How did you spend your New Year's Eve? Kirk and I spent half of our night in the emergency room.
Kirk was in a minor car accident on his way home from work on December 31st. An elderly lady over the age of 80 rear-ended him while he was sitting at a red traffic light. He was at a complete stop and the woman hit his truck's exhaust pipe, jolting his head into the car's headrest.
The lady, ironically named Daisy, didn't do much damage to Kirk's truck. Feel free to insert any and all
Driving Miss Daisy jokes here. We sure said a lot of them over the weekend.
We're so grateful no serious damage was done to Kirk or his vehicle, since Miss Daisy messed up her front bumper. Miss Daisy didn't seem too shaken up or bothered by the incident. She chatted away with Kirk like he was her grandson or other relative. She also continued to apologize to Kirk saying, she "misjudged."
How can you misjudge an idle car sitting at a red traffic light minding its own business?
Kirk left the scene after the cop arrived and ticketed Miss Daisy with careless driving. He felt okay until after he arrived home. Then the lower part of his head and upper neck began to ache. After some debate and discussion, he decided to go to the emergency room. My parents had just arrived into town a few hours ealier to visit with us for the New Years Holiday weekend. So they watched Vivian while Kirk and I took off to the ER.
A few days prior, my mom had offered to babysit the Diva so Kirk and I could go on a date. We only have time away from Vivian maybe once or twice in a year. This, however, was NOT what I had in mind for some quality, alone time with my husband!
The ER - While visions of a younger George Clooney and Noah Wyle may come to your head, I promise you that there are no good looking people in an emergency room. In fact, if you're having low self-esteem issues, just visit a local hospital waiting room and take in your surroundings!
We saw some sites on the eve of 2010 in the West Florida Hospital of Pensacola. You may remember this post I wrote a few months ago about
the characters you will meet in a doctor's office. Well those folks mentioned in my prior blog entry have nothing on the people we laid eyes and ears on this New Years Eve.
As Kirk and I sat together in the waiting room for the doctor to see him, we prayed that some disease was not inching its way onto our skin or into our bodies thanks to those around us. We also prayed that none of these weirdos would sit near us. (
That prayer didn't work though).
First we noticed "
Rock Jock." And by Rock Jock, I mean there was a dude walking around with the I.Q. of a rock wearing head to toe gear of his favorite sports team. His chin had a little bit of drool on it. Rock Jock paced up and down the hallways. I think he was looking for spare coins that may have been dropped on the floor so he could raid the vending machine.
Rock Jock wasn't the sick one. He was there with his mother, I am guessing. She looked like she had the I.Q. of a paper clip. A part of me wanted to play
Rock, Paper, Scissors with them but I just don't think they could have followed such a difficult game.
(By the way, Rock Jock had on an Alabama Roll Tide t-shirt, just in case you were wondering).
Next came in "
Bleeding Bob." I don't know if his name was Bob but he entered the ER with his hand and arm covered in paper towels which were drenched with blood. He was alone and must have driven himself to the hospital.
Bleeding Bob stood around for five minutes or so waiting for someone to acknowledge him. When the nurse finally spoke to Bob, she asked him to complete a form. Bob was not amused that this nurse asked him to fill out paperwork while his hand was bleeding. Still hospital rules exist and the young lady asked Bleeding Bob the questions and wrote down his answers.
A few minutes later, I notice that Bleeding Bob had formed a little blood trail just a few inches from my purse on the floor. That was when I picked up my purse, scoured my hands with anti-bacterial soap and thanked Kirk for this lovely place he had taken me to for our date. Kirk's reply to my statement came in the form of a quote - "
You're Bleeding On My Suitcase!" This is a line from one of our favorite movies - the very stupid, very silly teenager spoof film,
Not Another Teen Movie. Then I told Kirk how sexy he looked sporting that hospital neck brace he was wearing that was probably worn by former Rock Jocks and Bleeding Bob's and Brenda's. See what a romantic couple we are!
Now Bleeding Bob has been waited on and then is asked to join us in the waiting room. Bob chose me as the person to grace his presence with. Yes, he came sit right next to me.
Meanwhile "
Crazy Lady" slams her way through the restricted doors and says to anyone who will listen, "I need to speak to a hospital administrator!" She is ignored for about two minutes. Again, she says, "I need to speak to the person in charge of this place!" I did not make full eye contact with Crazy Lady. She was, after all, crazy.
Crazy lady began cursing loudly. She says how the nursing and hospital staff were treating her like crap and how they wanted her to have a psychiatric evaluation.
Really!? With your arms flapping, eyes half-dilated and your crazy stance, I have no idea why they would suggest that. Crazy lady can barely speak complete sentences about her excessive weight loss, the cysts that she believes exist in her body, and her pleas that she is, in fact, not taking drugs or hooked on medication.
Crazy lady continues to cause a big scene in the waiting room. Then she walks toward the exit sign.
I must not look at her, no matter how enticing it is or how much I am curious. She then turns around to head back toward the nurse's station.
No eye contact! I don't want to have to I.D. this lady or be the first victim in her shooting rampage. Finally she leaves, for real this time.
Thank goodness!
Bleeding Bob then becomes super chatty with Kirk and me. I look at his arm to see that he's no longer bleeding. The droplets are now brown and dry on his paper towels. Bob makes small talk with us about Crazy Lady, how long we've been waiting and how we're all damn lucky to not be in serious need of medical attention since this hospital clearly doesn't care about people.
His words, not mine.
Finally Kirk's name is called.
Thank you heavens above!
To make this long story shorter -- A doctor (in training), a nurse and a clerical person visit our room. Kirk is "examined" by the doctor and nurse. By examine, I mean they asked him questions, uttered a few big words, then basically said he's probably okay based upon the description of the accident and the fact that he had no vision problems or mobility concerns. The clerical person took Kirk's drivers license and insurance card. She said she'd be "right back." After the doctor and nurse told us we were free to leave, we tracked down the clerical person (since it has been 45 minutes since she'd be "right back") to retrieve the cards.
Then we left. The whole drive home we laughed and talked about everything we just experienced. We joined Vivian (who didn't notice we were gone) and my parents at our house. Kirk drank two glasses of Crown Royal and 7-Up. Later we all went to bed.
The rest of our weekend was a normal holiday, family weekend. Kirk seemed okay for the most part. Then he felt worse; then he'd feel okay again. This morning (Sunday, Jan. 3rd) he went back to the ER again. He went alone this time. A different, better doctor performed a CAT Scan on him. He does have a mild concussion but does not have any serious head trauma, bleeding or any bruising. The doctor told him to simply get rest. He also prescribed some mild pain and stress-relief medication.
So that was our rockin' New Years Eve. No Dick Clark. No Ryan Seacrest. No fireworks. Just the strange sights and sounds of Rock Jock, Bleeding Bob, Crazy Lady and a few other patients and staff members of the West Florida Hospital Emergency Room. It was the films
Dream Team and
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest all wrapped up into one fun night.
Thank you Miss Daisy for giving Kirk and me this date and night to remember! Next time don't forget your driver at home. You really shouldn't be on the road. You probably shouldn't even operate a grocery cart or a television remote either.
I really wanted to spend my date with Kirk eating Italian food and seeing the sexy duo of Robert Downy Jr. and Jude Law on the big screen. Oh well, there's always next year!
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