A Letter To Vivian On Her Third Birthday

To my dear daughter Vivian Rose,


As you’re about to turn three years old, (October 29th) I’ve been thinking about what it’s like to be your mom and how my feelings for you have changed over the past year (the past three years, actually). I want to express my love for you, our relationship and how we’ve evolved up to this point.




I remember the first time I held you - I did have an instant love for you and the urge to protect you. That love quietly faded into the background for nearly the first year of your life though as I dealt with sleepless nights, more than a dozen dirty diapers per day and the constant crying you did which I couldn’t make sense of.





Some mothers will say that they love EVERY SINGLE MINUTE of motherhood. I think those folks are lying. But perhaps they’re not. Maybe some women do love every minute of it, but I wasn’t like them. I haven’t been one of those moms. There have been some very difficult, frustrating moments for me. You, my dear Diva, are often a challenge~!



Don’t misunderstand me -- It’s very easy to love you and be charmed by you. But at times, you can often turn a wonderful moment where we’re laughing and hugging into an incident where we’re crying and throwing tantrums on the floor.



You’re a bit dramatic, if you want to know the truth! You’re often hot then you're cold, you're yes then you're no, you're in then you're out, you're up then you're down (followed by the rest of that annoying Katy Perry song that was overplayed on the radio).



Just when I praise you for being completely potty trained, you surprise me with a waterfall of poop running down your legs while we are at a local park. (Thank goodness there was a community center next door and I had a spare change of clothing!) When you get an idea stuck in your head, there is no turning back! You are often stubborn and impatient (like your father).





Still despite a few shortcomings that you have (and we all have them as humans), you’re positively the most wonderful little girl I know. As infuriating as you can be, you are the best thing about my life that I could ever hope for!



You smile and the whole world around you lights up! You laugh and it’s such a hearty, belly laugh that others hear and start to chuckle too. You laugh and love with your whole heart. Even though you’re a tiny thing, you seem to have emotions and passions of a giant.





You give the best hugs. Hands down! Especially when they are random and running at me at full force. You see the world as your playground and invite me to play along with you, which makes me quite possibly the most fortunate person on the planet.



Your inquisitive nature and reasoning is astounding. You have this focus and determination that could make you a world leader even at the age of three. Although you like to battle us at dinnertime, I know you love foods, especially chocolates and sweets like me.









My dear daughter, you have this desire to learn so badly. I can see it in your eyes. You are so fascinated with the alphabet and the sounds that letters make. I can hardly keep up with your pace. I know I should be teaching you a foreign language or physics right now, if only I weren’t so ignorant of them both. Still, I will always try to teach you about living life to the fullest, being kind, being honest, making choices and chasing bubbles in the wind.





Although our first year together was rough, I always knew we had the potential to be a great mother-daughter. Even though at times I was not sure if I could handle you or if I would ever want another child, I realize now that I want very badly to give you a sibling. I know that you would make a wonderful big sister. And if I’m lucky enough to have another child and have it be a girl, I think I’d want another one just like you because I love who you are and the person you’re becoming!



I never thought I was the stay-at-home mom type, but I see now that as long as I’m staying at home with YOU, then it’s the right place for me at the moment. I’m so thankful to have this opportunity to spend so much time with you because I see how much you enjoy being mommy’s girl right now.





I love how the tiniest things make you go into full on hysterics, like me tilting my head or making animal noises. I love that I’m already embarrassing you with my singing and dancing in the car as you politely told me to “Calm down, mommy. Calm down!” last week!



I love watching you be thoughtful and harsh on your stuffed animals – how you want to potty with them, eat with them, punish them or have them do whatever you are doing. You’re a wonderful companion and friend.





I love how sometimes we can just cuddle in bed or on the couch for minutes or hours. One of my favorite times is first thing in the morning when you crawl into bed with your daddy and me and we can all just lay there as a cozy family.



I remember how when I found out you were a girl, I could NOT stop crying. I was so happy to have this little female to help shape and mold in this wild and crazy world. Little did I know that it would be YOU that would help shape ME~ after all, you make me want to be a better person, a better mom and a better friend than I’ve ever been in my entire life!



I may have given you the gift of life (along with your dad Kirk, of course) but you are the one who gives me a better reason to enjoy my life. Each day you continue to give me joy, laughter, entertainment, tears and most of all -- love!




So even though you’re only three years old and won’t understand all these words I’m saying now, someday I hope you’ll get what I mean. Thank you for the gifts you give me. Thank you for being you!   Even though I still can't say that I love every single moment of motherhood, I can say that I do love being YOUR mom!





I love you Vivian Rose, my diva. My baby. My little girl who’s growing up!



All the love in my heart,

Mom (or “Mommy” as you currently call me)