The title of this blog post is not incorrect. I'm not referring to milk. I'm talking about actual urine, my own pee-pee. Here, let me explain.
I had a doctor's visit with my OBGYN this week. I've hit the last trimester of this pregnancy. I'm right at 28 weeks. Can I get a woot-woot? Amen! I have just three months (or less) to go, thankfully.
Like any visit to the gynecologist, you have to give a urine sample to the doctor so they can examine it for any causes of concern. No big deal. I'm over six months pregnant; therefore I always have to pee. What I had forgotten though since my last pregnancy was how hard it is to pee into a small cup when you look down and can't see your own waistline anymore! When your belly is bulging so big that you don't clearly see or focus on much of anything down there. Enter my problem and the reason for this post.
I'm in the potty room (aka urination factory) at the doctor's assuming the position with my cup in hand. I lean over trying to "aim" as best as I can. (Is this how men feel?) To my surprise, my aim isn't very good. In fact, I appear to have multiple streams with minds of their own. They don't like the target (aka cup). They'd rather make a bulls-eye for my hand, arm, opposite end of the toilet. Yeah, I wish I were joking!
Finally I get some into the cup and I'm trying not to gag at the fact that my hand is soaked with my pee. It is mine after all, not a stranger's. I set it down on the floor, wowing to wipe my hands first before I wipe down the side of the cup that also is dripping with the yellow stuff. As I'm leaning over grabbing toilet paper, I lose my balance and then knock over the container with my urine sample....
Oh shit! I cry out. Even though it wasn't shit. That would be much, much worse. I snatched the sample cup at the last moment where it still had a few droplets of my urine in it. Nevermind that my nearly clean hand is now covered once again with pee and my urine is now trickling around the entire bathroom floor, inching its way to the door too. Sigh! Maybe someone needs to potty train me!
So here I am with my six month pregnant belly, bent over with my underwear at my feet, cleaning up my urine sample and my pee all over the floor. I'm frantically grabbing at paper towels, trying to wet them and silently thanking the heavens that I'm in a one-person bathroom instead of a three-unit or more parade of people doing their business. Because it's bad enough that I'm belly on the floor, naked butt in the air cleaning up my urine but thank goodness no others had a chance of walking in on me or seeing me at the very least!
So yeah, pregnancy.... it's fun times people! There is no use crying over stuff like this. You just laugh to get through it, clean up your mess and squeeze out a few more drops to complete that sample.
Despite this crazy incident, I won't complain too much about my circumstances. The pregnancy has been going well. I'm feeling good and the baby is thriving inside me, kicking me and alerting me of her whereabouts on a daily basis.
When I'm not in need of a mop for my urine, I busy myself with other amusing things. For example, I wore mismatching shoes one day last week to work. No one seemed to notice though. I put one earring on and then forgot the other one not too long ago. I'm leaving my dog outside for hours because I let him out to do his business then become distracted and forget he's out there patiently waiting by the door. Who knows what I'm in for next?
I'll just keep laughing and cleaning up the messes I make, that's for sure! :-)