroom train my 2.5 year old along with my other April challenge of literacy. 

What a job!  I'm so worn out. I feel like the instructor for potty training boot camp! Instead of carrying a whistle and jogging six miles each day, I stand upright for hours, armed with flash cards and books. Then we take turns hopping, skipping and running to the bathroom.  But it feels like I've done 500 pushups and not slept for a week. 

Honestly, I don't want to complain about it since Vivian is doing very well (so far; I hope I'm not jinxing it with this post!)  She had only one accident yesterday and today.  In fact, she even peed in two different  public toilets today -- the library and a local coffee shop.  So it was a public potty party victory dance for both of us! 

Yes, after staying home and feeling chained to the commode all week long, I HAD to get out today!  I was nervous and decided to put her in a pull-up; however, she didn't leak in it at all. 

She did keep me on my toes though as when I was waiting my turn in the bank drive-thru, she said the words "gotta potty."  So I backed out (after checking that no cars were behind me), pulled into the lobby parking lot and walked up to the door to find it LOCKED.  The bank wasn't open yet so Vivian stood with her hands on her crotch while I paced back and forth for two minutes before 9 o'clock and the doors were opened.  There was no public bathroom in the bank but the teller took pity on me and let use the employee toilet.  And after all that drama, Vivian didn't do a thing!  Oh well, what can you do?!  Hope for that pot of gold next time!

That bank transaction sums up the process of potty training for Viv and me....  For every successful number one or number two she completes in the potty, there are anywhere from five to a dozen false alarms.  So I'm in the bathroom A LOT throughout the day and only receiving a tip about five to seven times per day.  That is why you jump up and down like a monkey when it happens.... you're thinking.... FI-NALLY!

And you can't get embarassed over the potty either.  I spent half my morning carrying around one of those potty seat inserts as plain as day for all the patrons to see.  I even went into the men's room at the coffee shop when I saw a line formed outside the ladies room. When a two year old tells you she needs to potty, you don't wait and don't care the gender of the room you enter. You somehow grow nerves of steel.

I wish I could take credit for her awesomeness on the potty and say I'm the queen of the commode.  But really it's all her.  Henceforth, she is now named "Viva the Potty Diva".  Or perhaps I should call her "Vivian, Mistress of the Potty Throne."  Think of Xena the Warrior Princess but smaller, with no protective gear, giggles and butt cheeks that won't quit!

Vivian is the master of her domain.  She takes no pause when she sits on her throne.   In fact, she rather enjoys barking orders to me, the ass-wiping attendant.  Then I dance around like a jester as she steps down.  It's quite the royal affair, let me tell you! 

With all this prancing around and pampering, I've not made the time to do as much reading as I had hoped for this week.  BUT I am half-way through my first book, "To Kill A Mockingbird" for my literacy challenge.  I really love the book so far.  I won't say anything more about it though until I read the entire novel and can give a full assessment of it.

I did manage to make a second trip to the library, since I'm trying to go once a week with Vivian this moth for our reading challenge.  Today's visit was not as eventful or as entertaining as the first visit I wrote about.  No boobs and sex stories were spoken.  No scandalous books were given to me.  The staff was very kind and helpful though in other ways.  Since I encountered two different persons from the last trip, I told them about the hilarious book I was given as a mishap.  They chuckled over the incident. 

No, the most interesting thing that happened at the library was Vivian shouting that she had to potty very loudly while browsing the children's section and later having a meltdown when I told her she couldn't take the basket of crayons from the table.  So, I'm sorry to disappoint you.  I was let down from the lack of drama as well.  But I guess you can't expect another story quite as funny as the first one I detailed. 

Viv scored some great new books this week, including "Amelia Bedelia," one of my childhood favorites.  I also discovered a series called "Super Fly Guy" that I find adorable about a boy and his pet fly.  Perhaps I should consider writing a children's book or young adult fiction.  I seem to light up when I find a witty, colorful story that kids read.  And I sure am enjoying the adventures of the two children in "To Kill A Mockingbird." 

Children really are a source of good entertainment!  I know from personal experience now that I've never quite laughed as often (and as hard) or had as many comical tales to tell since Viva the Diva has come along in my life. 





Maybe she'll inspire me to write about our adventures someday.   I hope so.  :-)







p.s. - Thanks for your advice and comments on my last post.  Sorry I haven't been by your place to return the favor.  I've been in potty-land instead of the blogosphere.  After we flush and wipe, we'll stop by your sites for fuel and food.  :-)