Well here we are, you and me, with less than eight weeks to go before we meet face to face. I can hardly believe it! It seems so long since I've dreamed of you and waited for you - taking over a year to conceive you; now two months away from your due date.
I want to put into words what I've been thinking about before we're thrown in the mix of your dirty diapers, crying fits and sleepless nights. Before I become zombie mom once again and I am walking around with one sock on, no bra and haven't brushed my teeth or showered all day.
You're going to be my second daughter, my second child. But that in no way means that you will be second best to me. Sure you'll get your big sister Vivian's hand-me-down clothes, toys, bed and more. But you'll still be You, my beautiful Lana Jane, partially named after three different gorgeous actresses full of talent and drama. You will be your own unique, individual self unlike any other. You'll be just as special, just as lucky and just as loved in our hearts.
In fact I think you're getting the better end of the deal because you'll have even more love around you than your big sister did. That's right, from the beginning and even before you are born, you have an additional person loving you! And that someone is your big sister Vivian. She tells me every day that she loves you. She asks about you. She rubs my belly and talks to you. She hugs you. She may only be four years old right now but she's still sincere and honest with her feelings. She can't wait for your arrival just like the rest of us.
So guess what? Vivian didn't have that as a baby. She had no older sibling. So already, you're more adored than she was. Can you feel this love, I wonder? Will you feel loved right from your first breath into the world?
And you know what else? I am the second child in my family. I've never felt second rated or loved any less than my older sibling. I hope you never do either. We will make it a point to show you how much you're appreciated and loved and wanted in our family.
I cannot wait to see you. I cannot wait to hold you. I feel you moving inside me all the time and I just wonder what you'll be like. Will you be another blonde with light colored eyes like your sister? Or will you come out with dark hair and dark eyes, more like your dad and me? Will you snuggle with me and let me rock you? Will you know me instantly? When will you first smile at me?
I may not have read the pregnancy books this second time around. I haven't taken as many photos or journaled like I did with my first one but it's because I have more confidence this time. I have more faith in you and me. I hope that confidence will be instilled in you somehow, that you'll just know you are special and destined for greatness.
You may have to cut me a little slack in the beginning. It's been over four years since I've dealt with the baby stage (aka the high maintenance phase). I may be a bit rusty in knowing what to do or how to calm you but I promise we'll get through it. I am always here for you and you will be the first priority for me.
I feel like with you around, our family will finally be (and feel) complete. I've always envisioned myself with a family of four and you're my last piece of the puzzle. I can't wait to see the new joys you'll bring us and all the laughter we'll do over watching you grow, explore and shape our lives.
It will be amazing to watch your big sister hold you and talk to you. That sister bond you're going to share with Vivian some day soon will be incredible! You will (hopefully) have a best friend for life, something I've never gotten to experience. I'm so happy I can give you that gift of friendship right from the day you are born. I hope you and Vivian will nurture each other and foster a positive relationship for the rest of your lives.
Despite the stinky poo, the spit up, the worrying, the teething and the fears, I know that this next year will be one to cherish between you and me. You'll be receiving my improved mothering skills, my better attitude and my enhanced womanly charm. Ya see, I've gone through this before; therefore I know I can do it again with you and it will be easier and I can focus on enjoying you, not just getting through the day/night. Oh the stories I could tell you about when your sis was little and how I was a complete mess, so forgetful and so scatterbrained for months! But back to you! You will be different. You are different. I am different and we'll be an amazing team, you and me. We'll be a sassy, non-stop trio with your sister Vivian. And with your dad Kirk, we'll be like The Incredibles Super Heroes. Just you wait and see.
Just wait and see my lovely Lana. Wait and see.
That's what I'm doing.... waiting to see you. Waiting for your arrival. Waiting to love you even more than I already do. Waiting to see how much happiness you bring us all.
I love you, now and forever.
Me (pictured above) over seven months pregnant with Lana,
with big sister Vivian always by her side!