Should I Continue the Challenge?

I have been putting off my September challenge for days now.  I began with the best intentions - it seemed like a good idea in the beginning. 


In fact, I did well with Z, and not too shabby with Y and X.   I even wrote out in a small notebook a dozen or more things that start with each letter of the alphabet.  I already jotted down objects, concepts and ideas for Z to A.  


However, now I'm losing steam and haven't gone past "W" and "V". I technically should be on letter "R" right now according to my calendar.

What's happening?  Why am I considering giving up just ten days into the challenge?


Let me tell you.  And I'll try to highlight the letters W and V in my explanation since I've gone that far in the mean time and I can at least end with a shred of dignity.

First, I'm at my Wit's end with my daughter Vivian.  She will be turning three years old next month and this latest growth spurt has brought out the Worst in her - attitude, meltdown, lots of "no's" over anything and everything.  I'm losing my mind over it every single day, multiple times per day.  I hate saying that about my own child but it's true.  People have Warned me about age three being Worse than age two and I am beginning to believe them.  Sigh!


 I was going to stick it out.  In fact, we had several days of Water play, including a day at the pool and sliding down a Water slide.  We also poured Water into a Vase and pulled a Wagon around the yard.  I Volunteered to make mini loaves of bread and donate them to the local fire stations in honor of their protection and events that took place on September 11, 2001.  In fact, I've been Volunteering a lot lately in my mom's club and in helping out friends.

Then things just fell apart....  The days became a Whirlpool of emotions and behavior issues.  And I was feeling so Wacky and on the urge of Violence all the time.


Okay, enough of all that.  Good grief that is annoying to have all those big and bolded W's and V's just to prove a point-- just like my thoughts on this annoying challenge lately.

Secondly, despite my creative efforts, Vivian becomes disinterested in our activities quickly.  I'm spending more time researching and planning the things we do than spending quality moments acting out the fun with her and with myself.  That is FRUSTRATING for me!  The same goes for writing on my blog about this challenge -- it's taking me longer to explain in words what I'm doing than it does to actually perform the tasks.  Not cool. 

Finally and frankly, I'd rather be walking outside in the fresh air.  At least then I could point out how wonderous the weather is now that it's finally getting a bit cooler these days.  And I'm much happier if I keep my writing open and available for anything I wish to explore.  Lately I've felt pigeon-holded into this challenge, narrowing in too much on the alphabet letters and what to do with them. 

Instead I'd rather focus my energy on something more important and special to me -- like my family recipes cookbook, for instance.  I really want to have it ready to give (and make it available to purchase) as Christmas gifts this year.  I started it months ago and have spent hours trying to find the right software or publishing site that I think will be a match for my needs.  So far, I think I'm going to design it all myself because none of the sites give me the freedom I want to put my pages together.  Now I just need to determine who has the best print quality for an affordable price.

If I could turn back time, I would have made that my challenge for September and October -- to complete my cookbook and self publish it.  Maybe that will be/should be my new challenge instead? 


In addition, I recently looked back at my writing from almost a year ago.  I started an outline for a novel (or play) that I was very excited about last October. I wrote out details on characters and even determined how I wanted the story to end.  Then it sat there, collecting dust.  I've done NOTHING with it. 


What's wrong with me?  Why have I let so many distractions come between me and my true desires?  I was much more determined a year ago than I am now. 

When I first began doing "Mandy's Monthly" challenges, back in March, I did them because I had certain goals I wanted to attain -- lose weight, run a 5k, read more books, put more literacy into my life, expand my mind, etc.  They were great and I enjoyed them.  At that time, I felt I needed that something extra in my life.  

Since then I have tried to come up with something as close to my heart as what I've already done.  So far, that hasn't happened.  I wanted to give it another try and now I'm regretting it. 

When I came up with the notion of September's alphabet challenge, I didn't clearly think it through.  The concept was a good one but deep down, my heart hasn't been in it after that first day of brainstorming.   And if my heart and soul isn't in it, why should I keep doing it?  I'm not being paid or forced to continue this trial.  If I don't think it's worthwhile, then why bother with it?

Although I feel like a loser for wanting to give up, my gut is whispering the following lyrics into my head, "Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em.  Know when to walk away and know when to run."   I suppose the greatest challenge for me is being too hard on myself and knowing when to move on. 

What do you think?  If you were me (not that you'd want to be), would you continue the challenge?  Have you given up on a challenge before because you thought it was the best thing to do?