Why the "Getting It On" Book is Getting Put Back On The Shelf

You may remember how I received the book "Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parents' Guide To Getting It On Again" through a funny mishap and a kooky librarian at my local library.  I felt as if this book had fallen into my hands for a reason and that I should read it as part of my April literacy challenge.





However, even though the title is comical and the cover makes me giggle, the book is no laughing matter.  The topic of sex or lack thereof mentioned throughout this book is a pretty serious discussion.  And to be quite honest, this topic is not one that I can relate to or enjoy reading about. 


Now, I'm not saying that I am a sex goddess or sex kitten, but I don't have problems doing the deed with my husband.  And I had no reservations about doing it with Kirk after our daughter Vivian was born in October of 2007.  In fact, I cheated half way through the first six weeks after she was born.... in other words, Kirk and I had sex, twice, before the "six-week safe zone."  I'm not advocating that this is normal or that other couples should be doing that before a post partum checkup.  But for me, I wanted to reconnect with Kirk.  I listened to my body and felt like I could handle it.  I had a very normal vaginal delivery with no tearing or issues down under.  Plus, I missed Kirk.  So why not?  We went for it and neither of us regret it to this day.  If we have another child in the future, things may be different for us though....


So as you can see, I had a hard time getting into the groove of this book's theme.  In my opinion, this book is for a woman who is so wrapped up in her baby that she can't look beyond the child (or children) to make time for her spouse.  I'm not that person.  OR this book is for a husband who is a tad bit selfish and has trouble communicating his needs to his wife.  Kirk is not that person.  In fact, I had a very opposite problem.  I had trouble being in love with my baby for the first several months.  My issues were adjusting to being a mom and all the responsibilities that came along with it.  I had no pause with spending the few moments of quiet time with my husband to be intimate because it was familiar and what I knew best.  Plus, after losing water and pregnancy weight, sex is a lot more comfortable and enjoyable.  At least, for me it was.

So I skimmed this book and did not read it cover to cover as I hoped I would.  Still, when I had to force myself into flipping through it, I knew it wasn't worth my time to dive into every detail. 


This book might be beneficial for a lot of people (Just not me).  I realize that in most cases, couples do have a little trouble resuming intimacy and sexual activity after a child enters their lives.  But.... thankfully, Kirk and I are not most people.  We have very open communications and if it's been too long for either of us, we tell the other person that we miss her/him and want to reconnect.  And the other person happily reciprocates.


No, I needed a different book after Vivian came along....something along the lines of "How Not To Feel Guilty If You're Not In Love With Your Baby And How To Be A Good Mother In Spite Of Those Feelings..."  That would have made a world of difference for me.... not a reconnecting with your husband after baby and finding time to have sex book.  Thankfully, over time, my inadequate mothering feelings did go away. I did learn to be more in love with my beautiful daughter and in the notion of motherhood.  I had to give myself time and work at it though.  Today, I love her and I can even see myself having another child... someday....


Still, for those couples who have problems "getting it on" after a baby's arrival, I can see why this book might be helpful for them.  The authors list lots of good examples of how to move beyond the awkwardness of no sex and how to better communicate with your partner.  They offer "love prescriptions" or homework assignments at the end of each chapter for a husband and wife to work on building their relationship.  In addition, they offer quizzes that help you rate your current intimacy and ways to improve it.  They talk about how to prevent from feeling that the new baby in your life is a third wheel.

A few of the author's suggested ways to ignite the fire between a drowning couple include things like:

• Visit a sex store together to pick out lubes or other toys.
• New dads should get in on the baby action if they wants to get action from mommy. (In other words, if dads help out mom with the baby, then mom will be more inclined to "help" them sexually).
• Couples should have the same sex-pectations - how much and how often should be consistent between both partners or at least a compromise should be reached.  Note that every couple's needs are different and you should NOT compare yourself to others.
• Don't view sex as something on your "to-do" list.  It should be viewed as fun and precious time.
• Women should keep in mind that Men want intimacy and not just sex all the time.  Yes, it's true.  Both have their own insecurities and not having sex fuels those doubts for males and females.
• Find ways to feel more secure about your body and be comfortable during sex.  For starters, take care of your hygiene.  When you look good, you feel good and will be more inclined to sex. 
• Turn off the TV and spend time together instead.
• If at all possible, try to go to bed at the same time.  If you're lying down at the same time at night, chances are you're going to have sex more or at least have cuddle time.

Other things were mentioned in this book but I found some of them to be ridiculous or irrelevant.  But then again, perhaps it's just that the authors wanted to cover every scenario and type of couple possible.  I just didn't see the reality to my situation or to most folks I know.

I love self-help books.  I truly do~  Ones that inspire and offer encouragement are great!  BUT for me, this book is not one that helps me.  This is one area where I know I have a good thing going.  And for that, I'm grateful.  Therefore, I don't feel bad about skimming through the chapters and putting it back on the shelf where it belongs. 

So that's my review and I'm sticking to it~!  

Sorry that I don't have more juicy details for you.  Frankly, I was disappointed in the content and could hardly stand reading it.  But that's okay.  You don't have to like every book you read.  You just have to know when to put it down and not waste any more precious minutes trying to fumble through it.

Plus, now I can focus on my final and LONGEST book in the literacy challenge - "The Poisonwood Bible" by Barbara Kingsolver.  At over 500 pages, I'm afraid that I might not get through it.  But half a dozen friends of mine highly recommended this novel and swear it's a page-turner. 

Hopefully, they're right and I'll beat it before April 30th.  We shall see....