Posts
I'm 33 years old. I'm okay with that for the most part. Sometimes I think I could be doing more or should have done more with my life. But I also know I'm in a good place mentally, physically and probably even professionally too. Age is just a number and the older I become, I find myself more comfortable with me and who I am.
I am about to enter my third trimester of pregnancy. Only three months to go. I can tell I'm nearing the finish line too. The comments are being thrown at me left and right making it impossible to forget. I no longer get politely asked if I'm pregnant, people just know. It's obvious. This morning my daughter's preschool teacher asked how I was feeling. Then right after that the school secretary said, "I can tell you're growing (points to my belly). When are you due?" I just smile and respond. It doesn't bother me as much as it did with my first pregnancy. I'm mostly happy to just be pregnant and to be crossing into that last point.
That brings me to my third thought about the number three. I'm currently a family of three - my husband Kirk, my four year old daughter Vivian and me. (Sorry but I don't count my dog or the fish we house either). We're so used to being the three of us, of going out to restaurants and saying "Table for three." I'm wondering how that will all change when we become a family of four, sometime around April 27 (my due date). I know our lives will be very hectic just after number four arrives.
So lately I have really been trying to soak up my current little family and to spend as much free time as I can stand enjoying with my one daughter. Vivian and I have been playing lots of board games. I've been painting her finger nails. We kick the soccer ball around the yard and have a picnic in her tree house (even though I can barely get my pregnant self up the stairs to stoop under her kid-size play set). I've been reading to her and reminding her of how much I love her. Every day she asks me if my back hurts. (Ha ha!) She's gotten used to me not getting on the floor with her but rather sitting on the sofa, the rocking chair or on her bed to read books or arrange stickers. She's been such a great kid these days, not that she wasn't before.... But she's been extra affectionate, understanding and funny. I'm a little scared at how she might change and be affected by her baby sister.
In my heart though, I know she'll be okay after some adjustment time. I am partly doing this for her anyway. I wanted to have another child because I love her to pieces and I thought, how great would it be for her to be a big sister. Then when I found out I was having another girl, I was even more thrilled. Deep down, I wanted another girl. I want Vivian to experience what I didn't have and always wanted - having a sister, a best friend (hopefully) for life. I know not all sisters are close but I think they have a better chance at being close friends if they are of the same gender. I can't wait to nurture that relationship and watch my girls play together.
As "three" weighs on my mind, so do a lot of other numbers and tasks that haunt me. I try to remember to take deep breaths. I've been escaping into a book when I have a few minutes of spare time or I can't sleep at night. I try to do ten minutes of my prenatal Pilates exercise several times per week. I do what I can.
Changes they are a comin' and soon I'll be happy if I can just have three minutes of silence or three hours of uninterrupted sleep. Ahhh, let the fun (insanity) begin!
