Feel Better, Write A Letter

It's no secret on here that I enjoy writing letters.  In the past, I've pretended to be my toddler and wrote from what I imagined to be her point of view.  I've written complaint letters to different household appliances of mine.  I've written love letters to my shower head, ceiling fan and kitchen counter tops. 

That got me thinking lately..... maybe I should write a book that contains nothing but random letters.  I might call it, "Feel Better, Write A Letter."  It would contain funny, short letters about the daily things I encounter like how I was recently annoyed at someone talking on the phone in the bathroom stall next to me while I peed.  I wanted to say, "Hey, I hope you're enjoying my stream of urination!"  You know, stuff like that.  But then I'd probably also include a few sweet, loving letters to my family and friends and nature perhaps as well. 

It could be a short, semi-thick book, the kind you see next to Hallmark cards in the drugstore.  Yeah, I can picture it.  A book you bring with you in the bathroom or read in the doctor's office. 

Now that I'm sharing this idea, someone will probably put it together and some celebrity will coin it as her own.  Deep thoughts from my Prison Cell by Lindsay Lohan.  Or Dancing my way to Laughter by Rikki Lake. 

So we'll see if I really pull this together or not.  But in the mean time, here are a few samples I have written:

Dear Cell Phone Talker in the Ladies' Restroom,
I realize that it's not convenient to quit your conversation when you enter a restroom.  I realize that you have no disregard for others hearing your words that should not be uttered in a public place.  You must have a very understanding friend on that other line who doesn't mind you passing gas.  I hope the recipient of your call enjoyed hearing my long stream of urination.  I had saved that up awhile - a bottle of water and a cup of coffee.  I have to wonder if anything is private or sacred to you.  Perhaps you'll share your future constipation episodes on You Tube or Facebook.  I wonder if you'll bother to put your caller on hold while you change for a menstrual cycle.  Whatever the case may be, I'm sure glad I was able to join in on your fun.

Dear Maternity Pants,
It has been awhile since our departure, over four years in fact.  I hope that you will lift me up once again and carry me through the next several months of this pregnancy.  Please give me the strength I need to keep my mouth shut and not slap a stranger when he/she asks if I’m having twins or more (just as they did last time).  Thank you for your support, literally. And let the fun begin!

Dear Dirty Sink,
Yes I know you won't clean yourself!  But how is it that you get so bloated so quickly?  Why do you always have to have a party and invite lots of friends to join you in the dirty swimming pool?  You can be such a whore sometimes.  And why are you often the most disgusting place in my house?  Hey don't look at me like that!  I'll pour some soap right down your throat!  In fact, I'll get the bleach out!  Oh, you'd like that wouldn't you?  To you, it is receiving a full body massage with a hot sponge while I scrub away the scum that you were with last night!  Fine, let's make a deal.  Let's clean up today.  Then you have your filthy mouth again tomorrow.


Dear Growing Pregnancy Boobs,
I know people are attracted to you.  My husband can't stop staring at you.  But must you act like a magnet for everything I eat and everything I drink, too?  What others don't know is that you're exhausting me.  You're dead weight.  You are sore without even doing any kind of exercise!   You don't fit right into any shirt I wear.  You're dragging and slowing me down there girls!  Shape up, will ya?  We've still got a long way to go and I'd hate to see you get left behind.


Anyway, the above is just a few snippets of my writing.  That is how I envision a book like this to unfold.  I always feel a little bit better after I write a letter, whether it's sweet, mean or sarcastic.  I usually just do it for me and to get my feelings out in the open. 

What do you think?  Would you be interested in a book like this?  Or shall I throw it in my dirty sink?