The Quest For Fun, Part Three: The Movie Disaster

Quote of the summer: (Must keep repeating it to myself over and over again....)

"This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much f*cking fun we'll need plastic surgeory to remove our godamn smiles. You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of you're *ssholes!"

Welcome to the third installment of "The Quest For Fun."  If you missed my first and second editions of our summer vacation adventures, please click here and then click here. 
 

Today has definitely been a Clark W. Griswold kind of experience.  Just hours ago I took Vivian to her first ever movie. 

Well actually, technically -- we didn't even make it for the previews.  So I should clarify -- I took Vivian INSIDE a theater to ATTEMPT to see her first ever film.

The local theaters here offer free movies to kids during the months of June and July.  I figured this was the perfect opportunity to expose Viv to films and the thrill of seeing a movie.  If it didn't work out, then at least I wouldn't lose any money out of my own pocket.

Ummm, yeah.... good thing I went there with low expectations.... 

I had my doubts whether Viv would do well in this kind of setting -- tons of people everywhere, lots of noise and a dark theater.  I just didn't anticipate her flipping out as soon as we stepped out of the car.  But she did. 

She began screaming and crying, with red face and piercing moans right as we edged toward the crowd.  I know that waiting in a line is not her strong suit but I thought if I could hang around until the majority of folks made it through, perhaps I could calm her down and we could slip into the theater at the last moment.  WRONG. 

Several  of my friends (and fellow moms) happened to be there waiting in line and waved hello to me (and gave me understanding, sympathetic glances) as I passed them, dragging Vivian by the arm into the facility. My intent was to try to help her cope with a new setting.  I wasn't ready to give up just yet.  Perhaps there was still hope that she could adjust and see the movie.  Who knows?  She can surprise me at times.  Maybe we could both still manage to have a good time.  FAIL. 

As we entered the building, Vivian became increasingly upset.  I pulled her aside ignoring the fact that we hadn't even gotten our free tickets yet and should not even be in there.  The ticket-taker, blonde-haired teenager rolled her eyes at me but let me by as I gave her my look that said, "Just let us walk around.  No, I don't have our f*cking tickets yet!" 

I carried Viv over to the arcade section, thinking she might enjoy playing a game or looking at the stuffed animals.  NOPE. 

I sat down at a nearby table and placed her in a chair next to me thinking that our isolation would cheer her up.  WRONG AGAIN. 

By this time she was in FULL HYSTERIC MODE.  Screaming, crying and more with no signs of letting up.

Finally I took her into the bathroom where thankfully no one else was dwelling.  We closed the door behind us in the handicap stall and I hugged her.  Together we cried.  My tears came rolling down at this point.  I couldn't stop them. I hoped they'd somehow help wash away the past ten minutes or magically whisk me back into my car so I could drive home and start the day over again. 
Viv continued sobbing for another four minutes or so bringing her total to about fifteen minutes at this point.  I cried for about three minutes until I could pull myself together, wash my face, and step outside the stall. 

Why did I cry?  Two reasons.  First, it's not easy to watch your child be so upset and especially not be able to calm her down.  Second, when you're stressed and you're in a situation that you don't know quite what to do next, you just cry sometimes.  When all else fails, just let all your emotions out. 

When we both felt somewhat emotionally and physically presentable again, we walked out of the women's restroom hand in hand.  I knew then that seeing a movie was NOT going to happen.  Even though I asked Vivian twice if she wanted to go home.  She replied, "no."  Even though I mentioned that we would be walking to the car soon and Viv promptly said, "No, no car." 

But perhaps I could still make it an educational experience for Viv.  So we slipped into a completely empty theater where no film was playing.  No one was around.  Just us. We sat in the movie chairs and I let her roam around.  Vivian did okay in that setting for about two minutes.  She sat in the theater chair for a total of thirty seconds.  Until she had a tantrum once again.  Why?  I don't know for sure.

So I snapped these photos of her (below).  I didn't know what else to do. 







You can think less of me if you want or even call me cruel.  But I wanted to remember her at that moment .  I wanted to remember how I felt and how she felt. 

This is reality folks.  I want to let people know that motherhood ain't always pretty.  Children (especially Viva the Diva) are not always happy and easy-going.  Even when it's something simple and that should be enjoyable, like seeing a movie. 

After these fits, we promptly left the movie facility once and for all.  Viv was still crying all the way to the car.  She continued screaming and saying, "No, No!" even after I placed her in the carseat.  So what did I do then?  I snapped a few more photos, of course:







Still despite us both crying in the ladies' room like two middle school girls weeping over a broken heart, I'm glad we went.  We both learned a few important lessons today. 

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Lessons Learned from The Meltdown Movie Experience Are The Following:

1.  Continue going into public places with your child(ren) but do it with low expectations.  Expect crying fits.  Expect fights.  Expect the worst possible scenario.  Then if and when you actually have a pleasant experience, you'll really enjoy it and appreciate it much more.


2. Try your best not to envy that well-behaved, mellow child (and his/her mother) who is patiently waiting in line for their movie ticket and popcorn.  Perhaps that kid is a bed-wetter or never sleeps through the night like my Vivian does.  Perhaps that child has no personality and nothing truly likeable about him/her.


3. Don't be embarassed if you need to cry along with your child.  Frankly, most people clear the room and leave you alone after that;  then you can have your own private pity party.  In fact, throw in a few crazy looks and gestures too so that someone will voluntarily put you in a straitjacket.

4.  When you leave the house to do anything, let's face it -- that's the real accomplishment!  We got dressed today.  We brushed our teeth.  We actually made it to an event on time (with a two year old).  I think that deserves a round of applause right there -- just showing up at all!

5. Who needs a movie theater where you're fighting crowds and looking for seats?  The best seat for a film is at home, in my own living room.  This way I can take my shoes off and not even wear a bra.  Vivian can talk as loud as she wants.  Best of all, we can pause the movie each time either of us needs to pee.


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So I suppose the experience wasn't so bad after all.  Anytime that we can walk away from a place and learn new things in life, then Viv and I are doing our jobs.  We're achieving our daily dose of education. 

And don't feel too sorry for the Diva even after viewing the above photos I took of her and posted for the world to see.  Although she cried off and on from 9:30 a.m. to 10:06 a.m., by the time I pulled away from the parking lot (at 10:08 a.m.), she was happily eating pretzels.  She had forgotten about the disaster after two minutes.  And I happily gulped down her Juicy Juice box (berry punch flavored).  In route to our house, we stopped at the grocery store to pick up a pint of ice cream.  Then we settled in at home for our own private showing of Alvin and the Chipmunks.

All is right in the world again for now..... until tomorrow's disaster that is....

(Stay tuned for more of our mis-adventures.  The summer is not even half way over yet.)