The Quest For Fun, Part One

I was going to entitle this blog post, "How I Spent My Summer Vacation, Part One."  However, yesterday I remembered one of my all-time favorite movies -- "National Lampoon's Vacation" and one of my favorite quotes from that hilarious film, a line that seemed more fitting for my recent experiences. 

In that wonderful movie, the father Clark W. Griswold says the following to his family, after a long journey of misadventures and annoyances (pasted below):

"This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much f*cking fun we'll need plastic surgeory to remove our godamn smiles. You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of you're *ssholes!"

      Clark lets "Marty Moose" have it when he arrives at Wallyworld's
        amusement park only to discover the place is temporarily closed for two weeks!

Is that not one of the funniest, best quotes you've ever heard?  I am going to say that line to myself over and over again throughout these summer months to help me cope. 

Because I'm beginning to feel like Clark.... and many of my friends who have kids home with them during the summer are feeling this way too.  We are trying our best; we're making an itinerary of activities but our children are not cooperating or enjoying themselves.  Or outside forces are preventing us from having an easygoing experience.

That's why I entitled this post "The Quest For Fun, Part One."   -- We're not on vacation....we're on an almost impossible quest.  I'm on a mission to see if Viv and I can attend an activity without it resulting in a meltdown, crying episode or shout match.  I'm on a quest to smile and laugh for an entire session without the Diva or me wanting to throw punches at each other.  I'm on a journey to see if I can refrain from rolling my eyes at my child for an entire two-hour period or longer.

What do you mean Mandy?  Vivian seems so cute and lovable in the pictures you portray of her.  You might be thinking those thoughts.  But uhh, yeah, that's not always the case. 

In fact, it's time for a dose of reality.  Time that I show that summer "vacation" doesn't mean relaxing and blissful the way you see displayed on postcards and billboards with families relaxing by the poolside.  You don't find in travel books tips on how to drag your kid kicking and screaming from the beach.  How you forgot that sand can get quite hot and you're probably causing second degree burns on your daughter's feet for not putting her shoes on.  People don't tell you about the animal poop they see floating in the water which is real and looks much worse than the BabyRuth captured in Caddyshack. 

For every different activity Viv and I commit to, I'm one step closer to committing myself to a mental institution.   For every cute, decent photo of Vivian that I take during the few minutes when she is not freaking out or causing a commotion, I also capture a dozen of her WTF expressions and annoyances.  Like these two gems of the Diva taken at the beach just last week (posted below):







For every visit to a museum or bowling alley that we attempt, I also take on fits of my child not wanting to share or take turns with other kids.  Of course this always seems to happen in the same lane or aisle with a child who seems to be perfectly well-behaved.  (You gotta love that!)


For every time we leave the house to explore a new place or meet new people, I have to psyche myself up like I'm getting into the ring of a boxing match.  Or I call upon the heroes in Star Wars..... 

Dear Luke Skywalker, please place the force field around me and protect me from the wrongdoings of toddlers and nosy patrons giving me dirty looks!

I haven't had a "summer vacation" since I was around 17 years old.  I've always worked full-time or been in school.  I even spent two semesters in college taking courses during the summertime so I could graduate quicker.  (What the hell was I thinking?)   Well finally I have this opportunity to instill some culture and adventure into my life.   And since I can't afford a babysitter or could get in trouble for leaving my child home alone, Viv is tagging along with me during this quest for fun. 

I know we will have some great moments in these coming weeks.  But I didn't want to portray our lives as being easy or wonderful all the time.  Because it's NOT.  It's hard, frustrating and often exhausting.  Nonetheless, it's life.  One big crazy mess that you learn to laugh at later on. 


However, I'm going to keep trying. I'm going to continue to expose the Diva and I to new things until we have reached our limits; or until Viv can say, "Enough already mom! I don't want to do this anymore!" Until that moment arrives, I'll just be the Enforcer of Fun, the Master of Adventures and the Clark W. Griswold of the Fernandez family.



Forgive me if I go a little crazy to reel in my family members, helping them focus on making the most of our experiences....  So be it.  At least I've seen the National Lampoon's "Vacation" movie enough times to really channel Chevy Chase and lay the insanity on thick.   If Viv thinks she's the only one who can throw a tantrum, she ain't seen nothing yet! 

Tennis player John McEnroe perfected the sports tantrum of his time.



Tell me about some of your worst family vacations or travel experiences.  Because I know I'm not alone here.  Surely you've wanted to go "Clark W. Griswold" on your own "Marty Moose" at the "Wallyworld" amusement park at some point..... Come'on it's group therapy time.... Let it all out!